Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Answers To Alyssa

The amazing Alyssa Hart ( who is not only a really AMAZING author, but a very sweet and loving gal, has nominated me to answer these questions... since everyone else has already done it I am not going to nominate anyone or post the pic, but I will answer the Q's! :)

Now for my seven questions:

1. What is your favorite time of the day? Why? Either around 1pm when it's bright and happy, but it feels like I still have the whole day ahead of me, or like 8pm because that is when I snuggle and watch TV with My Man.
2. If you could spank or be spanked by any famous person, who would it be? Gerard Butler. Seriously the thought of getting spanked by him makes me swoon. Matt Bomer too, but I am not as intimidated by him. ;-) I'd like to spank Miley Cyrus; :-p :)
3. Would you ever move to another country? Sure! For a year or two as long as I knew I could come home again.
4. Do you speak any other languages? Nope.
5. If you could only recommend one book to someone to get them to understand your kink, what would it be? wow, that is a REALLY hard one....probably something by Saorsie Rogan?
6. If you could have any super power what would it be? Time travel or flying
7. Who, in the media, do you think is in serious need of a good spanking? Most of the moms on Dance Moms. Abby doesnt even deserve to be spanked :-p

Readers I propose 7 questions of you...

1. What is your first memory of KNOWING you were a spanko? 

2. What is one every day item you were most surprised that it works well as an implement?

3. If you couldnt have your name what name would you like to have?

4. Most recent spanko book you've read?

5. Were you spanked prior to being an adult? Do you think this affected your desires today?

6. One book heroine you wish had been spanked?

7. One tv/movie character you wish had been spanked?

Saturday, March 14, 2015

But I don't like it...

Do I???

I am a very confused little wifey this morning.

Last night My Man and I had this huge fight in the middle of the mall. About sex as almost all of our epicest fights are. There were a lot of angry words said on both sides, each of us got up from dinner once to go to the bathroom to cool down, tensions and emotions were incredibly high. Word from experience - mixing hormones and lack of food is an incredibly bad idea.

We ended up talking it through and finishing dinner on a good note. We came home and snuggled in bed naked talking about theology. I offered to have sex with him, so we could feel "ALL made up", and I was trying y'all. But everything inside me was twisty turny and the reason for our fight in the first place (My lack of desire) (ok we didnt actually fight about my lack of desire, but more how I was communicating it) was rearing it's ugly head. I started freaking out because my emotions were so high and started crying a little. He kept asking me what was wrong. I kept lying and saying nothing.

And then something happened, he got "that voice", the one that says "Young Lady that isn't okay and you know it", and my belly got butterflies, Hey what?? This isn't supposed to happen anymore. And to make it "worse" when I was "struggling to get away", part of me really wanted him to hold me close and accountable. And then he said those words "If you don't stop I am going to spank you"...and I didn't stop. And we both kinda looked at each other for a minute. He asked "Do you want it...." I barely nodded. So he flipped me over spanked my butt. Not overly hard he was good to me. ;-) And IT HELPED. It released a lot of the tension I had been feeling, it made me feel better, it made me feel connected to him.

WHAT THE FREAKIN HECK??? *laugh* I thought I didn't like this anymore. I thought I closed the doors on this because it hasn't felt good or helped in months. I thought we were going to be a "normal couple" because it makes me angry and sad and annoyed instead of turning me on. And that was the thing last night, I probably WAS turned on a bit, but more than that I just felt...better. I felt like some of those awful feelings I couldn't get out just melted away. Or were slapped outta my ass. ;-)

He kept chuckling at me throughout the rest of the night because I was SO confused. I kept mumbling at various times "But I don't LIKE it..." He said I was adorable because I was so confused. ;-)

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Sweet Spanks

I love communication. It makes all the difference in the world. When I can tell My Man "I want to have a scene with you, but I want the spanks to be super play, and not hard." and then we don't talk about it again and I get scared. Then he gives just enough and I feel so loved and cared for.

