Updating

I will write more soon. I am mostly better. Thank you for your well wishes and love!! :)

I will reply to and repost Mrs. D's kind nomination soon! :)

Being sick has made it so I haven't been spanked in a super long time. And it feels GOOD! ;-)

My Man has taken EXCELLENT care of me and he is amazing and wonderful!!! *ding ding ding* ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBKcRQb3p3k )

Urgent Care Results...

Strep and Flu.

The meds made me puke like crazy. (I have barely eaten in 2 days because food is so unappealing and hard to get down :( )

I wanna be all better :( :( :(

The Plague

I know I am a baby when I am sick, but dang, I feel like I have the plague. :(

Headache, congestion, coughing, chills/overheating... yuck.

This pretty much epitomizes how I feel...



Now for some smiles...
My Man - 
this just made me chuckle -

amd just because babies rock... and are creepy ;-)

Sickies

Except I did work today, and am NOT working tomorrow.


I feel icky icky poo poo. Headache, Chills, Achy, basically fluish. Blah.

Good news though

A:MY MAN IS OFF 'TIL THURSDAY!



and
B:  Rice A Roni makes everything better...

MMMMMMM 

This will be me tomorrow
My Man -

Late night honest words....

We stayed up WAY too late last night talking. But it was good talk I think. Even though it hurt both of us.

I used the word "fucktard" on here yesterday towards My Man. It's a word I made up when we were courting. I knew that it wasn't "kind" or "respectful", but I didn't think it legitimately hurt him or tore him down. Apparently it does. Especially me posting it here for the world to see in a place where people expect the men to be respected and instead I was tearing him down. I am sorry blogworld. I am sorry My Man. I wasn't at ALL meaning to hurt him, I just just being a little shit. I didn't mean anything by it.

We also talked about years of hurt and pain from him. We talked about how more than anyone else he needs me on his team, he needs me in his cheering section, he needs me to be his "you can do it!" person. Instead so often I am saying "You're not the best or the most capable or the brightest bulb in the box, but I'll follow you if you want to attempt and I'll be there when you fail." Or even worse I just laugh. I laugh when things are funny, and there are things he says that I think are hilarious. After last night's conversation I am realizing that he has some deep seeded needs and hurts that I exasperate when I laugh. Most of the time I am not meaning to be unkind, I just hadn't realized how deeply he cares or that he is serious. I think that really is a large chunk of it for me, when he speaks I don't always pay a lot of attention or show a lot of respect, so when he says certain things I think he is being silly or making a joke on purpose, and I laugh. I don't pay enough attention to realize that A: He is serious and B:what he is really saying.

I want to build him up and encourage him to be the man that God has created him to be. I want to be the one in the crowd shouting "YES!! That's MY man!!! He can DOOOO IT!!!" ( aaaalll niiight looong....) (*shame face* I am sorry... even in the midst of my seriousness I cannot help, but joke ;-)) I want him to know that he will always get honesty from me when he approaches me with thoughts and ideas, but he will also always get a serious listen and support in the things he chooses to pursue.

I love him, and I want him to know my love through my words and actions. I want to build him up. I want to be his biggest fan.

Date Day Update

So, we went. We had a good time overall. We saw Gangster Squad which was VERY good!! We ate dinner at a place that supposedly has epic Prime Rib, but they were out. *boohoo*

I was dragged through the mall by my hair and then soundly spanked in a family restroom...and im not even gonna pretend i didnt love it and didnt deserve it. ;-) the poor family who kept banging on the door tho. ;-)

I gave My Man a blow job in a different family restroom to try to dissuade him from "striping" me when we got home. i succeeded. And I am not going to even try to pretend HE didn't love every second of it. ;-)

I think my period MUST be coming 'cause I am so freakin' hormonal.

Date Day...

Because I am such an amazing wife, exceptional subby, and just a good girl overall we are having a multi-layer date day. (the various spankings I got today for gems such as "fuck off" "No, I'm not gonna clean the kitchen" and running away when he says "come here" are totally to be forgotten ;-)) (this multi-layer date day may have something to do with my gracious amazing loving hubby and me trying VERY hard to suck him off which ended in deep sex for him :))

We are going to Wendy's (with the money I earned from giving him a BJ ;-)), then the gym, then, the movies and dinner. I am hoping we might go somewhere else too.

I (totallyandcompletelydidNOT) cleaned the kitchen all the way, gave him a decent blowjob, and was a (horrible, defiant and not at ALL) good girl all day, and now we are going out! YAY!! Rewards! ;-) ;-)

Favorite quote from the day:

My Man: Look how happy Junior is too see you.

Me: It's only because he likes to see me in pain. You beat me and now he is excited.

My Man: *after a moment of reflection* This is true...maybe you should give him other reasons to be excited so he doesn't need you in pain to get excited.

After that was the ALMOST complete blowjob.

I am also wearing Ben-Wa balls... SO WEIRD!

Update and big shout out to Mrs. D!!!

