Yikes.

So, My Man has been picking up more and more that I don't differentiate between "naughty" and "bad" very well. (Naughty being rolling my eyes, stuff that is intentional to get in "trouble" and bad being legit - I am not submitting, I am making bad choices etc) I like to be spanked, so even if it hurts I am not super deterred by the thought.

Yesterday at church I wanted attention (and I was struggling with sadness/wanting to hurt myself because of my infertility and just feeling "out of it") and so I was using the chain on his key chain to hurt my arms and make deep marks, and then during the sermon I was just being "bratty" because I wanted attention and I wanted to see what he would do as we were in church and he was running the sound  booth. (Immature I am very aware - I just... did it.) He threatened to leave and spank me in the car. I was SO tempted just to see if he would do it, but I stopped pushing.

After church he basically told me that my behavior was totally innapropriate and not okay and I could either forego our evening plans (dinner and going to see Batman) or I could "take a worse spanking then I've ever had." Well, I took the spanking. We went to Home Depot - he bought a dowel rod, we went to lunch, then when we got to the mall (where the theater is) he took me to the family restroom and COVERED my thighs and butt... he says he counted and it was 150 strikes. *sigh* I still don't know how I feel about this. I didn't do anything to deserve that much, and up until now he has done less than 20, so it was a major increase. I am still working through how I feel about DD in a real sense and not just in a game. Like, when we are playing it's fine, but do I really think a husband should be allowed to discipline his wife?

I don't know. I have given my consent, so for us it is okay I guess, but... I just don't know.

Oh, and I have like 4 "juicy" bruises...from 150 strikes I'd say 4 isn't too bad. :)