Saturday, October 26, 2013

Horny Little...

girl. beast. woman. loser. ;-)

Why is it that I am at my wettest/horniest/IfIDontBuzzEveryNightI'llDie part of my cycle when he is working the most? It feels like it never fails. Hopefully I can hold onto these feelings 'til his days off this week. :)

These authors are helping me through my time of need:



Thursday, October 24, 2013

I trust you...and I don't.

The things I 100% trust My Man in/to do -

If I am hungry - you will feed me. Even if it means not eating the thing you most want or giving up your own money/pleasure.

If I am sad/hurting/struggley - you will hold me. Even if you're exhausted, working, playing video games, reading, you will stop what you are doing and hold me. If you are away you will call me as soon as you possibly can.

If I want to talk - you will listen. Even if it takes all night.

If I am headed for disaster - you will stop me. Even if I hurt you in the process.

If I say "I love you" - you will say it back. Every. Single. Time.

I don't doubt your love, your devotion, your commitment.

Things I have a harder time trusting...

Appropriateness in social situations.

That you'll notice if I am headed for disaster without me telling you. That you care about the day to day stuff (what i wear, what i eat, how i do my hair)

It's hard for me to trust that you'll "take control" over areas that don't directly benefit you.

That you won't hurt me. I don't buy that whole "I am not hurting you more than you can handle" It's my body I can't give up control over it. I don't know if it's a trust thing as much as a "it's my body and I control what happens to it." My parents exerted control over my body until I was moved out, and I don't really want to give it up again. Maybe in specific cases.... aaaaaand this has moved past a "this is what i trust this is what i don't" to a therapy session. I can't give you ultimate control over my body. It's not as much that I don't trust you as that for my own sanity I cannot give that control to anyone ever again. I didn't give it as a child/teenager/young adult - it was stolen from me. So... I want the control now.

Does that mean I can't be a subby? I don't think so... I think I can be a good little subby who has boundaries. :)

Sunday, October 20, 2013

I'm Sorry.

I'm sorry I post so infrequently. I'm sorry I can't make it my damn mind. I'm sorry it's often so word-vomity around here. :-p

I don't have time to write a long post today, but I have been thinking about it tons!! I have been processing a lot in my brain and how to say things a LOT recently. :)

I don't think that deep inside I really AM a submissive and it's breaking my heart. Is it possible to be a defiant submissive? ;-) I love being "taken in hand", but I hate being "bossed around". I love that feeling of "submissive butterflies" that washes over me, but I hate "being treated like a subservient". It thrills me when he "exerts dominance", but it makes me rage when he "tries to control me". I am a mixed up mess!!

I'll leave you with a few memes and try to post a longer one soon!!


aaaand I can t find any more that make my day today :-p