First, thank you Mrs. D for your kind, but firm words last night!! You are right that there are many helpful things I can do in those moments, but that hurting myself is never a viable option. Thank you so so much for caring and for speaking the truth!! When My Man read what you wrote he was like "She is totally right you know?? And I like what she said!" :)

Secondly, My Man did good. ;-) He was patient in the sense that he understood that I couldn't control my feelings, but he was also firm and steady in the midst of my emotional storm. He didn't change the rules just because I was having a bad attitude. "Fuck You" Still was dealt with in the same, painful, manner. And after a certain point he just looked at me and said "I understand you're having a hard time, but you're really pushing it. This bad attitude has gotten too far and you need to get a grip," (I am paraphrasing)

And lastly, I ate. I know that's horrible, I am supposed to be dieting and trying to get skinny, but I ate and it was like a 15 minute WHOOSH change. Between My Man's firmness and the food in my belly I felt 1,000,000x better. I wasn't dangerously low or anything, but I went from 1500 to eating potatoes with cheese (MMMMM) and saw a dramatic increase in my "happy feelings". *sigh* My body just loves food. :-p

Love, Young Lady
PS. I think my period may be on it's way (I have PCOS so it is REALLY hard to tell) and I may have more freak out moments coming. :-p :-(

Bad Attitudes...

(I don't mean 3/4 of what I say right now)

I fuckin' hate time outs. He decided to a "doubles night" where he starts with 1 minute and each time out after is double the one before. So I have only served 3 minutes so far. Not that bad, but I don't want time outs. I want him to fuckin back off and let me do what I want when I want how I want.

I want to kick him and bite him and scream at him.

Really I want to kick me and bite me and scream at me. I want to break every razor in the house and start a bloodbath. I want to cut off all of my hair and burn it. I want to let all of the badness out and be a good little Didi again.

That's what I want.

Feelings...

I feel like there is a lot of pressure in my body trying to get out.

I feel like the only way to let the pressure out is to do something really emotionally highly charged (like a religious meeting or a concert) or to cut.

I cannot do either of these things so I feel a bit desperate.

I feel like I am a failure as a person.

I feel like I am happy to be losing weight, but right now I feel like I need to eat everything in sight to full up the emptiness and yuck inside.

I feel pretty sad.

I don't feel like talking or snuggling or in anyway being near My Man because he'll just want to talk or to hold me and that isn't what I want. But it's all he can do. And that makes me feel guilty and sad.

Feelings suck. I wish I had a girl friend I could just go out and doing something crazy with. Or that I liked alcohol and I could get totally drunk and not feel bad anymore.

the orgasm(S!!!) that rocked the world

So, this week, and really the last few weeks, has been exhausting. My Man has needed to be at work super early (for us, he usually works 2 - 10 and he has been working at like 6, 7, 8am) and because we share a car and I nanny after school I've been having to drive him. He gets off work, I return the girls, and then he just falls into bed.

Well, today he doesn't have to work 'til 2, so last night he stayed up after he got home. He showered and I dropped this line of "After you get out, I'll get in while you eat dinner, so I can be clean and you can lick my vajayjay." Anyone who knows anything about my sexual side knows I HATE THIS IDEA!!! But for some reason I wanted it.

Only, then I epically failed. I got on the computer to start planning our trip for Sept and then stayed on the computer. I blamed it on the fact that he kept watching tv, but ultimately the fault lied with me since I was supposed to shower.

Eventually he turned off the tv and told me I'd "missed my chance". I quickly followed him telling him I didn't wanna miss my chance. I said some snarky things in there too, but overall I did follow him. :)

I had not showered, so I didn't want him "down there", but we did have pretty intense sex. And he did something very...right. He added just enough dominance to make me submit, but not so much that I shut down. I have a bad habit of when it is getting too intense for me to "push him out", and last night he basically laid down the law and told me if I pushed him out I'd get "swats"...I pushed him out 3 times and 3 times he rolled me over gave some firm smacks to my butt (well 2 times my butt 3rd time my thighs and then I stopped pushing him out ;-)) and then continued. He also made me verbalize "this. feels. good." "this. feels. good. Sir.", I hate the feelings I get during sex because they are intense and build, but don't go anywhere in that moment and are not fun or enjoyable in the moments. But they do feel "good". And then to top it all off when I legitimately said "This doesn't feel good anymore" he "finished" and it was really deep and really good.

Then he buzzed me. Oh. My. Goodness!!! WOW!!!! I had THREE ORGASMS IN ONE NIGHT!!! Like.... screaming at the top of my lungs I couldn't possible have screamed any louder, tears running down my face in such joy and pleasure. 2 in a row while he was buzzing. Then we snuggled and I said "I wanna try again." And he was like "Honey you'll just frustrate yourself", but I really felt like "I NEEDED TO!" So I did... and had another screaming orgasm. :D :D :D It was an amazing night, just typing this my vagina is tingling and clenching. :D

CONFESSION: At the point when I went "over" on the first orgasm I was thinking about my favorite singer and thinking through her worship songs... I guess my O was in worship to Jesus? ;-) (My Man wants me to be clear I did not think sexually about her it just "happened" to be what i was thinking of... I rarely think about sexual things when orgasming :))

EVERYONE GO TO FONDLES PAGE AND TELL HER HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope your day is like this (with a less creepy fella)


Dear Fondles,

You are smart, beautiful, amazing, sweet, kind, funny, creative, a good friend, a good subbie ;-), a great teacher, and... just pretty much wonderful!!

