So many things...

So, I put $190 onto our credit card without talking to My Man about it. And, I called him right away after and "confessed", but I still feel shitty and I am trying to figure out why.

Last Oct I had my siblings for a week, we took a bunch of stuff out of the library, and it got stuck in a bin which did not resurface until April. I took everything back, but the overdue fines had racked up to $190. This then went to a collections agency and we have just been avoiding this particular library.

Today I am stuck out of the house because of a myriad of circumstances My Man is working at a different location than normal for work and because we had a meeting this morning I had to come with him today. I technically could drive home and come back out and get him, but it was be a mega hassle. So, I was just gonna lay low. problem, my iPod which I use for reading, music, games, everything to keep me busy 'til he gets off of work did not get charged last night, he has the wall charger, and it's not something I can just go get from him.

I decided to go to the library and use the computers to charge it - catch I can't use the computer 'til I pay off the fines. I found out that we could put it on a credit card instead of paying cash for it. I also know that the collections agency keeps sending us "reminders", so I just bit the bullet and put it on the card.

I guess the right response would have been to call him and ask him if that seemed like the best course... and I can accept that I could have done that. But, I also am struggling because outside of the D/s relationship could I have just made this decision for myself? If we did not already have established protocol about me not using the credit card without permission would it have been appropriate for me to make this call on my own. I just don't know.

I feel like I am an adult and a partner in this marriage, so I should be able to. But, I also feel like he makes the money, so he should have the main say in how we spend it?

I don't know... I think I just have guilt gut. He said he is not angry with me, but we do need to have a serious conversation about it.

I think I am also stressed because our meeting with our pastor this morning was difficult for me. He has some serious concerns about our lifestyle choices and maybe it's laziness or pride, but I just don't feel like explaining and defending everything. I want us to be able to say "this is the choice we have made for our marriage" period. that's the end of it. *sigh* He was very gracious and listened a lot, but he wants to talk more and... I dunno. I am tired. :-p