I love...

That I am getting to a place where I can start to recognize my emotions and impulses better.

That I married a man who when I look at him and say "I feel like I just need maintainence." immediately pauses his show, smiles, and says "Come here you."

That feeling right after a "little spanking" where I feel freshly chastised, very loved, and a little "wet".

*grin*

And sometimes you win...

He spanked me rosy.

I sucked him pretty well.

I initiated sex.

He finished well.

And sometimes we win. :D

Ramblings...

1. I wish sex were easier. Some days it's amazing - it seems like most days it's fine, but then My Man and I will get into this rut where it seems like everytime we have sex or try to have sex something goes wrong. I hate that. Last night was one of those times. It seems like everything he was doing was "wrong", and I would say "Please don't spank me right now", "Please don't try to buzz me right now." etc, but... he really thought it would help so he continued to do those things which in turn frustrated me and made me want to shut down and just "get through" it. Which of course makes me him sad, mad, and frustrated and... yeah... it never ends well. It probably didn't help that my sleeping meds had already kicked in which makes me significantly less responsive. *le sigh* He is off tomorrow, so maybe we can try again then. I am guessing tonight will be a bust since he has been up since 5am and works an 11 hour shift.

2. Our house. Wow... My Man's biggest complaint and most often request is the state of our house. It's dirty, it's messy, it's cluttered, and it's mostly my fault. I do try, but not hard enough, and he could try harder, but we're both tired...and lazy. Well, yesterday our building was being sprayed for roaches and the roach guys reported our apartment as "poor condition" to the main office, so we got a notice saying we need to clean. I think they think we are the source of the roaches. We very well may be. It's INCREDIBLY embarrassing and humbling, but also doesn't help my feelings of being overwhelmed. I know it's a disaster, he knows it's a disaster, but we just can't seem to stay on top of it. :(

3. Funny sayings - so, I nanny/babysit for 4 girls after school L(9), B(6), A(6), M(6), they are from 3 different families, not triplets. :) Over the past month here are a few of the indicators that My Man and I must not be hiding our "way of life" too well (all from L pretty much)

L:Ms. Lady, you always act like Mr. Man is your boss.
Me: Well, he kinda is *go into an explanation*
L:Hmm...

A week or so later
Me: Do you girls want me to buy you xyz?
L: Did you ask Mr. Man? Hmm? You're not allowed to spend money you know.

Recently we were at the mall and one of those guys at the kiosks was trying to get me to spend $150 on a new hair straightener. I kept trying to tell him "I really can't." and used the excuse "My husband would kill me."
B looks worried, "Would he really kill you?"

Me "No of course not honey! But, I am not allowed to spend money like that."

L - Yeah, she'd be in trouuuuble... Mr. Man would punish her.

*laugh* I wonder what they relate home to their parents. Her mom seems to think we have an amazing marriage and my husband is the sweetest and best (which she should think because he is.)

The funniest part to me is the OTHER girls, A and M are cousins and both have single moms - well, A is VERY "women's lib" and anytime she hears make any comment about "listening to Mr. Man" she is like "Ms. Lady- you're a grown woman!! Make your own choices!!" *laugh*

Reprieve

Between his lack of sleep (therefore not getting up early enough to do anything this morning), my bronchial infection, both of us' exaustion, and the myriad of bruises my backside and thighs have already accumulated My Man decided tonight that he will still take the "my money" check, but I do not have to be spanked.

Praise The Lord, and thank you Hubby. :)

Story Up??

There is this super fun game called Story Up on my Iphone where you write a story with someone else, taking turns, and there are words they give you each round you have to incorporate into your story. I want to write "dirty" (spanking ;)) stories, but am always scared I am playing with a kid... anyone out there in blogland play?? :D

I am sisof9

Does any woman LIKE giving oral?

This is a debate My Man and I have had our whole marriage, but it came up again a few nights ago, and he suggested I ask the blog world.

Ladies out there - I know there ARE women out there who love to give blowjobs - it makes you happy, excited, fulfilled, whatever. And **I** know there ARE women out there like me (although My Man seriously thinks they are much fewer than I think) who are grossed out and disgusted by it. (I perform it for him, but I REALLY don't like it, I gag everytime, I HATE the thought of the body part he pees out of being in my mouth)

But my contention is that I believe MOST women do it because they love their spouse and want him to be happy and sexually satisfied, but it's not like when you hear him grunt "Give me a blow job" or trying to stick his penis in your face or something other indicator that he wants "service" that you're overjoyed and excited about it.

