Oh My Goodness!

So, My Man came home last night and after dinner spanked me over the credit card debaucle. It was not nearly as big a deal as I had thought it would be, he told me later he forgot he had informed me previously that it would be a bigger deal.

But, then later I did something just to provoke him (FYI bottom, OTK, spankings are my fave, I revel in them no matter how much it hurts) and he spanked me again, this time almost completely on the top of my thighs, right UNDER my butt - I thought I was gonna die, and when I thought he was finished he just STARTED OVER! I was kicking and making quite a fuss... apparently from now on any "punishment spankings" are going to be that way and "erotic spankings" will be on my butt. He says he has seen that getting spanked is not a deterrent and he thinks I need to earn my butt being spanked. *sigh* I know this is good for me, but it's a lot easier to earn punishments than it is rewards. ;-)

In other news - we had some marital counseling with our pastor today. We have been trying to meet weekly, so he can help us with our marriage. It can be hard when we don't feel comfortable sharing our "kinky side" very fully, but we make it work. :) He can totally help us with our sin. Today we talked about porn and erotica and his opinions on couples doing these things TOGETHER in order to enhance their marriage. He is SO good at sharing his thoughts without being condemning of those who have different convictions. :) His basic thought was that A: If it tempts you towards sin don't do it. :) B: that if you have to do it in order to have intimacy than it is not enhancing it's hurting. and C: that the Bible is very clear we are to keep our marriage bed holy and undefiled, but those things looks different for different couples. He reiterated what he has shared in the past that as long as it is legal and not going against either persons convictions married couples have a LOT of freedom in how their marriage and intimacy plays out. He also really stresses that sex and intimacy was created for mutual pleasure not self-pleasure. I think My Man and I will have to talk about this all a lot and see what is good for us.

After we met with our pastor we as a couple were able to talk more about our expectations and desires. We  were able to define for ourselves the differences between "sub" and "slave" as far as we are concerned. I know that in many ways they are just words that mean the same things, but for us there are some key differences. For US the words would a connotate a slave being there solely for the purpose of the Master's pleasure and whim, and could lead more towards selfishness on the part of the Master and the sub is there to obey her Dom, but also to be taken care of by her Dom. That she can trust that at all times the Dom is looking out for her best interest rather than his own. This doesn't mean the Dom does not use the sub for his own pleasure and sexual gratification, but that those are always done our of love and respect? I feel like I am not explaining it well - it's not that we think those in a M/s relationship the M is a selfish bastard with no regard for the s... it's more like for us that is a way we can clarify what we are to each other?

We are going to attempt a TPE for all of Saturday... I am really nervous and kind of freaked out. Not because I don't trust him 'cause I 100% do.. it's more that I don't trust myself. I am worried I am going to have a break down and not go along or that I am going to get tired of him bossing me around and cause problems. I so WANT to submit to him - Biblically as his wife, and for our sexual/otherwise fun/enjoyment in this lifestyle we are dipping our toes into, but I am also an incredibly strong willed annoying "witch" and I can totally ruin all the fun when I get bullheaded. We'll see...

Last thing is that on Thur/Fri next week we are going to an S&M workshop and a "bondage night" at an S&M night club. I am super excited and nervous... I am scared more of the other people who we will meet than anything else. :-p