It's the little things. :-p

In other news it's been snowing non stop for like 7 hours, light stuff so we have maybe half a foot, but it's pretty. My brother (our housemate) is gone for the weekend so we have the heaters blasting and are having a lovely relaxing clothes optional snow day. :)

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Word Vomit on 50 Shades of Grey (Or why I as a Jesus loving, woman loving, kink loving gal enjoys FSOG)

What's that you say? You're super duper sick of hearing about 50 shades and kinky f***ery and you'd like everyone to just curl up and die now? I understand your sentiment. I am considering giving up facebook for Lent solely based on the 50 shades drama. I have been mocked, yelled at, gently "corrected", and essentially told I am a bad person. By Christians, by women, by kinky people, it kind of runs the gambit for the people who are covering facebook in their opinions on 50 shades. So, I decided to just share why I like the books, why I went to see the movie, what I think of it.

First - Before I share my thoughts I would like to do what no one on my facebook feed has done, not one person has done, and that is say that these are MY thoughts, MY opinions, MY feelings, FOR ME. I am not advocating anyone else read the books or watch the movie or have nice feelings about this franchise. I am not speaking for Christians or kinky people or women. I am speaking for myself who happens to fit all of those categories. :)

Ok, a little background, a few years ago, gosh I think it's almost 4 years ago now, maybe 3? Anyways, a few years ago I was semi-newly married, I was married long enough to have lost the honeymoon/newlywed glow and not yet long enough to have gotten that settled "this is my life and I love it" yet. I was miserable. A lot went into my misery. My church had a VERY painful VERY public VERY divisive split. The denomination I had grown up in and provided the majority of my thoughts on God was and what a Christian looked like again had a very messy split/explosion. Jobs and money were not working out. We had started to realize that infertility was here to stay, and had no real hope of insurance or money to pay for treatments or adoption. And I hated sex.

Sex. That thing that had been held up to me for 2 and a half decades as this beautiful magical wonderful thing. And I hated it. It was not pleasurable. A lot of the time it hurt. It was boring. It was awkward and messy and smelly and... I hated it. I felt lied to and cheated. I had "saved" everything for this man, and it was gross. I felt like my childhood dreams had been chewed up and spit out and stomped on. My husband and I were fighting All The Time. He became increasingly buried in his books and his own self pleasure/gratification. We were both viewing marriage like a burden and a chore because neither of us were getting the things we wanted out of it.

And then we decided to give the NY Times Bestseller "50 Shades" trilogy a try. We had both been interested in BDSM and Domestic Discipline since before we were courting. One of our first conversations was me saying shyly "I've always wished I could marry a man who would spank me." and his reply was "and I have always dreampt I'd meet a woman who would let me." *grin* We had been open with each other about our desires, but I thought of it as something "only porn stars" did, and he had been very well taught you never ever hit a woman. We read the trilogy in a span of 48 hours, and then planned a weekend get away and read it again. For the first time EVER I read a mainstream book that talked about some of my darkest deepest desires and wonderings and fantasies. I had a clear thing to be able to say to my husband "THIS turns me on, I wanna try THAT, O.M.G." 50 shades (and then the TONS of books I have read since then) allowed me to have a guide almost to say "Hey, this appeals to me." It put into words what I hadn't known how. It gave me a category to put some of my desires into. It gave me something exciting to do with my husband.

I still don't really like sex, and a lot of the things that were exciting when they were new or when I read about them we realized weren't as exciting or fun in real life or long term. :-p But it still was the catalyst for us, it still gave us a starting point. It gave me permission to say "Hey, I am kinky and that's ok."

There is my personal story as relates to 50 shades. I'd like to add that after reading 50 shades a few other things were crucial in our journey. We met with our past a few times a month for almost a year. He didn't judge us or make us feel like horrible people. He actually told us that it was our lives and while he expressed concerns or cautions he point blank said "None of this would be something we'd kick you out of the church over." :) He told my husband as bluntly as he could "She could never have sex with you again, and it would still be your job to be faithful to her and love her." That took a million weights off of my shoulders. It didn't make me try to love him physically any less, but it made it so much easier and more freeing to realize that no matter how broken I am - my husband is married to me. He married ME. And I don't have to compete with the porn stars or fantasies of the world. :)

Ok, nitty gritty of why I like 50 Shades and don't think it's against Jesus or women to enjoy them ...

1. I view it as a story of redemption. Christian had some incredibly messed up stuff happen to him, as a result he never learned to love. He learned to use. He learned to manipulate. But, he didn't know how to love. Throughout the series you get to watch him grow and change and heal. I really liked that.

