Our Very SEXy Picnic

We went for a picnic to a local national park today...

We ended up with him switching me on the main path, and having sex in a spot we could pretty easily be seen from.

*happy sighs* I love exibitionism. ;-)

when real life meets "fake life"

This whole DD thing is usually a mix of real and fun for me. I'm never quite sure where the lines are going to cross, but they met in a big way this morning.

When I chose to text and drive yesterday, part of it,.one of the times, was emailing a friend who is aware of the whole journey, she is a spanko herself, and tellimg her I was emailing her while driving, baiting her to see if she would "tell on me"...I for sure was not thinking of it as manipulating her when I did it, but really it comes down to...I was. I was testing her, seeing how she would respond. And that is not nice or fair or right. And My Man grounded me and is gonna spank and lecture (again he already did last night), but ultimately what is killing me inside is that I sinned against my friend. I hurt her. I hurt our friendship and no amount of punishment or I'm sorry is going to erase that or take it back. And that is where the "cleansing"" of DD hasn't always helped me. There is no "cleansing" for this... the hard truth is that in real life when you hurt someone that's it. You can't erase that.

And I hate that. I hate that I hurt her. I hate that I made that choice.

Dom/Top/HoH common denominator..

I have yet to meet a submissive lady/wife/little whose Dom/Top/HoH seems to think texting and driving is a good idea. Not one.

Why does it seem like a good idea at the time and ALWAYS seems like such a bad idea when I feel guilty and confess it later?

NOTE - Pics are not to say I don't think texting and driving is serious. I just wanted something more than. "So i am grounded and lectured and spanked yet again" :-p

Sex Survey

I found out from Rogue about this "sex survey" on PK's blog, and I was curious, so I decided to just do it *grin*

A. Have you ever had sex in three or more positions in one session?  Most times... we get bored. But we are actually pretty boring because we almost always ONLY do those 3 positions.

B. Have you ever had sex continuously for more than an hour? Eww. No.

C. Have you ever devoted an entire day to sex and sexual activity (with time out for eating, etc.)? No. We are "lucky" if sex and spankings and "fun" takes up more than an hour of our day. He would be very willing. I am kinda boring, and don't like foreplay. :-p

D. Have you ever been so loud having sex that housemates/neighbors commented or complained? Ummm... YES. lol. We share a bedroom wall with my adult brother who lives with us. :-p

E. Have you ever had your sexual technique/style/skill openly praised by someone?  uh... if you mean Hubby is like "That was so sexy/good" then yes? :-p

F. Have you ever written an explicitly erotic story? Yes and no. I have written explicitly adult stories, but they have not had sex YET. 

G. Have you ever brought your partner to orgasm using only your hands? No. I have never brought him to orgasm myself ever. He does all the work when we have sex. :-p

H. Have you ever licked or sucked on someone else’s feet and/or toes? Of course...

I. Have you ever had sex with someone you’re not in a relationship with? No. *smile* No I have not.

J. Have you ever had sex simultaneously with two or more people? No, but it fascinates me.

K. Have you ever had anal sex? Nope, but it's on my list of goals for this year.

L. Have you ever gone out in public while wearing an anal plug? I think so... I have around the house. And I have definitely gone out wearing ben-wa-balls :)

M. Have you ever gotten really turned on by saying or hearing dirty talk? Define dirty... yesish, but if it's spanking or "you're a bad girl and here are all of the ways im gonna punish you" i melt into a pile of good and need to change my panties. :)

N. Have you ever realized that you are much more sexually open-minded/kinky than most of your previous partners and/or friends? I have no previous partners, but I am aware that I am much more sexually open-minded and "kinky" than almost everyone I know in real life. That said it doesnt mean they are unhappy or "lacking"...they like their sex lives and are happy. :)

O. Have you ever been part of an S/M role play (master/mistress/slave), domination (as the dominant/submissive part), or being victim of pain (such as whipping, caning, hot wax on genitals, nipple clamps/genital clamps etc.)? Nope strictly vanilla... all the way...white as snow ;-) NOT. :-p

P. Have you ever-fantasized about or practiced orgasm control/denial? Not really because it took us SO SO long to get me too finally have an orgasm I dont think I'd ever want to be denied.

Q. Have you ever tried scissoring? I had to look it up, so no no I have not. :)

R. Have you ever performed or received oral sex from a man? Ummm.... if you mean has he ever tried to perform oral on me - yes. Did I like it? HELL. NO. *shudders* He is an amazing man to be willing, but I think it is SO SO gross and I hate the way it feels. And me doing it to him? Yeah, but I have never gotten him to finish from it.

S. Have you ever performed or received oral sex from a woman? nopers.

T. How old were you the first time you had sex?  25 on my wedding night.

U. How many sexual partners have you had? One :) 

V. Have you ever practiced BDSM on yourself (bondage, nipple clamps, hot wax, et cetera)? A Little, but it's no fun by myself. :)

W. Have you ever had sex in front of other people? Nope, we have had sex in public restrooms, and a room in our church when other people were outside the room, but never where anyone could see :)

X. Have you ever had a crush on a fellow blogger? Define crush.... *eyebrow raise*

Y. Have you ever had an orgasm without any direct stimulation (not counting dreams)? no , but I have gotten VERY "swollen down there" without any direct stimulation :)  

Z. Do you like being called dirty names during sex? Yes, but it's not very common because I don't like to be called "mean names", although I do like being called his naughty little girl or his sexy little subby or stuff like that :)

Ouch...

How can hurting to sit make me simultaneously feel annoyed AND loved? Although more loved. :)

I would say last night was the most intense spanking of 2014.
'
It was needed, but the lectures and time out were even better. *smile*

I am loved. And cared for. And cherished.

Saturday Laughs...

Change it to hubby and this is pretty true ;-)

What To Do When You're The One Changing All The Rules...

This post is going to be hard for me to write because so much of me is screaming "Idiot!! Of course you're WRONG WRONG WRONG!! Don't even talk about it because you're SO WRONG!" And yet there is a part of me that won't stop saying "But.. what if you're not wrong..."

So, we got married almost 5 years ago, started courting almost 6 years ago. I grew up believing "One Man - One Woman = God's only plan for sex/marriage/physical AND emotional intimacy", if you thought about a guy as "cute" or "sexy" is was basically cheating on your future husband, or almost worse lusting after someone else's husband. As I got into my 20's I started to think "Well, I can't actually find strong Biblical grounds against polygamy, and it could be fun to have sister wives". It was something My Man and I joked about a lot throughout our courtship and early marriage. But he would always tease back that I wouldn't be satisfied to just let HIM have sex with her, I'd want to be involved. So the idea grew in my mind that maybe "commited polyamory" was okay... So a couple years ago we get into "the scene" and I start seeing more and more people who are SEXUALLY monogamous, but play with lots of other people. Some of them both genders, some of them only the opposite gender of their spouse, varying degrees and levels, but it seems a fairly common thread that while only "playing" with your spouse happens it's rare. And I start to read a lot of erotica and really open myself up to the idea that spankings are just part of my hardwiring. And that it's okay to be excited and "turned on" by the topic, especially because it makes running into My Man's arms and bed that much more fun and exciting.

But now we are at an impasse. I want more. I want to play with other people. Not anything "sexual", no kissing, no fondling, no weird touching, not even unclothed necessarily. Just spankings and lectures and that "naughty little subby stuff". I want to receive, but I can see why My Man is against it. I don't agree with him, I think we can have fun with this without compromising our "marriage bed", but he wants my receiving spankings to only come from him. And I can accept that. Not like it, but accept it. But, then we get into the GIVING angle. Recently I have started thinking about GIVING spankings. Giving that excitement and pleasure to others. Getting to top for women and have them submit and surrender to me. Lecturing them. Taking them in hand. Making them feel like naughty little girls who need chastisement. What a THRILL that would be. I don't even want it all the time, I'd be willing to put so many limits and caveats on it, but My Man is utterly opposed to it. And this one I just DONT understand. He would even be willing to let me spank him and try to dominate him. (and that is a HUGE step for him, he is not a subby AT ALL, especially not to me) But I just don't think it would work. How could I dominate the one who consistently dominates me? How could I spank someone who isn't getting any pleasure out of it? How could I top the one who tops me in every way... it just wouldn't work. And because it is not something that is in anyway part of our relationship I feel like it's not taking anything away from him.