Happy Birthday Dear!!!
This can be you today with your inner b-day dominatrix shining through ;-)

Today Sucked Monkey Butt...

but thankfully I have an amazing husband and me and My Man are going to get in our jammies, grab some popcorn and snuggle up to watch Mulan. :D





As amusing as this would have been - 

We are looking forward to this -

This

and OF COURSE


And just for laughs

had had had to share...

i do not know this amazing blogess or her blog, but i am laughing so hard i have tears rolling down my face....

my dear wives, submissives, girlfriends, and otherwise women with dommy men... do we think this would fly?? :D **halo**

http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

Icky icky poo....

This is pretty much me the last few days/week. It's not like that debilitating "I don't want to live anymore" kind of depression, but just a lowgrade "I don't want to live THIS life anymore" depression. And I can't put my finger on it. It's not My Man or my weight or my period or necessarily my job, although I would love to not have to care for some of the girls I do and I would love to have more time to cook and clean and be a good wife, it's not necessarily our money issues, although it would be nice to not have so much debt (and this problem and the job problem counteract with each other... making on better makes the other worse :)) I don't think it's post holidays blues - although it's possible. I am lonely, I don't feel like I have anyone in my real life who I can just 100% let loose with and be myself and feel loved and accepted, but... does anyone really have that?

We havent gone to the gym because of My Man's sched the last week and we haven't dieted because..well... who wants to diet? :-p And... yeah... I just feel BLAH.

My Man is doing a good job of being more consistent and surprise surprise that pisses me off. ;-) I am appreciative and grateful in the overall, but in the moment I am like "leave me the fuck alone you bastardly asshole." Which of course doesn't fly and then I am more pissed and... yeah. :-p :-)

You ever have those times in your life where you just feel like something needs to break? Like... if one of these areas could have an amazing breakthrough then the rest would feel better? I dunno... it used to be spiritual highs. Like... I'd have this wicked bad depression, I'd be cutting a lot or not eating or throwing up or something to lessen the inner pain, and then I'd go to a conference or a great prayer meeting or a deep sermon or an amazing book and I'd just see God more clearly and have this emotional/mental breakthrough and I'd just feel better about life? I dunno if that even makes any sense.

Right now the lie I want to believe is that if I could quit half of my job (so just keep the two girls I adore and not watch the girls I have a harder time with) I'd be happy. I'd have more time and energy to devote to house work, I'd feel better about life, I wouldn't be so stressed, I'd balance my checkbook and stop eating out and cook healthy cheap foods because I'd be happy now and.... I'd poop rainbows and fart baby kittens. :-p ;-)

So...that's where I'm at. How are you my beloved readers? :)

To tell or not to tell...

Alright... here is a question for the masses - Do you have people in real life who know your "kinkier side"?? Even if kinky just means TTWD? :)

My sister knows pretty much everything, my mom knows most of it... My Man and I are becoming closer friends with a couple in our church who seem very similar to us in many ways. She is the only other person I know in real life who uses phrases like "I am not allowed to" "He makes me" "I just listen to him and then everything's okay." My Man was commenting that when he is talking with the husband he speaks so lovingly and protectively of his wife. AND they are into the geeky stuff we are into (Munchkin, Firefly, etc) Win Win!! Because of our really BAD experience earlier in the year we are (understandably) nervous about sharing certain parts of our lives, but at the same time I HATE the feeling I have to hide stuff about my life because of what others might think. So, we are contemplating just telling them about how our marriage is structured and stuff. And we think they will be fine, and if they are not My Man says if TWO couples in the same church respond the same way then we might need a new church. :-p :-) (There is a HUGE difference between "That's weird." or even "You people are weird" and "THATS WRONG! THATS SIN! EWW GROSS" :-p :-)

what do y'all think? How do you handle stuff??

FYI - My sis makes fun of me all of the time because I say stuff like "My Man won't let me" or "I need to ask if that's ok.", but she made fun before she ever knew the "kinkier" stuff, so yeah... I run into it even when I am not sharing. The nice thing about this couple is when I say stuff like that they nod and seem to agree. :)

My Man Is....

THE BOMB-DIGGETY!!!

I was having a hard day, and had a break down on my way out the door to my nanny job. I came home and he cleaned the whole kitchen AND is making dinner (italian chicken apparently) He has taken me out and brought me take out countless times, but in our 3.5 years of marriage has never cooked. I am a VERY blessed woman!!! :D :D :D

Teehee

I texted while driving twice and was disrespectful...

There are matching "stripies" on the other side.

He gave me the choice of being spanked for each thing or one spanking "3x as hard" I think he went easier on me than I deserved, but I was a VERY good girl and didn't squirm or block or even fuss a lot.

Then he fucked me.

Then I buzzed and had a minigasm.

A good end to the night. :D