2.  It's fiction. It's fantasy. It's not a "how to" manual for having a romantic or kinky relationship. It's a story. It's not a story you're meant to replicate in your own life. You can get ideas or thoughts or "hey that would be fun", but it's not meant to be something everyone lives out.

3. Ok, here is where it gets kinda tricky and very "personal"... yes, it has a lot of sex. Yes it describes the sex in a lot of detail. To be completely honest in the "erotic" books I read I skip 75+% of the sex. Have I mentioned I don't like sex? 'cause I don't. ;-) I skim enough to get the gyst, but it makes me uncomfortable. So I can't really speak to that. Except to say... God created sex. Do I believe he created it for marriage/commitment? Yes, yes I do, but I think you need to follow your own convictions in the area of the media you read and watch. I don't think that EL James' characters having sex before they are married is any worse than the millions of authors/screenwriters whose characters have sex before they are married. I don't think that because it is more than missionary that it's somehow more immoral. Like I said at the beginning of this I am not suggesting you go out and read erotica. I have friends who have told me even simple romances 'cause them issues with their spouse because they compare and their spouse always comes out on the bottom. I think that is lust. I think fantasizing about sex in a way that makes you discontent with your spouse is wrong and dishonoring to them. I can only speak for myself, and I have thought and prayed and talked about this a TON. For Me, when I read books that having spankings or bossy men or "alpha males" it makes me turn closer to my husband. It does. It makes me excited to play with him or make love to him or just be his special little wife.

There are things I have had to stop - watching spanking videos, roleplaying spanking stuff with other people online, ONLY reading erotic books. Because these things pushed me away from my husband instead of towards.

4. Consent. Someone mentioned recently that she wondered why the same women who think the D/s relationship is kinky and exciting think that "Biblical Submission" is wrong. I had some thoughts about this, I dealt with this a LOT. I was ashamed that I was turned on by bossy men in books and movies. I thought I was somehow disgracing all the feminists in the world. I knew I didn't agree with Patriarchy. I knew I didn't think men had the Right to lord over women. I knew that I believed in equality in marriage, and I couldn't reconcile that with my own person desires. And then I realized the key is consent. *I* like my husband to take charge, to protect me, to do the heavy lifting, to keep me off the roads when they are icy, to make sure I am eating and sleeping and taking care of myself. I asked him to. I wanted him to. I LIKE IT. It's not his right. It's not his "God given place" (well I believe some aspects are, but more in the cherishing protecting department, not the "Boss" department :)) It's something that we mutually enjoy and like and want to structure our marriage that way. Because we CHOOSE it. It's not forced on us.

Ok, this got super duper rambly. But I think that pretty much covers my thoughts. Consent, Personal conviction. Redemption, No cookie cutters... Oh, one last thing.

I do believe there is a big difference between reading it and watching it. We did go see the movie, together, and really enjoyed it. But I was... bothered? The level of nudity. How close the actors had to be to each other naked. That Jamie Dornan has a wife at home, and I felt guilty that I was watching him be so physically intimate with someone who was not his wife. I don't think 50 shades was more intimate than a lot of R rated movies, but I dont tend to watch a lot of sex scenes. In the theater I couldn't fast forward. I feel like Game of Thrones has that level of nudity, but at home on my own couch somehow it feels less huge. And we can fast forward at home. Also, I found myself comparing. Looking at Dakota Johnson's body and thinking "Mine don't look like. Is that what I SHOULD look like? Is Ben missing out being married to me?" and that isn't healthy.

So my issues were not at all with 50 Shades as a story, or a movie or book being made about kinky relationship or messed up relationship or past sexual and physical abuse, but with my convictions about how sex and nudity are handled in visual media. I don't know if we will see 50 Shades Darker in the theater or not. We have already started discussing if maybe we should wait (assuming it get made) and watch it at home so we can use more discretion. :)

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Coming Out of Hiding

*waves shyly* Heeeey Y'all.... I'm not sure if anyone even reads here anymore, but if you're there - Hi. :) 

I haven't blogged in forever for lots of reasons, but this morning I was thinking about how much I hate it when people just disappear. They blog regularly and then one day they just... stop. And I didn't want to do that, so here I am.