But he does. and that is where it's hard and confusing. In the past I'd have 100% said that if your spouse/partner/SO is not okay with something it's a lack of love to try to push them towards allowing something that they are not comfortable with. And that it's selfish and wrong to ask them to share you with others... and a part of my heart still believes that. But the other part of my heart is like "But... isn't it selfish of him to hold me back?" I am so torn up and flipped around inside. The "good Christian girl" inside of me is like "Love means doing what is best for the other person 24/7", "You can never take back pieces of yourself, and the more you give away the less you have that is sacred", "There is no shame in erring on the side of caution and it will keep you from sin". But I feel like if we had "erred on the side of caution" we'd have never started this journey. We'd be doing missionary, reading only our Bibles, and never owning a tv or radio or anything "non-holy".  And that sounds flippant, but it's really how I view the world. Either we are living every second concerned with "is this holy" or we live our lives saying "I will do my best to glorify and reflect Christ in my life and through what I do"... I don't know what to think anymore..

I guess at this point bottom line what it comes down to is that My Man is the one who I am married to. He is the one who I love more than anyone or anything else in this life. And part of love is sacrificing my own desires and needs and wants to fulfill HIS desires, needs, and wants. Even when it's hard or hurts or feels unfair. But, even in that I wonder where the lines are. In his perfect world I wouldn't roleplay, i wouldn't brat with anyone except him, i wouldn't flirt in any way (basically the bratting) with anyone except him, I wouldn't go anywhere "sketchy" without him (bars, bad parts of town, kinky people's houses, kink events, etc)... but the bratting is just part of who I am. As long as I can remember I have been saucy and sassy and lived for the thrill of getting people to scold me. WAY before I knew I was :"into" "this stuff" I was playing school and making the teacher smack me with a ruler or make me write lines. As soon as I discovered IM and chat rooms I was looking for big brothers and big sisters to tell me to go to bed, eat food, do my chores, etc etc etc. It's just part of who I am. I am a naturally flirty bratty little girl, and I feel like his perfect world for my inner brat is at a 0, where I just don't relate to anyone except him that way, my perfect world is at a 7 or 8 where he gets the 10, he gets all of my, but I share most of the brat with others (and sexually he would get 10 and others would get 2), and we "compromise" at a 3 where I sneak up to a 5, but neither of us are really happy.

I dunno. I am on my period and we all know that makes things 1,000,000% harder for EVERYONE, but especially for me. I am such a hormonal bitch when I am bleeding. :p

Daisy's Daddy...

this is a little story I wrote for an FL group recently... it was my first attempt at AP. :) It is fiction and just for fun :) It's a NON-sexual AgePlay story :)

Daisy stepped off of the train, very self-conscious and uncertain. She absent mindedly played with her hair and pulled at her skirt. She'd followed his instructions to a T, her light brown hair in high pigtails with bright yellow ribbons, no make up, an absurdly short sundress-she didnt even know where he'd found a little mermaid dress big enough for a cow like herself. *flinch* "Thats a strike" she could hear his voice ringing through her head. She knew that gone were her days of using descriptors like that about herself without consequence. If he could make her feel chastised and a blubbering mess through a computer screen and over the phone, she had no qualms about his abilities now that she was finally here about to be face to face. Daisy looked down at her shoes and smiled a little. Somehow he had found her a pair of yellow jellies, just like the ones she'd had as a kindergartener.

Tugging at the My Little Pony backpack she looked around. She didn’t see him, although she had only met him once in person she was sure that if he were there she would know. She scuffed her foot a little, frankly, she didn't feel vunerable or "little" she just felt ridiculous. So many times today she had been tempted to turn around or skip some part of his directions, but she pushed through. She had done her hair, she had worn the clothes, she had foregone the make up even though she hadn’t left the house without make up in over a decade.

The only instruction that she had skipped was the “look in the mirror and say the things I would say.” When she had looked in the mirror before she left the house she had said things to herself that he most definitely would NOT have said, and if he had heard her she’d have been making use of that vile bar of soap he had sent her, and she had used half a dozen times in the last 6 months. “Gross, ugly, fat, scarred, broken” those were the words she said as she looked in the mirror. That actually had been the moment she had almost turned back. What kind of woman her size and age in her right mind would step out of the house this way? She was surprised people hadn’t gagged when she walked into the train station.

Suddenly another train pulled into the station and the doors opened, people started to pour onto the platform. She was surrounded, all of these people could see her. They could see her grossness. They could see her shame. She felt that familiar panic start to set in, her hands went cold, her chest felt so tight, her breathing started to quicken. She feel like she had to work 10x as hard to get enough oxygen, as her knees weakened and she could feel herself about to fall to the ground she felt strong hands wrap around her waist and a deep soothing voice saying “Breathe. You’re safe. You’re secure. You’re okay, my Daisy girl, you’re okay.” Daddy!! He hadn’t forgotten her, he hadn’t changed his mind, he was here! Daisy sunk into his embrace.

6 months Earlier – Daisy wasn’t even sure why she was here. Her friend Meredith had basically forced her to come, she said Daisy needed to “get out more”, “meet new people”, “it’ll be fun”…fun…right. She walked into the restaurant and quietly told the hostess she was looking for the group that had reserved the back room. The hostess smiled at her and led her back to an almost greenhouse like room full of windows and an outdoor exit on either side. As Daisy stepped into the room she tried to look around without being obvious, these people didn’t LOOK like freaks. They were all dressed relatively normally, some of the women had bows in their hair, a few of the guys AND girls were in rather juvenile looking outfits, but no one really stood out as “different”. She knew the lifestyle choices Meredith had made, but she had never actually met any of Meredith’s “Little Friends”.

*DAISY!!!* Meredith ran up, dressed as she always was in a brightly colored ensemble and a sparkly headband, and squeezed her, Daisy stiffened. She didn’t like to be touched, Meredith knew this, what was she DOING?? “Oh sorry!” Meredith immediately backed up and apologized. “I was so scared you were gonna bail on me.” “I almost did,” Daisy responded wryly. “Come on!!!” Meredith motioned towards a far corner of the room by the left outside exit door, and Daisy followed. Pointing to the tables and booths around them Meredith said in her normal overly bubbly voice, “This is Jake and Mia, Luke and Tessa, Gretchen and Bonnie, Felicity and James, and THIS” Meredith had a HUGE grin on her face  and squealed“is My Daddy - Josh” Daisy blinked. In all of the months that Meredith had been sharing bits and pieces of her life, and gushing over this man, she had never once mentioned that he wasn’t old. Daisy just assumed that any person who was into this sort of lifestyle would be a dirty old man, but Josh looked MAYBE 30 if that, and Meredith was 28. He stood and smiled at her. She held out her hand and stiffly shook his “It’s…nice to meet you, I’ve heard good things.” He smiled tenderly as he warmly grabbed her hand in both of his. “I have heard very nice things about you as well. Please sit down, we were just starting to look at the menu.”

Daisy slid into the booth on the very outer edge closest to the exit, so that she was on the outside and Meredith was in the middle between her and Josh. Daisy made a show of studying the menu as if she didn’t already know she was going to order a side salad and an unsweet iced tea. She hated eating in public, she knew that people would look at her and wonder why such a fatty was stuffing her face.