Am I just off the mark?

I am so pissed right now I can barely breath...

How do good days and good intentions go so bad??

I just wanna spit on him and then go to sleep.

Ugh.

With Great Power Comes Great...

I am not using the words I can think of because I'd like to keep my pretty ass as pale as possible, but with my newfound submissiveness My Man's first edict...

I had to drive an hour with only my bra and underwear (I was taking teenage sister home) his sage advice "Don't get pulled over."

**eye roll**

It did make me laugh though. :)

UPDATE: It was AFTER I dropped her off - no minors were scarred in the making of this edict. ;-)

Be Careful What You Wish For...

There are many things to say in this post, so it might be a little disorganized. I will try to keep things concise. :-)

The reason for the title to this post is that recently I have been feeling disconnected from My Man. Not that we don't express daily love for each other or anything like that, but just we are tired and busy. We get up in the mornings and get ready for our days, maybe watch a little tv, ride to work together - kiss goodbye, he works/I work, end of the day we eat dinner, watch tv/read on our own/maybe browse the net alone, and go to sleep. Not only is sex missing from there, but also just a sense of oneness.

Another thing that has been blatantly missing from our marriage is any sort of tangible headship/HOH. It's not like he isn't "the boss" (I actually have some cute/funny stories to relate at a later date about how it's pretty apparent even to the little kids in my life that he IS the leader :)), but... I've gotten really lax in including him in my daily decisions and seeking his thoughts and input?

So, I have been craving this. Partially from reading a LOT of Carolyn Faulkner the past week (don't worry My Man is fine with it, this is one thing I didn't avoid him in :)) and she paints such a good picture of strong men who take charge and strong women who let them...or not. ;-) And partially just from being who I am. I have this inate need inside of me to be "taken in hand" to be held to standards knowing there are consequences that actually mean something. One of the hardest things about adulthood for me has always been that there are no longer any boundaries or consequences I can see. As long as I don't murder or steal I can pretty much do what I want. I mean, I have even WANTED to get caught speeding just so I could know there were repercussions for my actions. ;-)

So, anyways - Yesterday I accidentally "edited and reposted" the old posting about sex, and I guess My Man hadn't seen it when it was originally posted, so he wrote me this super long super sweet email about wanting to invest in me and wanting to be close and realizing he's dropped the ball a little etc etc etc. And we started talking in the car and I started talking about how I feel like any discipline in our marriage from him is only in the context of play and we started exploring why I feel this way. And a big thing on his end was that anytime he tries to correct me in a serious way (like for something legit not something in the context of a "scene") I balk at it, I tell him he doesn't have that right, I am a grown woman etc. I agreed that I definitely go to that mindset when I don't want to be corrected. But, I don't WANT to be that way, I want to change. 

And as we were talking I realized that there were things I had been doing recently that were so totally not even near the realm of ok, and they almost ALL had to do with money. (I can tell anyone who has read my blog before is not even a little surprised as this seems to be the area I am the worst in) The big thing was that my brother always pays us his rent in cash - $300 cash. This month My Man told me "Put that in the bank today." I said "Sure!"...and never did. And in the last 9 days spent the entire thing. Now in my "defense" a lot of it was legitimate spending things My Man told me to buy (a heater for our bedroom, groceries, etc), but not near all of it. I have been eating out several times a day and he knew this, but he thought I was using my "own" money. (I get cash I can spend on whatever I want) My sister has been here visiting and he knows I am feeding her, but I spur of the moment decided to go to Applebees and it didn't even cross my mind to tell (or ASK) him beforehand. So, because we had just had this long conversation he informed me that before church tomorrow I am going to get the "mother of all spankings", he is also taking "my money" and going to make me ask for cash when I need/want it. I HATE THAT!! I know it is fair and right and just, I spent our "family money" as "my own", but I get panicy and HATE not having money I can spend freely. So, I think it was a good (and logical) punishment.