One of the reasons I haven't blogged is that I didn't want to face the fact, be honest, that... we're not really a DD couple and haven't been for a long time. I mean by many people's definitions I guess we never were?

I don't like/feel safe/feel comfortable with that level of control over me. I like playfulness, I like protection, I like being cherished. But, I don't like actual punishment and control. Everytime I try to define who or what we are I feel like I don't match up. So, I guess I should just define us as ourselves. :) We are a couple that loves each other "whole bunches", that love Jesus, that enjoy implementing some kinky things into our relationship. :)

Another reason I haven't blogged is because the way I set up the blog was as a DD/BDSM sort of place,but the things I want to blog about don't fall into those lines. I figured I could just start another blog, but... there is a lot of me in here. My Man hates the term "journey" with this whole thing, but I feel like it IS a journey. It's a growing stretching thing. I am not the same girl I was when he married me almost 6 years ago or when I started blogging, sometimes I wonder if I am the same girl I was 6 months ago. I am constantly growing and changing and evolving. But, I am still me. :)

Update on us - My Man is moving up the ranks at work, our hope and dream is that we could move in the next year to somewhere he could make the same amount of money, but cost of living would be cheaper. I am working super part time as a telefundraiser and I LOVE IT! :) We did one round of fertility medicine last month and it seems to have worked, but I did not get pregnant. We start round two today. :) We saw w50 Shades last Thursday and I really enjoyed it. I am going to write a whole long blog post about it, possibly even today. We are doing well in our church - they are good people who are really really compassionate and loving and not judgmental or self-righteous and we feel at home there. :)

That's all for now. *hugs*

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Spankings! Sex! Bare Bottomed Drama!

Hehe... I knew that would get your attention! ;-) Actually today I have the great honor and privilege of hosting Rayanna Jamison, and her WONDERFUL new book The Bishops's First Bride. I was one of the lucky ones who was able to read it prerelease, and I LOVED it! I can easily give it five stars! Rayanna was kind enough to offer us a sneak peek, and then answer some questions my inquiring mind just had to ask! :)


Rosa Collins was only sixteen when she received a vision telling her of her future husband. Knowing that her husband would be Lucas, the Bishop's son, and future Bishop of Green Valley, both thrilled and terrified her. They were a match made in heaven, she knew, perfect for each other. But becoming the Bishop's Wife is harder than Rosa anticipated. She struggles to transform herself into the perfect Bishop's Wife that her husband needs. Lucas misses the real Rosa. Somewhere between getting married, and becoming the future Bishop's wife, his beloved wife has lost part of herself. Lucas knows that a good, old fashioned spanking is exactly what Rosa needs to help her find balance in her unrealistic expectations of what the perfect wife should be. But, try as he might, that balance doesn't come easily for Rosa, and it certainly didn't help that her high school nemesis kept popping up and making trouble. Will Lucas help her realize that all he wants is for his wife to be happy? Can Rosa pull herself together enough to become the Bishop's First Wife?

Doesn't that just sound AMAZING?? Well, it's about to get even hotter in here because she gave me a sneak peek to share and it is a *HOT* one!! :-D  

Luke stood, and pulled her up with him. He drew her into his arms, and kissed her head. He held her for a while, until she was ready to continue. He was good at gaging her signals. 

“Okay, Rosa, over there in the corner, you can leave the robe. You won’t be needing it.” 

She obeyed, but she had never felt so exposed. Standing naked in the corner, as if on display for her husband, was nearly too much for her. She felt ashamed, but she found that she also felt strangely aroused. There was something almost intoxicating in knowing that she was completely exposed only to him, and that he could see her most private of places. Soon, he would call her to him, and she would lay over his lap, in her nakedness while he spanked her for her many indiscretions. She knew from past experience that she would be able to feel his erection grow as he punished her bare bottom. She could feel her mound grow wet with her arousal, and her cheeks grew flushed with embarrassment. She hoped he let her out of the corner soon. If she stood here much longer, she feared she would drip her juices all over the carpet. How could this be happening? What was wrong with her that she was getting so turned on from standing nude in the corner knowing she had a spanking coming? I need to get my head examined, she thought to herself. Even as she thought it, she couldn’t help herself. Her hand reached from behind her back to touch herself. 