Just as the waiter was approaching to take their orders a man walked up to the table and said “Is this seat taken?” as he pulled a chair over to their table. Well, not exactly a man, more like a walking mountain. He was well over 6 feet tall with a full red beard, deep green eyes, wearing a leather jacket, black jeans, and big black boots. It was hard to tell with his size and facial hair, but Daisy guessed her was somewhere in his early 40’s? When he spoke she could feel his voice rumbling through the air all the way to her toes. “Ummm…. Uhhhhh….” Daisy just stared and she could feel the starts of a panic attack coming on, the man was too close, she tried to push her way out of the booth, but she couldn’t get through. “Shhh shhh shhh little ones, it’s okay, it’s okay, you’re safe” Despite his size and proximity something about his voice and his hands firmly placed on her shoulders filled her with a calm. She looked into his eyes, and she really did feel safe. That was a first, she hadn’t had a man she felt safe around since… well she wasn’t going to think about that.  “Uh, I guess since you put a chair there YOU took it.” She managed to get out. The man laughed, a deep rumbling belly laugh. “You’re cheeky. I like that.” Daisy sat up straighter and slammed her fist on the table “I am not CHEEKY, I am DAISY!” then she gasped and covered. Where did THAT come from? She couldn’t believe those words and that tone had exited her mouth. She prided herself on being polished and well spoken. She couldn’t believe how petulant and rude she had been.  Again the man just rolled with laughter and smiled, “Cheeky like I said.” She stared…waiting for his name, but he didn’t offer one.

Meredith tried to break through the tension by saying “Daisy, this is-“ Josh’s hand was gently over Meredith’s mouth, “Little One, If he wants to share that information with Miss Daisy, he will. It’s not your job.” Meredith’s eyes sparked and she smacked his hand off of her face, and yelled “I’ll talk if I wanna…” almost as soon as the words had left her lips and the echo of the “smack” was bouncing off the walls. Josh had stood up and scooped her up in his arms like a baby. Meredith immediately started saying “IM SORRY, I didn’t, I won’t”, but she wasn’t struggling to get down she was clutching Josh’s shoulders. “We’ll be right back” Josh said gently as he carried Meredith out a side door. Daisy felt alarmed, what the hell just happened? And now she was surrounded by people she did not know and RIGHT next to this man she definitely did not know, the feelings of panic started AGAIN to rise. The man gently held her hands and said “close your eyes, and breathe in and out. And in….and out…you are safe. You’re okay. You are SAFE, You’re. O.  K.” Daisy responded to his voice almost without realizing she was doing it, and for the second time in less than 5 minutes this man was able to calm her down. She opened her eyes and asked quietly, “What IS your name?” He grinned and said “You, little girl, may call me Mr. Evans for right now.”

“Mr. Evans?! What kind of pompous jerk…” she caught herself, again the words seeming to fall out of her mouth without her forming them. “I-I-I – I don’t know what’s gotten into me, I’m not normally this forward.” *or rude* she thought.  He raised an eyebrow, but smiled. “Let me start over, my name is Daisy, Meredith, who just was carried away” *..where did they go anyways* “is my best friend and has been for over 2 decades. She invited me here today, I just came to support her and check out some of her world. I am NOT into this whole “age-play” thing. I have been taking care of myself for a very long time now, and I am not looking for a “father figure” in my life. I have zero interest in a “daddy” or anything therein. So, would you like to try telling me your name again?” She was flustered, but somehow the same aura that allowed him to break through her panic attack was also giving her guts that she normally  wouldn’t have. The man gently put his finger under her chin and said “For Now. **You.** May call me - Mr. Evans.” Daisy blinked, in any other circumstance she would either be dealing with a full blown panic attack or incredibly angry that any man would assume that tone or air with her, but instead she felt very safe. Like for the first time in a long time she didn’t need to be on her guard or alert. It was ok to rest for a moment and just enjoy being in his piercing gaze. “Oooookaaay, MR. EVANS” she managed to get out, “Where is YOUR….”little”?” a look of pain crossed his face for a second, if Daisy were not so focused on his face she might have missed it. “I do not have a better half right now. I came today because these these people have been my rock over a very difficult time in my life, and I love them. I am also here because Meredith asked me to. I don’t beat around the bush Miss Daisy. Meredith told me she had a friend who she was worried about, who needed someone to help her let go of some really heavy baggage, and she thought maybe I could help.” Just as he was finishing up what he was saying Meredith and Josh came back in the room, Meredith was beaming, holding his hand, practically skipping. Josh leaned over and kissed her head. As she slid into the booth, she hissed a little, and Daisy looked critically at Josh and then at Meredith. “Here?? Now??”. She asked incredulously. Meredith gave her a very cheesy smile, and laughed. Turning towards “Mr. Evans” she said “Levi, Daisy cracks me up, she doesn’t care that he beats my a….BUTT” she faltered as Josh put his hand on her thigh, “Doesn’t care that I get my BUTT beaten on a regular basis, doesn’t care that I am like addicted to spank lit, doesn’t even care that I go to BDSM clubs on the weekends sometimes, but it’s the fact that I’d rather drink juice out of a sippy cup than drink wine at a hoity toity function, run around at a playground instead of the mall, and read Dr. Seuss instead of the New York Times that she can’t get past.” Meredith laughs lightly, Daisy blushed a vivid pink. “It’s not that I JUDGE you, I just don’t GET you.” She was quick to respond. A little *too* quick, Levi noticed. After the waitress came by and got everyone’s orders. Daisy said “So, LEVI, what do you do for a profession?” He stared at her for a full 30 seconds without saying anything, and Meredith started giggling. “Come again, Little girl?” He said without taking his gaze off of her. “I said, w-w-what do you do for a job, L….L….Mr Evans?” Daisy blushed furiously *what is **wrong** with me??*. Levi smiled, “I am a building engineer for some large corporations. Basically I travel a lot and help them figure out where to build, how to build, what to build, and how to do it in the most cost effective way. What do YOU do, Miss Daisy?” She noticed that somehow his “Miss” before Daisy was very different from the “Mr.” before Evans. “I work at an assisted living facility for the elderly. I mostly work with the more disabled. I bathe them, help them get dressed, feed them, talk, listen. It’s a really fulfilling job.” Levi could see that he eyes lit up when she talked about her job. “You’re really passionate about that aren’t you?” he asked with a smile. “Yes, I really am. I think it’s horrible the way that human beings in this country are essentially discarded when their “usefulness” is gone. There is a lot of usefulness left in a person who can no longer take perfect care of themselves, they have so much to share with us and I think we should listen.” Daisy said all of this boldly and strongly, not even a hint of her earlier flusteredness. When the waitress brought the food Levi looked at her salad and asked lightly, “Is that your appetizer to wet your appetite for lunch?” “I don’t really recall it being any of your business, but no. I had a large breakfast and wasn’t feeling up to anything heavy. Just because I’m a cow doesn’t mean I eat like one!” She said this eyes flashing as if she was going to get up from the table and take him on if he dared another word, but the change in his face when the words “I’m a cow” left her lips made her scoot in closer to Meredith. “Excuse me?” Levi and Josh said the exact words at the exact same moment, and Daisy looked frantically at Meredith “What did I DO?” Meredith looked a little startled herself, she knew that Daisy felt she was overweight and unattractive, but she hadn’t realized how deeply it permeated her identity. Levi spoke up again, “I would VERY much like to know why you are speaking so ugly….” Daisy didn’t know what to say. She wanted to spout off that how she spoke about herself was none of his damn business, or that she was only speaking the truth and would he kindly butt out, but somehow  none of those statements were coming through. She was feeling increasingly more and more like an errant child sent to the principals office. She decided the only way of facing this was to avoid, so she shoved past Levi and ran out the exit door.