So, all of this happens - in the car driving home from work last night - and I started to be smart. I don't even know what I said, but it escalated and escalated to the point where I just couldn't stop. We ended up in the bedroom where he gave me a "small spanking" with something that doesn't make any noise. (My sister is still here and I was scared she would hear) (oh, and the thing that doesn't make noise is my arch-nemesis the ipod cord. :)) OH! And he decided when he goes to kiss me I am not allowed to turn my head, and I have to kiss back. (So unreasonable I know. ;-) :-p) So we spent a loooong time "practicing" and I cannot figure out how or why, but as we were all done and getting ready to go out and hang with my sister I decided to "squeeze his balls". I have this really bad habit of "barely hurting" his balls when I am annoyed because I can't cause him pain anywhere else like he can cause me and it amuses me. I know I am a bitch, I am horrible, I am mean... but last night he decided that the best response to me hitting him in his privates was to hit me in mine. 

He laid me on my back and sat on my stomach facing my crotch, forcibly held my legs apart, and told me "I am going to hit it 3 times with my hand, if you close your legs and struggle I will start over." Oh. My. Goodness. I was in so much pain and SO much shock that he would hit me THERE. HARD. I did struggle and was overwhelmed by the pain, but managed to not add anymore. The second he was done I ran to the other side of the room, ripped off my collar, and sobbed. He realized immediately that something had gone "wrong" and so he didn't respond angrily about the collar or me needing to be away from him. He informed me I was having a panic attack (and after he said it I realized he was right I couldn't get words out, I was shaking, I was sobbing so hard I was choking) and we needed to work through it. As I explained it to him he said "Well, why didn't you safe word? Why didn't you say yellow to let me know or even red to get me to stop?" The honest truth is it never even crossed my mind. As I thought through ways to make the pain; stop screaming and telling him it hurts, squeezing my legs shut, clawing at him, none of these things worked, so the only thing I could think of was to submit. To force my legs open and allow him to finish. 

And that was a key to last night. However he needs to change his attack next time (he admit he DID hit me harder than he intended, and he DOES want me to say yellow if I am ever feeling like that so he knows how it affected me), there was a part of me that for the first time in a very long time felt like he was truly in control and there was nothing I could do about it. I was angry and hurting and FREAKING OUT, but I was also feeling ashamed because a part of me felt completed. A part of me felt relieved, and even turned on (although not enough to want to have sex in the least ;-))... So, he has informed me this will be the discipline everytime I hurt his penis... and that VERY much makes me not want to ever hit him in his crotch again, so I think that's the point. :-p

The rest of the night I found myself making a conscious effort to be submissive and respectful. Usually when we were watching tv I start saying "Fast forward!! Skip!" when the commercials come on. (He has this bad habit of watching whatever is on the tv, even commercials...even though he doesnt actually WANT to watch it :)) And last night I think I said something more like "Could we please skip the commercials?" :) I realized that some of this is completely on me. I need to make the intentional effort to speak respectfully and submissively even if I don't feel it. Almost a "fake it 'til you make it". That I am not speaking that way in order to not get "in trouble", but I am speaking that way because I want to respect this man. I want to treat him with respect and deference and be submissive because I love him. And because I think it makes our marriage better for BOTH of us. 

So, this is like a small novel. If anyone made it this far congratulations! ;-)

I'll post about the "mother of all spankings" this week... if it happens. *cheeky grin @ my man* ;-)

UPDATE 7PM - I counted the money and what I spent on "legitimate things" and I only spent 50 - 75 of the "family money"...he says my spanking won't be any less though. I think that's fair. I might disagree when it's time to pay the piper though. :)

I should win the sucky blogger of the year award...

I AM SORRY I HAVE NOT POSTED IN SO LONG!!! I should be spanked soundly. ;-)

I don't even have any legitimate excuses, and the weak ones I have are that I know I am not very good at blogging and don't have much interesting to say, so I didn't write much. And that not that much new has gone on in my life. And that I would much much rather read awesome people like Hermione (hermionesheart.blogspot.com) and Christina (redbootywoman.blogspot.com). :) I enjoy reading other people's experiences because I feel like it helps me to be a better wife and gives me and My Man tips and pointers for our own journey. :)

Thank you Ms. Hermione for the suggestion about the "subscribe button"!!! Oh my goodness what a simple fix and it worked so well!!! I don't know why it didn't work when that is where I wanted it!! :) THANK YOU!!!

I am going to write an actual update in a new post - hopefully today, maybe even this morning. My teenage sister has been staying here this week, and I can't write when she is up. **halo**

Subscribe?