 “Rosa!” Luke called her name, and she jumped, startled and mortified.  Had he seen her? Had he known what she was about to do?

If he had, his face bore no evidence of it, as he motioned her over to him. With knees trembling more from excitement than fear, she made her way over to stand in front of him, more aware of her nakedness than ever before.

*Fanning Myself* I've, obviously, already read that and I'm still all hot and bothered. ;-) Let's move on to the questions Rayanna so graciously answered for me.  

Rayanna, I have been fascinated by polygamy my whole life, and with shows like Sister Wives, Polygamy USA, and My Five Wives I feel like I can live a bit vicariously. What made YOU interested in polygamy and playing out HOH/DD scenarios within that context? Where do you get your inspiration?

I was never interested in polygamy. When the show SIster Wives first came on the air, I watched half a season and lost interest. Then last year, I moved to an area where polygamy in many forms is rampant. There are many different polygamous sects within an hour of my home. And we are the closest big city so we see them everywhere. Then I started being interested. The ones here are a lot different than Sister Wives. So I got curious and started researching. I had a friend years ago who practiced DD and lived at the time where i am currently living tell me that a lot of the different sects practiced DD. I have no idea if it's true. They keep to themselves and I have seen no evidence of it, but it was part of my inspiration.

 In The Bishop's First Bride who were the hardest and easiest characters to write? Did any of them rebel from what you had intended?  

The Bishop's First Bride was actually the easiest to write out of the three books I have so far. I feel like a part of that is simply due to my growing confidence as an author. I think the easiest to write was Rosa, she isn't a very complicated character, and she just sort of flowed. Luke was my favorite. When writing the Bishop's First Bride, I watched a lot of Hart of Dixie Reruns on netflix, and I feel like Luke ended up being similar to Wade (Wilson Bethel's character) from that show. Carolyn was the hardest to write, even thought she wasn't really a main character at this point. She is from the south, and that was a bit different for me.It was a lot of fun, but also very hard just getting the expressions colorful enough to really bring out the southerner in her character. My inspiration for her was that I see her as sort of a classy southern mean girl. I have always desribed her as a combo between Nellie from Little House on the Prairie and Lemon from Heart of Dixie. As for them rebelling from my plan- I never really have a plan, and I feel like this one just flowed really easily. There was one slight rebellion, but I will address that in your next question

 I LOVE Lemon!! And a Lemon/Nellie combo sounds lethal! :) You have said in the past that "sexy scenes" are hard for you to write, having gotten a good one out of the way, and quite tastefully I might add, do you think your next books will have more?  

The Bishop's Bride contains my first sexy scene. The first two were very modest and proper, only containing the spanking aspect of the relationships. It is what I had intended for the whole series but Luke and Rosa had other plans. This was the first time there was just the one wife as they were young newlyweds, and it made the story turn out a lot differently. I got to focus only on their relationship and not on any of the other dynamics within the family. So towards the end of the book I was up to my last spanking scene, and i knew after that I would be nearly finished. So the scene starts as a spanking scene and ends as a spanking scene but it takes a large and unexpected detour somewhere in the middle. And that's all I am going to say about that. I just finished writing a Corbin's Bend book, and those are actually required to have sexy scenes, so yes, I have written some more, as well as my first figging scene. In future books, I think I wont be as afraid to write harder stuff but I think it will only happen if it happens naturally and easily as it did with Luke and Rosa.

 Without too many spoilers where do you see your series' going?  

Well, The Bishops First Bride is the 3rd book in the series. For the most part each book has been stand alone dealing with a different family within my fictional polygamous community. Sometimes characters from a previous book make an appearance in another book, as some of the characters are related. After this book, I only forsee doing one more before moving on for at least a little while. And I see my 4th book focusing on some of the same characters as the 3rd book, and within the 4th book I will explore a bit of the darker side of polygamy.

 Do you foresee any different series or standalone coming up? Or do you plan to stick with the poly lifestyle? Could you handle a Polyandrous book (one wife multiple husbands? That would be crazy hard I think.  