After Daisy arrived at her car she realized this had been a foolish move on many levels, not the least of which she had left her purse inside under the table. And, it had her keys and her cell phone in it, so it wasn’t like she could just ask Meredith to bring it to her later. “What the hell is wrong with me?? Just because a man has amazing eyes and a great body you just melt into goo around him? GROW UP Daisy” she yelled at herself. Then, she heard laughing, a deep belly laugh that made her want to die, just melt into the ground never to be found again. “Mr. Evans” she said curtly. He grinned and handed her her purse. “I thought you might need this for your escape plan” he teased. Daisy blushed, but did have a small smile for him. “I guess this was a particularly BAD escape plan. Thank you” He put a hand on her shoulder, “You’re welcome. But I meant what I said in there – there is no place for ugliness like that in your life. It shouldn’t be coming out of your lips, it shouldn’t be filling your head. You didn’t ask me, but if you did, I’d say you have been carrying all the weight of the world for a very very long time. I would say that you are tired and you just want to rest. I would even go so far as to say that the carefree childlike wonder that Meredith has… it doesn’t repel you. It doesn’t disgust you. It doesn’t even CONFUSE you Miss Daisy… you’re jealous. You’re longing to have the cares and the scars and the weight lift off of you, so that you can embrace the side of you that you’ve worked SO hard to deny. Like I said, no one asked, but if I was to guess – I am pretty sure I’m spot on.” Daisy’s eyes filled with unshed tears, *damn it, I don’t CRY*, she tried to look uninterested in what he was saying but her heart was screaming “YES!” even while her mind was screaming “NO NO NO”. “Thank you for returning my purse, Mr. Evans.” She said gently, she reached in to pull out her wallet “Here let me give you some cash to cover the salad and tea.” He gave her the incredulous look now, “Is there really ANY part of you that thinks I am going to accept money from you?? That I am not going to pay your bill? I know you read those same books Meredith does, has there ever been a her worth his salt that let’s the heroine pay her own way?” He says this mostly teasing, but firmly puts her wallet back in her purse. Daisy stuck out her tongue before she could stop herself and said “You are DEFINITELY not the hero in MY books” *rude rude rude, you’re such a rude idiot* Levi could see the words processing in her brain as a dark look crossed her face, “Whatever those thoughts were – they are lies. Don’t accept them….and I’m the hero in all of MY stories. Maybe you’re reading the wrong material.” He finished teasingly. As he helped her into her car he handed her a business card, “This is all my pertinent information, phone number, email address, and I wrote a little special something for you on the back. I would really like to take care of you Daisy. I think there is a VERY bruised and broken down little girl inside of you, and I really think I could help revive her. Help her to remember what it is like to look at the world with awe and wonder. To help the big Daisy to not have to carry so much weight.” With this he closed her car door, not letting her respond and walked back into the restaurant.

The next day Daisy had written and erased an email to him at least 10 times. She would convince herself that she might as well give it a try, what could it hurt, and then just as quickly tell herself she was a blooming idiot. She would write out a “quick email” that just expressed gratefulness for being kind to her, and it would turn into a long letter about how what he said made her feel. Finally she just wrote an email that said. “Please” and sent it before she could back out. Over the next 2 hours she refreshed her email incessantly. She tried to watch a movie, read a book, do some laundry, ANYTHING but sit in front of her computer like an idiot waiting for Levi to write back. But she couldn’t pull herself away. Finally she got a reply back, it was short too, but it made her blush. “Good choice, Little Girl.” And then it was followed by another “Did you read the back of the card?” She had COMPLETELY forgotten. She flipped the card over and saw that he had listed a website and a user name. She created an anonymous account on the website and looked up his user name. He had a VERY detailed profile. He listed all of the things he believed a good Daddy did, and all of the things he expected of a little under his care. He listed some things he was NOT interested in, and Daisy was glad because she wasn’t either. Daisy decided to go ahead and fill out some information on her profile as well, if she was here she might as well make use of it. Since it was anonymous, and really the only person who would know it was her was Levi she felt bold. She clicked various things that caught her interest, she typed up a list of the aspects of being a little that she thought were interesting and the ones she thought sounded nasty, boring, or uncomfortable. After she was done she checked her email again, and there was message from him. “Lil’ Daisy – in order to really meet your needs I need to really get to know YOU better, please fill out this survey and have it back to me within 24 hours. Yours, Mr. Evans” It asked her favorite colors, foods, scents, movies, books, it also asked what things she DIDN’T like. She put down green, salad,  peach, Serenity, Jane Eyre….she said she didn’t like blue, abhorred applesauce, didn’t like the smell of cinnamon, hated animated movies, and didn’t like modern retellings of old stories. She likes her classics to be classical. 20 minutes after sending the email she had a text. “Don’t lie to me. I have never met a woman, let alone a little girl like you, that listed salad as her favorite food. You have 5 minutes to tell me the truth” *how did he get my phone number?? And who is he to say I don’t like salad.* But what she really wanted to know was “What happens in 5 minutes if I don’t reply….”

Exactly 5 minutes later her phone rang, she felt butterflies in her tummy, but she tried to sound nonchalant, “yeah?” she answered. “You didn’t obey.” His voice sounded so stern and strong. She wavered in her resolve a little, “Ummm” “Shhh, I am talking, you are listening. Did you get my text?” “mhmm” “What did you say Little Girl?” “Umm… Y-Y-Yes Sir I got your text.” “And you chose not to reply.” “yeeeeaaaaah” “So first you lied to me about the salad, and then you chose to disobey, on purpose.” “Well, I wouldn’t” “Yes or No, Little Girl.” “Y-Y-Yes.” “Alright then, you disobeyed me on purpose, and you’re going to have corner time.” *corner time* she let out a laugh, she hadn’t sat in a corner since she was in preschool, was he serious? “Yes, actually I am VERY serious.” *gulp, she didn’t realize she had said that outloud* “Yes sir.” “Here is what you are going to do, are you paying close attention Little Girl because I will only give the instructions once.” “Yes Sir!” “Good girl, alright, I want you to take off all of your clothes and put on a nightgown, do you have any night gowns?” “Yyes sir, one with Tigger on it” she could hear him trying to hide the smile in his voice and maintain the sternness. “Very good, you will put that on and go kneel in a corner. Not stand. Not sit. Kneel. Facing the wall with your phone next to you. Don’t get up. Don’t move. Don’t look away from the wall until I call you. I expect you to be in position in less than 5 minutes, do you understand?” “Yes Sir.” And he hung up. Daisy hurriedly threw her clothes on her bed, pulled on her Tigger shirt and knelt in a corner in her bedroom. She was very grateful that her apartment was carpeted. About 2 minutes in she started to fidget. This was INCREDIBLY boring. After 5 minutes her knees started to ache. She touched her phone, maybe it was on silent, how long had it actually been, she didn’t want to miss it if he DID call. But her phone’s ringer was all the way up, so she put it back on the ground and continued to wait. After 15 minutes her phone buzzed *praise The Lord* “Hello??” “Did you obey?” “Yes sir.” “Completely? Not moving no looking around, No Touching Your Phone?” “Weellll…..” “Nope we’re starting over” “click” *seriously that mother fuckin’ asshole….* and yet she turned around and faced the corner again. No matter how boring or agonizing it was she didn’t move this time. There was a part of her that really craved for him to say “good job”, that felt badly for letting him down. Exactly 15 minutes later her phone rang, this time she answered “Yes Sir?” “Did you obey this time?” “Yes sir, no moving, no looking NO Phone” “Good job little Daisy, I am VERY proud of you. You took your first punishment very well.” Her heart swelled at his words. “Soooo….may I get up now I’m all crinky!” He laughed and said “definitely!! Get up, jump, dance, get all those crinks out.” So she did. She thought she was gonna die when te blood started going back into her feet and legs, but it only took a minute before she felt more normal again. “Alright Lil’ Daisy, are you listening?” “Yes sir” “Did you lie to me about the favorite food?” guilt stabbed her belly “Kiiind of.” “You cannot kind of lie Little Girl, did you tell me the truth or not?” “I told you the food I eat most often, but not the one I like the most.” “Alright then you lied, I want you to say, “I lied Mr. Evans and I am ready to accept my punishment.” *what is this a fuckin’ porno I am so not…* “I lied Mr Evans and I am ready to accept my punishment.” *damn you and your eager willingness to please* “Good girl, please go get a wash cloth, get it super sudsy with bar soap from the bathtub, and tell me when it is ready.” “Soap?? But I Thought that was only for cussing… at least in my books…” “Did I ask what you thought, Little Girl? Or did I simply ask you to obey?” The butterflies in her belly were multiplying *what are they having an orgy in there?* “Y,yes sir.” She quickly dug out a wash cloth, got it all wet, and soaped it up. “The washcloth is all ready, what now?” “Now I want you to put it in your mouth and rub it around vigorously. And I am going to talk, and you are going to leave it there and… What type of soap is it, Daisy?” “Uuuuh… Let me look, Yardley Lavender Oatmeal soap?” “Well, that will work for today, but I will send you a better one for the future. Alright go ahead and lather up, and Don’t Take It Out. If you take it out the time not only starts over, it doubles. Do you understand, Little Girl?” her belly was flip flopping soo bad she was scared she was going to gag on the wash cloth. “Yes Sir.” “very good” She rubbed it all over her mouth and gagged a little, it wasn’t the worst thing ever, but it WAS nasty “ISH IN ME MUFF” “Daisy, you chose to use your mouth to say lies, and don’t try to say it wasn’t your mouth it was your fingers, because as far as I am concerned any way we communicate together is considered something you used your mouth for. I care about you and I want you to be happy and carefree, and part of that is training you in how to use your mouth for GOOD things and not bad things. I will soap you everytime you cuss, say mean things about yourself, lie, say disrespectful things to me…basically any choice you make to use your words in a way that does not follow the rules – you’ll be soaped. You can take the wash cloth out now and spit.” She ripped it out and started gagging and spitting into the sink. Levi laughed a little “You may swish some water around if you want.” So she did, over and over and over. But she could still taste that soap. “Alright, what would you like to say Little Girl?” “I am sorry for lying and I’ll NEVER EVER do it again.” “Very Good! Now, for the truth – What Is Your Very Favoritest Food in the entire world, Lil’ Daisy?” She fought hard the urge to say something like Hummus or Green Beans, but she thought he would be able to tell if she were lying again. “Choc…chocolate ice cream with oreo and chocolate fudge…sir.” Levi had a very big smile to his voice “Oh that sounds SUPER Yummy Lil’ Daisy!! We will definitely have to get you some of that next time you earn a reward. I am very pleased with the way you took your punishments and very proud of you. I’ll call you tonight before you go to sleep. And Daisy?” “Yes Sir” “Unless you need to leave the house, don’t put anymore clothes on, I want you wear your Tigger nighty.” She smiled “Yes Sir.”

