I don't deserve this...

I had wicked bad cramps today, and my amazing husband loaded me up with meds, snacks, heating pad, laptop, prayed for me, and told me to relax in bed. He is a treasure far beyond what I deserve. Then he brought me home taco bell after work. i sure love him bunches.






But...

Just For My Man

(nothing new, we are not moving to Charlotte, but REALLY REALLY hoping to move SOMEWHERE :))

Yesterday I was struck with the realization that everytime I look across a room and see My Man I am just overwhelmed with butterflied, jitters, excitement, desire... He is mine and I *LOVE* that!! :)










And just for fun...

I don't need to be spanked anymore....

I am in that stage... of my cycle? Of my year? Of my life? I get excited over the thought of being spanked, I do things to provoke him (or "poke the bear"), but when it comes time to for the actual event...nothing. Except annoyance and pain and "the grumps".

He even tried to give me an "erotic spanking" last week and it just...hurt. There were no butterflies or sparks. There was no excitement or sexual ANYTHING. It was just like "Please stop. This is not fun."

I get butterflies from "the look" or him saying "dommy things". I am still very excited by any exhibition in public. But any sort of pain just does NOT turn me on...or make me want to behave. I feel bullied when he uses pain or threats to get me to behave. Which is really unfair to him because we evolved to this place together. It's not like he just started doing this - it's been a team effort. And it's been just over a year. You'd think we'd be flying high  by now. But instead it's just "blah".

Don't get me wrong our sex life is WORLDS different than it was a 14 months ago. We are closer than we have ever  been. And, if I am honest about it, I am much more submissive and loving than I was 14 months ago. I am far far faaaaar from perfect or a "good little subby", but I am a much more submissive and loving wife than I was in the past. I don't say this to toot my own horn. I say it as an encouragement and reality check for myself. I can feel like the last year was for no good because I see all of the ways I am still disrespectful and angry and selfish. I can feel like I'll never be the type of wife he deserves. But, then I have look back and remind myself that I really am a different woman in many ways than I was a year ago.

So, I think we just need to work on some things. It's easier for me to see the things *he* needs to work on ;-), but I think as a team, as the 2 parts that make this whole, as the equal, but different roles in this marriage we have some things we can work on.

Him - Being more consistent. If you tell me not to drink Mountain Dew because it makes me crazy and I pour myself a huge glass and grin at you as I take a sip, probably an indicator I need some "help". (and no I did not want to be spanked I just wanted to see if you'd care. And true you did drink it yourself instead of me drinking it, but... yeah... Come to think of it - 14 year old sister is the one who goaded me into it saying "go pour yourself a huge glass now and drink it ALL!!! Hahahaha".... I think she wanted to see how you'd react. We were both left wanting ;-) At least mention it when we get home. :-p) (And no I don't want it "dealt with" now... I just using it as an example of something recent. It's over now. ;-))

Me - Being more intentionally submissive. It would not have hurt me in the least to go drink something else. And I was going to find a different drink until Sister goaded me. :-p I want to do things on purpose to be submissive rather than do things on purpose to brat.

Him - Being Constant. (goes with consistent, but a little different) If you expect me to view things as "always not okay" or "always required" than you need to "always enforce" even if you're tired or lazy.

Me - Trust. Trust and believe that the rules don't change just because you're tired or I'm hormonal/emotional. I know that you are trustworthy and I don't need to keep testing to see if I am still safe. I AM safe.

I am sure there are more, but I can't think of them right now. Recently I have been going  through a pretty dark time. I feel depressed most of the time. Our money problems are pretty bad right now, My Man's job situation keeps potentially changing and then nothing changes. It feels like everyone keeps having baby after baby while I keep having period after period. I feel totally out of wack and I take it out on him so much of the time. And somedays nothing helps. I just hurt. :-p

For something a little lighter - My "spanked wife friend" told me recently she wanted to be featured on my blog again. She cracks me up. She has been a "spanked wife" her whole marriage and WAY WAY WAY longer than me,  but she still gets such excitement and joy over the little things. Recently she and her husband had a time of "playful spanking" that had her so excited she gushed for DAYS! ;-) She missed out on church because they were wrestling and his elbow caught her eye and she didn't want anyone to see it. Well okay, she says she was actually being a good wife NOT getting spanked because HE didn't want anyone to see and told her to stay home. ;-) ;-) She cracks me up, and I love her and am glad to have the comradery! ;-)