It looks really out of place, and I don't know how to fix it, but there is now a space for you to subscribe by email or I THINK subscribe through google connect? :-p :-)

BTW, My Man and I had good sex yesterday and it reminded me that it's not that bad or hard if we're both into it. ;-)

Bored? Weary? Selfish?

In the last week My Man and I have had sex once. Even in our "pre-kink" days a whole week gone by without being intimate would have been odd.

I am not even sure WHY this is the case. I think it's partially because we are both working, we are working semi-strange hours. (We leave the house together around noon or 1 and then we get back to the house together around 11) We are tired and out of it. Sex is hard, it's not something relaxing or "chill". When we are not at work we just want to veg in front of the tv, read a book, SLEEP!

But, I wonder if there is something wrong with this. We are snuggling, we hug and kiss, we express our love verbally every day. Is sex really THAT important?

Part of me says yes, because I have been told my whole life that if a husband and wife are not having sex they are going to grow apart, that sex is vital, that a marriage will die without it.

But, then, another part of me says That's bullcocky! There are marriage where one of the spouses is unable to have sex and they still love each other and work hard at their marriage. Or when couples get old I KNOW some of them are not getting jiggy with it and they have a deep love and care for each other.

I do miss it in some senses, but I also feel like I can find my fulfillment in My Man in ways other that intercourse.

He misses it though. And that is where the selfishness comes in. Yesterday he tried several times to "get something started", but I kept turning him down because "it's my first day off." "we have so much to do" "we don't have time" "it doesn't feel good right now"... I just wasn't in the mood or have any desire for sex. :-/ I know some of it is my cycle, but some of it is mental too - Sex doesn't come easy for me and so if we haven't done it in "a long time" the thought of trying to get it started just makes me so weary.

I think I will try to be available when My Man comes home today, so he can know I love him and just in case there is something missing in a sexless marriage. :-p

Updateishness :D

I am trying to sort through things right now. Trying to figure out why I feel the things I think I feel and what I am actually feeling in the things I have no clue. :-p

First - I know I battle depression, it is generally related to my hormones, but they are so out of whack I am not even sure why I feel things at certain times anymore. (It used to be I could tell if I was ovulating or about to menstruate or what, but now it's so...random.) This relates to the D/s DD stuff in that I don't know where *I* want this all to be going and when My Man tries to take the lead or tried to read me and go from there things get all messed up.

Second - I feel like I don't have any time or energy to GIVE to My Man anymore. We spent a week at the beach relaxing and that SO helped, but then we get back and life just comes racing back at us. It is so stressful caring for three 6 year olds and a 9 year old (and 75% of the stress is just from 2 of the siz year olds). I am not a naturally bossy person - I am a naturally lazy person, a naturally fun loving person, a person who likes to make others happy and bring them joy...and as long as we are doing fun stuff the girls enjoy we get along great, but the second I try to assert any authority it's met with such intense opposition. OR it's just... I can't control them. Like, we go to a store and they start playing tag and yelling. When I grab one of them and tell her she has to stand by me because she is not using proper store etiquette she drops to the floor and starts SQUEALING and drawing people's attention and it's totally embarrassing and I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! I told her she was gonna get a time out which I feel like was the worst thing I could have done because she made my next hour a living hell. Whining, complaining, refusing to comply with even the simplest request (I was waiting 'til we go to the activity we were going to), like "put your seatbelt on." "Don't try to open the door while I am driving." etc. By having to be the grownup all day I feel like by the end of the day I am so empty of all maturity I just act out towards My Man. I am a complete and total brat and it's not even fun it's just I feel like I have nothing left to give and just need to know I don't have to be the mature, responsible, in charge one in our relationship.

Third - I have so many hang ups. Like, all he wants in the world is a blowjob where he can come. We have been married almost 3.5 years and it has never happened. Longest blowjob ever was less than 5 minutes. Part of it is that I gag, part of it is that my jaw starts to hurt, and most of it is that I don't LIKE it. The very concept of putting someone's genitalia in my MOUTH makes my stomach church just typing it here. You spend your entire childhood being told the areas you pee and poop out of are gross and disgusting and dirty and then when you are a grown up all of the sudden you're expected to put someone elses in your mouth??? I don't think so. :-p Plus, I am not a guy, and I am not him, so I just don't see the point. There are other ways we can get him to come, so why keep pushing the one way that makes ME feel disgusting and gross?? He says to him it is the ultimate act of submission...and I guess I can see that... I guess. It's not that I don't want to bring him pleasure - I just making him happy and bringing him pleasure, but I guess it's hard for me that it has to be in the way that I feel so grossed out and used? I also blame his body - I am not sure he would be capable of coming during a blowjob - he needs things so precise to come that I cannot keep the exact rhythm and whatever that he needs?