2 Months Later (4 Months previous to the opening)

Daisy was practically bouncing as she stared at her cell phone, Mr. Evans ALWAYS called at exactly 8pm, and last night he had promised her a surprise tonight. *RING* Daisy took a deep breath, lately when Mr. Evans called she’d been practically giddy, giggling and being very emotional, tonight she was going to try harder to avoid the “little girl thing”. So, she put on her most mature, calmest voice, practically bored “Hello, this is Daisy, how may I help you?” “You can put MY Daisy on the phone… the adorable, cute funny one?” Mr. Evans didn’t sound angry, but he also didn’t sound pleeeeased. “This is Daisy, So kind of you to call Mr. Evans.” She was having a hard time not giggling, somehow he always brought it out of her. “Hmmm… this will never do. I called to talk to a good little girl and tell her about her surprise, but if you’re all grown up and mature then maybe we need to help you get into the right mindset.” Daisy gulped “NOPE! No sir, definitely me here!! Definitely cute and FRICKIN’ adorable!!” Daisy bit her lip, well she HAD tried, but she really wanted that surprise and being all growed up wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, she also twitched a little as “frickin” came out… she wasn’t entirely sure which list that one was on. “Daisy Grace! I am not sure you’re ready for a surprise little  girl, I think you’re having an awfully hard time with your words tonight.” Daisy’s stomach flip flopped and she moved the phone from one hand to the other. “No sir, PLEASE, I’ll be SUPER good…” Mr. Evans had a slight smile to his voice “I should REALLY punish you, but unfortunately *I* am incredibly excited about your surprise as well, so you get a pass, but I am warning you little girl, next time your use that mouth in a way that goes against the rules you’ll be in Big Trouble – got it?” Daisy shuddered, but in a good way. “Yes sir. I’ve got it. SOoooooooo….WHATS MY SURPRISE?” “What do YOU think it is?” Daisy thought a minute “ICE CREAM?? I loved it the other times when you got it delivered here and you had some there and it was like we were eating it together…is it ice cream?” Mr Evans laughed, in the last 2 months the most excited he had ever seen her was over ice cream, “No Little Girl, not ice cream tonight. Tonight it’s something different. You’re just wearing one of your nighty shirts, right?” “Of Course!” Daisy said indignantly, “I ALWAYS am in my nighty shirts when you call… now…” Daisy subconsciously rubbed her behind, she’d never met a person who was so…effective with their words. Mr. Evans laughed, but also said slightly stern “TONE Daisy…TONE… alright, here’s the deal just for tonight I need you to put on some shorts or pants and your slippers and go outside by the little play area behind your building… let me know when you’re ready and there.” Daisy got ready as quickly as she could and hurried down stairs and outside. “Alright sir, I’m out here… what now?” “Do you see that little tunnel under the slide? Go look in it.” Daisy wondered how he knew SO much about where she lived, as far as she knew he had never been here, he had been on a job halfway across the country since the day after they had started this arrangement. Looking in the tunnel she squealed “OOOH!! It’s a package and it says “For my Lil’ Daisy Love – Mr. Evans” Can I OPEN it??” “Please do!” So Daisy ripped off the paper, chatter and giggling about how pretty it was and how much she loved presents and then she went silent. 15, 30, 45 seconds passed in complete silence. “Are you still there sweetie? Daisy??” Daisy started to sob, gut wrenching couldn’t stop if she even tried sobs, “Damn it!” Mr. Evans swore quietly, “I told Josh that Meredith should be there when you opened it, but he thought it was better if we were alone.” “No no it’s ok…. I’m ok” “Can you please tell me what’s going through your head sweetie?? “ “It’s a…a….snoopy dog, with a wind up music box inside… it’s just like the one I had…before.” “Aaand….” “It just reminded me… reminded me of everything. Everything I have worked SO SO hard to forget.” “Maybe you don’t need to forget, maybe it’s time to embrace it instead of running from” Mr. Evans said very gently. “Why don’t you go back inside, snuggle up in your bed with Snoopy, and tell me the whole story…” Meredith had given him a few bits and pieces, but even she wasn’t sure of the details, but he really felt like it was time, that they weren’t going to be able to move forward until Daisy faced her past and opened up to him completely. “Ok Sir, I can do that. I can do that….” Daisy picked up her snoopy and the trash from packaging, climbed back upstairs, crawled into her bed, and began her story…

