We keep going in circles on this whole thing because I cannot figure out what I want. I feel so twisted in to knots so much of the time.
Someone asked me today what to do about feeling like a doormat? And I don't know. I decided to post here what I said to her to see if it helps me at all or if anyone reading this has any insights.
I *want* to be in a relationship where he takes charge because he loves me and he wants to protect me, but I *need* to be in a relationship where we are 100% equal and I am not afraid of losing my voice. The Part I put ** *** around is what I think is really key here. It's not fair to say "It only turns me on if it doesn't turn you on"...and I don't think that is actually my thinking or motivation. It's not that I DONT want him turned on it's that I get scared that I am feeding the ego of a man? I don't want to encourage "I am man therefore I am in charge/control I AM BOSS!" I dunno... My head hurts from trying to figure it out.
Anyways, here is what I said to her
"I grew up surrounded by, and even to some extent my own home was, very patriarchal "men are over women, fathers and husbands are the boss and can do no wrong, girls are here to cook, clean, and populate the earth" :) I was 100% certain that I was going to be a raging feminist! Just because I have a vagina doesn't make me any less of a person!! ROAR! ;-)