So I have at least one more Love Multiplied Book coming up that I just started working on, I have my Corbin's Bend book coming out in January, and after that I am playing with the idea of a new series. I would love to do something set in the south, I think southern characters are just so much fun to write. It's a rich and colorful culture and there are a ton of fun southern expressions. I don't plan on sticking to poly and I don't foresee ever writing a book where there is more than one husband. It's just not my thing. I have read a few good ones though.

 Thank you so so much for answering all of my questions and giving us a peek into this AMAZING book (I am not the author so I am allowed to repeat words and be SUPER DUPER ENTHUSIASTIC!! ;-))  

Thank you for having me!

Ok y'all, I bet you're like "Seriously Young Lady - WHERE can I buy this wonderfulness??!?" I am about to tell you so hold your horses!! ;-) You can buy The Bishop's First Bride, and all of Rayanna's amazing books on Blushing Books, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble! I just wanted to take a second before we end to say that I was SO excited when Rayanna said she would let me host her today and I CANT WAIT 'til y'all read her books and come back and gush about them with me!! *hugs all around* 

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Sunday, October 12, 2014


I watched my wedding DVD with some kinkster friends yesterday and was amazed, convicted, surprised at the vows I made that day. I remembered I had been exuberant and enthusiastic. I remembered that I had talked about babies a lot. I remembered that I was head over heels in love. I had forgotten the words I used. "You will be the head of our home", "I will not usurp you", "you will come second only to God in my affections and my life", "I will never compare you to another" "I will defer to you" It would be easy to just say "Well, I was young and naive and I didnt know...", but I think those longings of my heart were good ones. The desire and intention to lift my husband up, to encourage him, to be his helpmate, to strengthen and encourage him, to consider his needs and desires above my own. Our pastor asked us not to put obey in the vows, but we stood firm. and looking back I think we stood firm because we knew it was what we wanted. it was the model we were striving for. It did my heart good to listen to that bouncy vibrant head over heels girl express her love and convictions. I wanna be more like her. :)

Friday, October 10, 2014

Leave me the **** alone!!!

Sooooo.... I might have freaked out so bad on My Man last night I told him I was going to call the cops on him because he wouldn't get out of my personal space. Which I can now see was a dramatic response, but on the flip side there has GOT to be a way to get him to Leave Me Alone when I am having a freak out. :-p He wouldn't back up or stop trying to get me to talk to him or look at him... I wasnt in danger of hurting myself or anything else I just needed him to not be standing 6 inches from my face. :-p More background we got some crap news from the doctor yesterday and I was having a panic attack over the diet restrictions and needed him to just say "I trust you to work this out" instead he kept saying that I could do this if I put my mind to it and that If I wanted to try a different diet I needed to get the doctor to approve it and.. I just needed to be allowed to cry and freak out for a while alone. :-p We ended up working it out after I went to the bedroom and sobbed for awhile and researched and decided what diet changes I could make and actually stick to. I wanna be a cherished wife who is taken care of...who at the same time has the power to say "I am an adult and I am not going to talk to you right now." I also was VERY VERY panic attacky/worked up. Like just screaming losing it. So I can see how he interpreted that to mean "dont give into he hysterics", but I needed him to. I needed him to just say "I love you and I'll walk away, talk to me when you're ready."

Monday, October 6, 2014

Trigger Warning....

Not my usual style or subject matter. A website called "Homeschoolers Anonymous" had a "Corporal Punishment" week and I decided to submit an entry, actually I was ashamed to talk about the "I am turned on by spanking" aspect, but when I mentioned it to the man overseeing this week's entries he said he thought it might be helpful to have the perspective of someone who was abused as a child, and hated the abuse, but is also turned on by spanking and even was as a child amidst the abuse. So I did.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

My Birthday Week

Well, I am 31 now!! ~~~~~~~O (am I the only one who thinks my balloon looks like a spermy? :-p)

I spent my b-day week at the beach with my siblings and parents and Grandma (and of course My Man :D) -'twas a grand time and VERY relaxing. The only downside was with so many people spanks were kinda hard to come by...but that is okay because Hubby made up for it last night. ;-)

I GOT TO MEET BELLA BRYCE YESTERDAY!!!! She has this lovely series that I am SUPER stoked to read!! I love that I met her before falling in love with her books. Well I assume I will love them, they LOOK good and this short story(which really reads more like chapter 1 to a book :)) was SO yummy I think her books will be even better! :) Anyways, we met with our hubbies and everyone seemed to get along really well, so THAT rocked! :D

After being so excited and nervous all day I was a total(ly adorable ;-)) brat for hubby and he spanked me loads. ****grin**** I am not going to lie - it was good. *Grin* After not REALLY being spanked all week it was a great end to our vacation!