“I had a pretty normal childhood, I had a little sister named Rose who was 4 years younger, my parents were both art teachers, so not rich, but we were really REALLY happy!! Like I can’t recall my parents yelling at me or at each other, I wasn’t abused or anything like that, I mean they spanked, but it was pretty basic stuff. You don’t hit your sister, you don’t kick the dog, *laugh*  one time I got mad at my dad for something and took scissors to his favorite tie… but I never felt like they were EVER so angry with me that they didn’t love me or want me you know?? I don’t think I had any idea how good I had it. *monotone* Well, when I was 10 I was at school and a woman came into my classroom just after lunch and told me they were all dead. I guess they had been driving Rosie to the doctor, which is why she wasn’t in school. Just. Dead. They wouldn’t tell me HOW or WHY just…dead. I eventually learned that a guy driving a semi for a logging company had been drinking and just blew down a hill, through a stop sign, and through my family. *normal tones again* So… social services came and packed up my house, they didn’t let me take most of it, but I WAS able to grab Snoopy. He was the first stuffed animal I ever get when I was born, and I would wind him up and sleep with him every single night since birth. Well, I mean, I guess my mom or dad did it when I was really little. So… I was carted off to foster care with just…Snoopy. I ended up in a home with Meredith, there were a lot of us there, I don’t really remember a lot about it except that it smelled bad and I was ALWAYS cold and ALWAYS hungry. I feel like it wasn’t more than 6 months before Meredith and I were both moved into with a couple *sourly* The Damons, we called them the Demons. Mere and I lived there basically until we aged out of the system. Well, I aged out and she left at 16. They were very cruel. Anytime we cried they would scream at us to grow up, to stop being such babies, that crying wasn’t going to bring our families back or improve our lives. If you cried you missed a meal, if you did something “childish” you had to kneel on rice, if you “talked like a baby” they would just yell at you and make you say the “real way” over and over and over… I was pretty stubborn when I moved in and one day Mrs. Damon decided that I needed a lesson and took a knife and shred into my Snoopy. *choking up* Like…just stabbed him over and over and over *starts crying* She took the music box out and threw it at me, she took the individual pieces and b-b-b-buuuurned them… *sobbing* So over the next 7 years I just learned to close off, to be cold and rigid, to just get through. B-b-by the time I moved out at 18 I don’t think I had any joy or zeal for life left. I was suicidal and really didn’t see much hope, but Meredith REALLY helped me. She got us both into counseling, she helped me get into college, she was really there for me…. So that’s why the snoopy dog affected me so much. I love him *yawns* daddy…

Perspective change for a moment –

Levi sat on his hotel bed listening to Daisy share her story, he balled his fists and shook his head, but he didn’t interject and just listened. As she finished and he could tell she had drifted off to sleep he quietly said into his phone “Lil’ Daisy? Are you asleep my sweet girl? We are gonna fix all of that baby girl…we’re gonna fix it all.” When she had mumbled out “Daddy” his heart soared. He hadn’t pushed it or required it because he really wanted this to flow naturally. He really wanted her to feel safe and be able to slip into that vulnerable state with him, and he didn’t believe it was going to work to rush anything. But he was falling madly in love with this girl, not just the little he was trying to allow her to express, but every part of her. His heart hurt that he couldn’t be there with her physically, this blasted job was a serious one and it would be months before he could be back. But, he decided to up the anti a bit, he was going to set her up with a webcam, so they could at least SEE each other. Levi glanced at the clock 7:15, that meant it was 9:15 where Daisy was, late, but not too terribly. He picked up the phone, “Hey, Josh?? Hey brother, yeah… she got it. And it worked, but I was scared there for a minute I was gonna need some back up. She started to go into full blow panic mode, but she pulled herself out. She is a warrior josh, a freakin’ warrior, and Josh someday I want to personally thank you little one. She has been a lifesaver for my Daisy. *laughs* Well, if she is all tied up right now I understand, but *someday*. Hey, ok, here’s what I need. I need you to pass me on any and all information on these Damon people, ok?? I want to BURY them!!....no, not literally I am not going off all half cocked on this one. But everything LEGAL I am going to make sure happens, got it?? Thanks bro!” Levi went online and ordered a bunch of things and had them sent to Daisy’s house and to his hotel room. He smiled. This was gonna be fun.

Over the next several weeks Daisy and Daddy had a LOT of fun!! Josh set up the webcam on Daisy’s computer the very next day, so now her nightly routine with Daddy included sitting at the computer where they could actually interact face to face. This meant that not only could they read each others’ joy, sadness, disappointment, and adoration, but it ALSO meant that now Daisy couldn’t get much past Daddy. It wasn’t like she had *lied* before, but she would fudge things. Like telling Daddy she was wearing her nighty, and not mention that she had on jeans under it. Telling Daddy she was feeling fine, when she had a fever or cramps or had hit her head into a cabinet door that morning. One of the other things that came of this was that Daddy started calling earlier, so they could eat dinner “together”. And, he was APPALLED when he saw the things she would eat most nights. Not that it was Unhealthy, but more how restrictive she was much of the time. She would eat a salad that was mostly greens and not much else. She would have “spaghetti”, but barely half a cup. He tried to be fair and understanding, but he was confused. She was a gorgeous woman, and obviously not overweight, but also definitely NOT malnourished. He wasn’t sure how she was living on so little.