That's where my head's at these days... and hating my infertility. I know I go on about brats and how I don't want to have to be in charge anymore, but I really do still want my own kids. I feel like with my own kids I'll have more of an idea of what to do. More options? I'll know them better, so I will better be able to tell when they are not listening or if they just didn't realize they were being bad? I dunno...

Book Reccomends??

(I Will Post An Update Later, But For Now...)


I have been reading non-stop dom/sub erotica for the past few months - My Man is about to forbid them he is so sick of the stupidity and sex.

So, my question is - does anyone have reccomends of books where the male lead is strong, takes charge, is alpha, a good leader, etc and there are not graphic sex scenes? We are fine with spanking, controlling, etc, but he wants me to stop filling my head with graphic sex - any ideas?? :)

Thank you!!!

O.M.G.

It was good good night in the (Hmm I never gave us a pseudo last name... we shall evermore be My Man and Young Lady Firebird ;-)), er, it was a good good night in the Firebird household. Whewmama!!

So, the last couple of weeks we have both been working a lot. I mean, a lot for me meaning that I got a p/t job and My Man has just been working 45 - 50 hour weeks. And, we are both exhausted at the end of the day and My Man tends to sleep until 30 mins before he needs to leave. (even if he doesn't need to leave 'til 1pm ;-)) We have been having semi-regular sex, but it hasn't been amazing just decent. (which for us actually isn't bad since we've spent much of our marriage with me hating intercourse, foreplay, and aftercare :-p )

Tonight we had an impromptu date - he showed me his old neighborhood and then treated us at our favorite steakhouse. It was super fun and relaxing. But, my need to be dominated was growing. It has been the past couple of weeks - I don't just want him to spank me - I want him to take control and leave me to his care. At dinner I had mentioned to him "I want stripes." and then later in the night I was sassing him in the car (in the hopes he would spank me :)). As he got out of the car I said "Fuck you." (I basically use fuck you, fucktard, fuckwad... to get immediate funishment ;)) and then threw his hat on the ground outside the door. He responded "Those stripes you wanted, definitely coming your way." I had shivers and hopes, but especially in the last few weeks his threats don't always meet with action once we  get inside. Because we are so tired once we get inside and he has used the facilities and changed into comfy clothes he just wants to rest, and often my desire to be beaten has diminished and I plead out. Not tonight...

After he got ready I walked into the bedroom and he took control. Oh it was glorious!! He took his time chaining me to the bed, kissing my body, touching me all over, gently swatting my bottom and back and thighs, getting harder and harder until I could "feel the burn", then he started in with the flogger - that thing can pack a punch *laugh*, but I was enoying the attention more than hating the pain. :) Then he started in with my "favorite" implement - it actually probably is my favorite because it has the best results, but I never fear it's going to actually harm me. Our plastic knitting needles. They are super thin and flexible, so they sting and welt without bruising. Another plus is that there are two of them and they are easily wielded in two hands, so My Man has gotten REALLY good at using both at the same time to set a rhythym. I don't know how else to explain them except that most of the time it feels like itty bitty stings ALL OVER MY BODY! It's very uncomfortable and I start squirming a lot, but it's never totally unbearable. Tonight he asked me if I really wanted welts that would last. I said yes. He decided he was going to do "surprise attacks" basically do the little stings and then hit when I didn't expect. I SCREAMED - and he, being a good dom and hubby, stopped immediately. O.M.G. It hurt like crazy. I started crying. This has only happened once before (tears) - wow. Once I calmed down and explained I was upset now because it was in the middle of my back and I couldn't see it he did 2 more, once on each thigh. Those weren't nearly as horrible, but it didn't matter because I never did get to see them...which leads to part 2. of 3. ;-)