I am thinking I am going to change up my blog, but I am not sure how. :)

Friday, July 18, 2014

Goodnight Moon Rewrite for Spankos ;-)

A Spanko version of good night moon.... Good Night Spoon by Sarah Young illustrated by google images...
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Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Spankings and Fights

ok first..... I had the "worst" belting I've ever had today. it still hurts an hour later which is super duper rare for me/us. I normally cannot feel a spanking much after, but he was really serious and it stuck. It was because I keep not eating and because I called myself a lot of names last night online in an attempt to have people yell at me/tell me different because i felt so emotionally out of control. But instead of asking for help I manipulated with me words.

That was good. Good Dommy Hubby - here is your cookie. ;-)

But Now....

O.M.G. That man is on my last nerve. You CANNOT tell me to be an adult, that I am not a child, that being a little subby wifey and great and cute, but you need me to be an adult and take care of myself and discuss things "as equals" (his words not mine) and then when we discuss things be pissed when I keep saying that I don't agree with your viewpoint!!! Either you accept the forced "Ok, I will submit" or you accept the genuine "I genuinely do not think I did anything wrong and here is why", but you are not going to get a genuine "adult" "You're right I am wrong" because I DONT THINK I AM WRONG!!! 
The "story" is that he knew i needed a new cellphone, we have been talking about it for weeks, I have been phoneless for weeks, an amazing deal came up today AND my old phone sold today, so it would put us at -45 in the bank. We have a 300 overdraft protection, and he gets paid on friday. I decided this was a viable option/plan and bought the phone. He is all pissed that I didn't consult him, he doesn't agree with my reasoning or my choice, he doesn't like that I did this "independently".... I wasnt going behind his back. We had agreed on getting me a new phone. The only part that we didnt agree on was doing it today and this specific phone.

Now to be fair to him the money from selling my phone had not come through yet, so we are actually -145 instead of -45... but still....

Anyways any thoughts on this?? And I told him I was going to vent now and he said that it better be respectfully done because the people on here know the difference and it looks bad on him if I am not.:-p

Sorry I've been so absent...

I stopped posting much mostly because I feel like I don't fit into any box, and because I didn't fit a box that maybe I wasn't wanted. Also because my life doesn't look like the lives of the women I was reading all the time.


Turns out at least one of their lives doesn't look that way either.

So maybe being honest about who I am is okay, even if I don't fit any one box. :)  Maybe being authentic is more important than fitting in.

So update on the real me....

I am 30 years 10 months old. ;-)
I have been married for 5 years 2 months.
I got a job last week and started training today.
We are still waiting on fertility meds. I still wanna be a Mama like crazy.
I still get spanked on a regular basis,but most of the time it's just fun. I can't accept serious punishment yet, but I am in a pretty good place overall.
I am seeing a therapist for anxiety/depression, but I think I will stop seeing her soon. I don't think she is helping.
I am writing a lot lately. My dream is to get published by blushing books, but we will see what happens. :)
I roleplay online every day and now have 3 "little" characters and like 4 "Bigs" *laugh* never thought I'd be spankING twice as much as I receive, but it's fun. :-)
 I feel like every month I like sex more than the month before. We tried a new position. After 5 years of marriage and we tried a new position. we're nutso. ;-)

I feel like that's a pretty good recap of me. I am a crazy silly brat who struggles with anxiety and depression who doesn't really fit in anywhere or measure up anywhere or feel good enough or strong enough or beautiful enough, but... it's me. :) 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Coach's Discipline Release Party

Ok, so I am getting into writing these days and meeting these wonderful awesome new people!! One of those people is Katherine Deane, and she has written this SUPER spicy sounding book that I cannot WAIT to read!!! And she is having a party to celebrate the launch of her first ever solo book!!