One night he ordered pizza for her, and when she came on screen she had taken one of the slices and sliced it in half. “Daisy Grace!” He said firmly, Daisy jumped, “What did I do, sir??” Daddy gentled his tone, she was right she hadn’t actually done anything against the rules. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to startle you. Let’s try this again”, calmer softer, “Daisy Grace?” Daisy blinked a little, nervously, “Yes sir?” “Where is the rest of your dinner?” Daisy looked at her pizza and back at the screen with a bit of confusion, “This IS my dinner sir, this is what you ordered for me.” “What I mean is, where is the *rest* of your dinner?? I am fairly certain the pizza place sent several slices, that is generally what is in a medium pizza. And, I order from Tony’s all the time, their slices are significantly larger than that.” Daisy bit her lip nervously, starting to understand his questions. “I…I had a big lunch and I didn’t want to offend you, by not eating, so I just took off a little and…” Daddy looked at her sternly across the screen “What *exactly* did you have for lunch, little girl?” “”big lunch”” was Daisy’s default answer when he would ask about portion sizes. Daisy faltered a bit, “Ummm… Iiiii….went out to the Olive Garden with some of my co-workers. You know that place they are overflowing with pastas and soups and salads, it’s super easy to fill right up there.” “I Did Not Ask, What They Serve, Young Lady. I asked, what did **you** have for lunch? Unless you would like some time alone in the corner before we continue this conversation I’d suggest that you tell me the truth clearly, and Right Now.” Daisy’s stomach was doing flip flops and she could barely hold still as she squirmed back and forth on her seat. Taking a deep breath she said very quietly “I ordered a salad” “What type?” “Garden” “What size?” “Side Salad…sir” “Any meat or cheese or nuts or dressing?” Daisy shook her head miserably. “Did you have any bread? Any pasta? ANYthing with your pile of lettuce?” Daisy could feel tears welling up in her eyes, and could barely squeak out “no sir.” Daddy just stared at her for a moment, Daisy could feel his disappointment rolling over her in waves. She wanted to start this conversation over, she wanted to just pour out the truth, she wanted to go back 5 minutes when Daddy wasn’t so upset with her. Daddy spoke slowly and gently, but there was definitely a sternness to his tone that was not usually there. “So you lied to me. When I asked about your slice of pizza you blatantly lied to me. You said you had a “big lunch”, when in reality you had significantly less than a “normal lunch”. I assume that if you had eaten something else after the salad and before dinner you’d have mentioned that already, so I am not even going to ask. Daisy Grace, Daddy is VERY disappointed in you.” The tears that had been welling up in Daisy’s eyes started to roll down her face, her shoulders started to shake a little as the weight of his displeasure rested on her. “I-I-I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t MEAN to l---“ Daddy cut her off curtly, “You didn’t mean to WHAT, Daisy Grace? You didn’t mean to open your mouth and speak falsehoods? You didn’t mean to try to trick me? You didn’t mean to look me right in the eyes and tell me things that are NOT true?” By this point Daisy was sobbing, all of those things were true, and they weren’t even all of it. She looked pleadingly into the camera lens and sobbed out “I’m soooo sorry, but there’s more Daddy… every night after you put me to bed… I come back out here and eat until I’m not hungry anymore. I don’t want you to think that I am fat or gross or ugly, so I have been trying SO hard to only eat normal amounts around you, so you won’t see what a grotesque fatty that I am. So you won’t know how much I love food. I know that I **am** fat and gross and ugly, but I didn’t want YOU to know.” Daddy didn’t stop her even though every fiber of his being wanted to scream at her to STOP the words that were falling out, but he felt like she needed to get this out, so he let her continue. When she had finished he waited as she sobbed for a moment and then he said tenderly, “First off baby girl, I would NEVER EVER think you were fat or gross or ugly because You Are NOT! You are beautiful and precious and adorable.” his tone steeled “And YOU Will not not say those things about yourself anymore, EVER, do you understand me?? Those are mean hateful words and if you ever heard someone using them about someone you loved I know you would be on the attack. So, there is no way in hell I’m going to allow you to use them about yourself. Do I make myself clear?” “yes sir.” “Alright, secondly, there will be no more of this “I’m only going to eat a bite because if I eat a normal amount I might actually look like I enjoy food.” I WANT you to enjoy food, food is a gift, it’s amazing, it’s precious, and it is to be enjoyed!! There is nothing shameful or gross about enjoying your food. And I video chat with you over dinner, so that we can enjoy it TOGETHER. Third, and let me be VERY Clear on this one Daisy Grace, you are going to start eating Normal, Healthy, acceptably portioned meals. I understand that it makes you nervous and self-conscious to eat in public, and I understand that apart from me we’re going to have to work on you eating in front of others slowly, but if we EVER reach dinnertime again and all you’ve eaten in the last 10 hours is a “small salad” there will be big BIG trouble, Do You Understand?” “Yes Daddy” Daisy had stopped crying and was mostly just sitting there pitifully, red-eyed as Daddy lectured.  “Alright, NOW we will deal with the lying. You told some pretty big bold faced lies to me today Little Girl, and it sounds like you have been lying and deceiving about food to Daddy for quite awhile, isn’t that true?” Daisy nodded pitifully. “Alright, here is what I want you to do. Please go get the bar of soap, you know that one well little girl, a damp washcloth, a pad of paper, and a pen and come right back.” Daisy was a little confused about this request, but she did as Daddy asked and quickly returned with this things. “Tonight is going to be a little bit different, so I need you to listen carefully. I want you to suds up the bar of soap very well, and then instead of wiping your mouth with the washcloth I want you to put the entire bar in your mouth and hold it there with your lips and teeth.” Daisy’s eyes widened. He had never asked her to put the entire BAR in her mouth before, but she obeyed quickly. “Good girl. Now I want you to keep it there while you take your pen and paper and write “I will never lie to Daddy again” 100 times.” Daisy started to gag and protest, but Daddy spoke sharply “If you drop that soap or take it out of your mouth the numbers will only double. Every. Single. Time. Do You Understand?” Daisy nodded miserably, and started writing. It felt like it took forever, and tears kept dripping off of her nose and chin onto the paper, but she got out her hundred lines and held up the paper to the camera. Daddy smiled and said “Good girl, Miss Daisy. You make go take the bar out and rinse at the sink, and then come back.” Daisy practically ran to the sink and Daddy laughed as he could hear her spitting and gagging and rinsing over and over. When Daisy came back to the computer Daddy asked her seriously “How do you feel now?” Daisy smiled a little “Like I will never EVER lie to my Daddy again.” Daddy laughed, “Good girl. Alright now sit down and eat your pizza please.” Daisy made a face “But, Daddy mouth tastes like. “ Daddy cut her off “Did I ask you what your mouth tastes like? Or what you WANTED LittleGirl? Or did I ask you to obey?” Daisy bit her lip, “Obey, sir.” “That’s right. Eat your pizza please. Before we end this call tonight I fully expect you to have eaten your little slice, the rest of the piece you cut it from, and another full slice, understand?” Daisy nodded grimly, “Yes sir.” As they finished eating Daddy told Daisy that starting tomorrow she was going to keep a journal of everything she ate, and if it wasn’t acceptable he was going to start mandating how many calories, grams of fat, grams of protein, and what exactly she needed to be ingesting. Daisy knew that she should be grumpy, she should be furious about this dominant controlling man, but in reality she had never felt so loved and cherished in her life.

Daisy woke up and felt like she could barely breathe, it wasn’t the panic attacks of old, this was new, an excitement, a pleasure, a thrill. TODAY She was going to finally see Daddy face to face in the flesh. He was FINALLY back! She wasn’t sure why he had asked her to take the 45 minute train ride to where he lived instead of coming to pick her up, but she trusted him. She figured there must be a good reason, her Daddy wouldn’t ask her to do something without one. She reread his emailed instructions over and over. She had done her hair and clothes, she was not wearing any make up, she had packed her backpack, she had her train ticket and her snoopy. She felt ready. She walked over to the mirror to admire herself and say the affirmations Daddy had asked of her, but as she opened her mouth to speak she started to really look at herself. To notice her wrinkles, that layer of fat around her middle, the zit on her chin (WHY!! Why at 30 years old was she still getting zits?? Zits and wrinkles was NOT a pleasant combination), she tugged at her dress and pulled at her hair. “Fuckin’ Cow” she mumbled in the mirror, “Why would ANYONE want something like YOU?? You can’t even dress right, a good man sends you clothes to wear and instead of looking right in them you’re just a fucking mess. You shouldn’t even go you know. He’s going to be so disappointed when he see who you REALLY are. You won’t last an hour before you do something totally messed up and he kicks you to the curb. What a loser, what a fucking fucking loser.” She knew that if Daddy could hear her she’d be in major trouble, but at this moment she couldn’t care. She couldn’t pull herself out of it. All she could think was all of the things that might go wrong. All of the things she could mess up. All of the ways she could fail. She started gasping for air, she could feel her heart racing in her chest, she wanted to get a grip, she wanted to calm down, but it was  getting harder and harder to get control. At that exact moment she heard the front door swing up as Meredith yelled out “Hey Honey!! We’re here!! I’m so excited that you’re…” Meredith stopped as she walked down the hall and saw Daisy leaning into the wall clutching her chest. Meredith put on a voice that no one except Daisy ever heard, Josh who was coming up behind her stopped in amazement at his Little One. If it weren’t for Daisy losing it he might have laughed. Meredith belted out “Daisy Grace!! You get a Grip right this instant!! You are SAFE! You are SECURE! There is NOTHING out to get you, there is nothing that can hurt you, there is nothing BAD here. You are BEAUTIFUL! You are PRECIOUS! You are AMAZING!” Meredith started running her hands up and down Daisy’s arms and motioned to Josh to help her guide Daisy to the living room couch. Once they sat her down Meredith knelt between Daisy’s legs and gently placed her hands on either side of Daisy’s face “Daisy girl… look at me. I need you to tell me what happened. I need you to verbalize it. I need you to let it out. Can you do that for me please?” Daisy nodded and as she started to speak she started to sob. “I was getting ready and I was all excited and then I looked in the mirror and I saw what a fucking Los-“ Meredith covered up Daisy’s mouth “Don’t say it. Don’t you DARE say things like that about my best friend!! Start over.” “Umm, ok… I was getting ready, I looked in the mirror, I…I didn’t like what I saw. “ Daisy lowers her voice ashamed “I started telling myself all the reasons Daddy couldn’t love me or accept me, and the next thing I knew I could barely breathe.” Meredith nodded and said not meanly, but without much compassion, “And that’s what spiraled you out of control. Woman, you have GOT to stop this mean talk about yourself. You have GOT to stop putting yourself down. I am personally going to text Levi after you get on that train and tell him to paddle you until you can’t sit down…*little grin* EVER! I love you Daisy Grace, you are my favorite girl, and I can’t stand it when you allow those lies to permeate your thoughts. To take control. THEY do not have control over you ,do you hear me?? The lies DO NOT get to control my bestest buddy!!” Meredith enveloped Daisy in a deep hug and Daisy wrapped her arms around her. “I’m sorry Mere. I didn’t mean to I just….” “I know sweetie you just lost control there for a minute.” Meredith wiped the tears from Daisy’s face, “Are you ok now?” Daisy nodded, “I Kinda need to blow my nose and pee though.” Meredith laughed, “Good plan!! We need to leave in about 5 to get you to the train on time, is that enough?” “Yup!!” Daisy quickly walked past Josh embarrassed that he had seen her meltdown. After she left the room Josh grabbed Meredith in a tight hug and then looked at her with a smile “Who knew my Little One could be some a Domme?? Where did that COME from?” Meredith laughed “Well, sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!” She sobered a little “We realized pretty early on that Daisy needs someone strong to help her when she gets like this. It doesn’t happen very often these days. Especially since she started her relationship with Levi, I don’t think I’ve seen her have a breakdown like this in MONTHS! But when we first moved out of the Damons it was all the time. I would go to work and come home and she would be covered in blood from cutting and just numb. Just sitting there rocking back and forth. Somehow I found something deep inside one day and just started firmly telling her EXACTLY what she was and was not going to do. And it seemed to help. It calmed her. It focused her. We’ve never had anything past a strong sister relationship, but… *blushing* I guess she just kinda needed a bossy sister sometimes.” Josh pulled her close to himself and said “I am sure proud of you Little One… super super proud of you.” She gave him a cheeky grin “Does this mean that you wanna switch it up a little sometimes?” He smacked her butt hard with a resounding “CRACK” and said “Not on your life, Little one.” She giggled and snuggled into Josh as they waited for Daisy to be ready.