THEN, he rolled me over onto my back and started playing with my body. He tried doing nipple clamps, but I have inverted nipples and REALLY big boobs (42 DD-DDD), so it's super hard to get them to stay on. :-p Long story short I have never orgasmed except with a vibrator alone. Anything else touching me at the same time frustrates me and I can't "finish". (even the O's I get from vibe aren;'t AMAZING... early in our marriage the vibe would make me GUSH liquid, like i was soak through our mattress - really wet - lol, not there is nothing) Tonight he decided we were going to get me to O with the hitachi AND his fingers inside of me. After forever and much crying and gnashing of teeth - IT WORKED!! And it felt REALLY good!! :D

THHEEEEEEN, he fucked. O.M.G. He fucked me and it felt SO GOOD!!! And the bestest part... I asked him to put the small butt plug in me AND IT FELT AMAZING AS HE FUCKED ME!!!! Wow... I have never experienced that before and I LOOOOOVED IT!!!! (which probably means next time I will absolutely hate it, but for today I LOVED IT! :))

Then we tried the "medium" plug and it hurt so bad I couldn't let him get it all the way in. I REALLY wish our plugs came in closer together sizes!!! It goes from my thumb (maybe just bigger) to bigger than all 5 of my fingers together. Really annoying.

Anyways, I HAD AN AMAZING NIGHT!!! :D :D :D I love My Man SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!! I got to talk dirty to him as he came and it was great!! YAY!!!

I never know what to write anymore...

I either come across like a whiner or a brat or a poser or who knows what.

I want to be real and genuine, but it feels like even just in my own head I am a different person day to day.

Like for example - I ask My Man for funishment - I get pissed because it hurts so much - he insists he was going at like half of our normal force.

I ask My Man to be firmer and then I get pissed because he is so bossy and I want my personal autonomy.

I know what I want in my head, but because of sleeplessness, hunger, time, work, roommates, whatever it just never seems to fit reality.  I have even tried asking My Man to just do what he wants and I'll "go along", but it's no fun for either of us if it's no fun for me. :-p

I think we are going to find a new church, so I'll maybe be able to have a strong church family/community again, but that doesn't help my "kink community" problem. How do you invest in relationships where you have to say no to so much that they do. I can't "play" with others, I can't go to places where others "play", I just get sad and jealous. And yet when I don't read or associate with others I just get lonely. :-p I feel like the square peg in the round hole - I mimic a lot of similarities, but I don't "fit" anywhere. I don't "fit" in the vanilla or kink worlds.

I am just an infertile, kinky, Christian with nowhere to call "home". :-p

(and I know this probably falls into the whiney catergory :-p)

Shameless Advertisement

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There is this website called OpenSky, and right now if you sign up you get $25 bucks AND free shipping on their website, and if you sign up and use your bucks through my code *I* get an extra $25 on their website - woot!!! So far I have gotten 4 awesome mugs 

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1 "whites/darks" Laundry Bin - 

And Closet Cubbies with 2 Drawers

I paid a grand total of.... $2 and that includes free shipping!!!

PLEASE SIGN UP!!! It's so much fun to get free stuff and when you get your stuff I get stuff and it's just a neverending cycle of goodness. PLUS - when I spend FREE money I don't get spanked. So my ass would thank you for signing up. (Shh... voice of reason, I don't need to hear that if I didn't spend money I wouldn't get spanked :-p ;-))

Oh my link - http://osky.co/RJhTuU

Grrr

Fuck

Damn

Ass

Cunt

Bastard

GRRRRRRRRRRR

that is all.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

ok, that's really all now

I DID IT!! :-)

So, recently I asked My Man how he would like it if I met him at the door after work buck naked with a paddle in my mouth kneeling waiting to be fucked and spanked. He said he would like this very much. ;-)

I have been wary to try it, partially because I never know if he is going to be "in the mood" (although he has assured me if he is NOT in the mood, he will quickly BE in the mood upon arriving home to that scene.) the primary reason I had not yet tried it is because we live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my 20 year old brother. He already puts up with a lot, I didn't want him to accidentally see his sister in the nude. I didn't think it would bless him.

So, I did a few things - One was I made an error in judgement today when it comes to money - I know y'all are shocked as that seems to be my primary transgression if you just go by this blog. THANKFULLY though this one was not as blatant as some. I had money from my birthday to buy a cell phone, I had My Man's permission and blessing to use this money to buy a cell phone. But, through things that were not totally my fault* I ended up buying 2 cell phones on ebay instead of 1. Spending $300 instead of $150. And.. probably also a good thing, I was mortified about it. I literally had tears in my eyes and tried and tried to call My Man to confess what had happened. I wasn't scared of punishment - even if he had punished me for it I knew he wouldn't hurt me out of anger. But, I was so sad and scared that I had disappointed him or caused him stress or worry. After I explained what had happened he freely gave his forgiveness and said it would be okay, he needs a new cell phone anyways, so there is a good chance he can use the "extra" phone. He did have some mild corrections for how I could have handled the situation differently, but he was not upset with me and there was no punishment coming my way...unless I wanted it. Well... I was feeling so pent up and worked up that I said I did. I told him if he could please "spank me fiercely" it would help me feel better and released about the whole situation. Two, I asked him to call me when he was leaving work and then I called him and found out when he was pulling into our apartment complex. I put a big quilt on the floor, so if Brother came out of his room I could quickly cover up. I took all of my clothes off, knelt the way My Man prefers (I have a hard time kneeling the way he finds most submissive and usually he compromises, but I really wanted to be at my most submissive for him), and put a wooden spoon in my mouth. And waited...

He was very surprised, but very pleased. He gave me a very nice spanking (it definitely was pleasurable instead of punishing, but I didn't mind when all was said and done ;)) and then we had a lovely fuck. *grin*

I love My Man.

*I purchased them on Ebay. I found a phone I liked and was bidding on it. when it became more than I wanted to pay I stopped bidding. Everytime you are "outbid" a notice is emailed saying "Oh too bad, you've been outbid, but if the other person backs out you get the product!" Well, I have never had anyone back out AND there was less than 2 hours 'til the end of the auction and Ebay won't LET you back out that close to the end, Sooo... I bid on an iPhone and WON! It was $30 over my budget, but I am also getting an allowance now, so I knew My Man would be okay with it. (he very mildy rebuffed me for that, but it was more of a "teasing" reminder not a serious "You broke the rules") Well, 5 minutes after I paid for my iPhone I got a notice tell me that the other person had backed out and the product was going to be mine in 2 minutes! I wrote the seller explaining and she responded that she will not sell to people who don't have any feedback, so she had denied his bid and per Ebays rules it retracted back to my last bid, I had won, and I had to pay her. I think in this whole thing the only "bad" thing I did was that I didn't wait for My Man to come home and help me sort out what to do before I paid her. I just did some research and felt I didn't really have a case and didn't want to get bad feedback myself. Ugh. It was stressful. My Man says if it ever happens again I need to wait until the auction is completely over before bidding on anything else just on the off chance this same scenario replays.

*GROSS ALERT* *DONT READ IF YOU DONT WANNA BE GROSSED OUT* Butt Plugs are not my friend...

So, My Man and I have talked about butt plugs for a long time. We bought a 3 pack months ago (small medium and large?) and tried the small one, but it fell out when i stood up.

Since then we haven't really tried any anal play.

Yesterday, I was feeling "the brat" I just couldn't get a handle on myself, I think it part partially 'cause I am on like day 4 of my period and it always makes me feel antsy. He spanked me several times and then decided to try the medium sized butt plug. O.M.G. I was "fine" as he was loosening me up, using his fingers, putting the thinner part of the plug in and out, but when he PLUNGED it in (past my very painful hemorrhoid I might add ;-)) I screamed. Literally outloud SCREAMED! I didn't even realize it was me at first. :-p Then I started laughing, and he started laughing, so hard I had tears rolling down my face. He wouldn't believe me it hurt because I was laughing so hard. :-p :-) Once we finished out joviality he told me to try walking with it. I waddled a little, but mostly did okay. He kept barely tapping my butt 'cause everytime I would squeal.

Ok, let me back it up just a second here - BEFORE he put it in, as he was "loosening me up" I said these 4 words "I Have To Pee" He said I didn't really have to and continued going. Well, once the plug was in and I walked around a little I REALLY had to pee, so I sat down to pee... I thought "I'll just be careful the pee will come out the plug will not" The plug fell out...along with something that was NOT pee. *laugh* I spent a long time washing it with soap in very hot water. :-p

I would like to never try a buttplug again, but I get the feeling "My Man" will have different plans than I do. :-p