*Present Day*

Daisy just leaned into Daddy and let him hold her. She felt like this was the exact moment she had waited for for the last several months, really she felt like this was moment she had waited for the last 20 YEARS. Just that feeling of being completely and totally safe. Of knowing that she was loved and cherished. Of knowing that no matter what she said or did in this second that he wasn’t letting her go. And that felt amazing. And it felt freeing. She looked up into Daddy’s eyes “Hi….” He smiled “Hey Daisy girl. Are you ready to go? Are you fine to walk?” She grinned, grabbed his hand, and said “Yes Sir!”  She followed him to his truck practically skipping. Once they got to the car he opened the door and helped her in, when she went for her seat belt and smiled “uh uh uh, you’re much to little to handle that on your own.” She pouted, “BUT…. Even my most inner inner child is 10 and 10 year olds.” He put a finger over her lips “Shhh… Did I ask you if you were capable or how old you felt or what you wanted or did I ask you to” “Obey” they both said at the same time. He patted her thigh, “Good girl” and he clicked her seat belt into place and dropped her backpack in the back seat. As he drove they chatted about her train ride and the things and people that she had seen. They talked about what to get for lunch, and Daddy ended up pulling into a McDonald’s parking lot and saying they were going to get lunch here. Daisy started to panic, pulling at her dress and hair, picking at her face, holding in her stomach. Daddy put a hand on her face and gently turned her towards him. “Little Girl, I can tell you’re really overwhelmed right now, so we are going to go through the drive through and take the food back to my house, but I want you to know that I am SO proud to be seen with you. I love you, little girl, and I would be happy for ANYONE to see you on my arm, holding my hand, being Daddy’s good little girl, got it?” Daisy glowed in his affirmations “Yes sir” she beamed. He got her a chicken nuggets happy meal with apples instead of fries, some unsweet tea, and a hot fudge sundae. Daisy ate the sundae first. In the last couple of months she had lost her inhibitions eating in front of Daddy and it felt amazing to just be able to openly enjoy her lunch. As they pulled up to his house she saw that it was REALLY big. It had a large wrap around porch, lots of trees,  and was very clean and fresh looking. Daddy smiled at her awestruck face, “I just finished building it last year and have slowly been adding furniture and really making it my own.” Daisy waited while Daddy walked around the car and unbuckled her, she felt silly how giddy that made her feel, but she couldn’t deny it set a fire in her belly how well he took her care of her. As they walked into the house hand in hand Daddy stopped right before they got to the front door, “Little Girl, I wanted to give you a couple of rules and expectations before we go inside ok?” Her eyes widened “Yes Sir” “Alright, first, I don’t want you to wander off by yourself, at least for today. I want us to stay together and spend all day together. If you need to use the bathroom or get tired, let me know and of course I’ll let you go, but if something gets scary or sad or hard you need to *tell me* ok?” “Yes sir!” “Second, I know that you’re a capable woman for TODAY I don’t want you to do anything other than your personal toiletry items for yourself, if you’re hungry ask me and I’ll get you food – you can physically feed yourself, but I want to make it for you. If you want to get something – ask me and I’ll get it for you. I want to pamper and baby you all day, ok?” Her eyes squinted a little at the word “baby you”, they’d HAD THAT conversation and neither of them were interested in “baby stuff” He tapped her squinched up nose, “you know that isn’t what I meant little girl.” She grinned, she DID know that wasn’t what he meant, but she liked teasing him. “Alright, last thing I want to say before we go inside” his voice got a lot sterner “I talked to Meredith after she dropped you off at the train station and we’re going to have a VERY long talk about your morning, and you’re going to experience your first grown up little girl spanking, and it’s not going to be fun. But Daisy, I need you to trust me. I need you to know that I would never actually HURT you. And that I love you DEEPLY. Ok?” Daisy gulped a little, but she had know that was coming and she was prepared for it. She hoped. “Yes Sir, I trust you with all my heart.” He hugged her and they walked through the door.

Once inside he showed her the room he had set up for her. It was ADORABLE!! There were stuffed animals of every different type lining the walls and covering the bed. There was big bright gerbera daisies stickers on the walls, the walls were painted contrasting colors, so the flower really popped. There was a closet filled with clothes all in her size. The bed was a queen size and covered in fun “groovy” quilt and sheets and pillows. Daisy jumped up and down and squeezed Daddy! “OH DADDY I LOVE IT!!!” She jumped onto the bed and practically swam in the stuffed animals. “You’re the BESTEST DADDY IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!” Daddy laughed his belly laugh and went and flopped on the bed next to her pulling her into his arms with her back to his chest. “You’re VERY welcome little girl!! I was so excited to show it you I could barely sleep last night.” They laid like this just enjoying being able to ACTUALLY snuggle after months of words and pictures and videos.

Eventually Daddy sat up and turned Daisy to facing him. “We need to talk now Little Girl, Daddy is VERY displeased to hear the things you were saying about his little girl this morning, but I want to hear them all from you. But not in here. I want your room to be a place of fun and laugher and excitement. So, let’s go down to my office and have a chat ok?” He held out his hand. Daisy started shaking a little and curled up into a tight ball. Daddy started rubbing her back and saying “You know I love you, right? And I would never do or say anything I thought wasn’t going to benefit you in the long run?? Do you trust me little Daisy?” Daisy thought about it and realized she really really did. She put her hand in his hand and let him lead her down to his office.

They entered Daddy’s office and Daddy pulled his big office chair of from behind his desk it was was extra wide, so there was room for him to sit comfortably with Daisy on his knee. “Alright Little Girl, please tell Daddy EXACTLY what happened this morning from the moment you woke up.” And she did. She repeated every vile word she had said to herself, she didn’t cry or try to minimize it, she just told him the truth and looked utterly ashamed. He winced and clenched his hands a bit at some of it, but didn’t interrupt. When she had finished he grabbed her hands and looked into her eyes firmly saying “I know I don’t need to tell you how VERY mean and nasty those words are. You were not only speaking about MY little girl, but you were using words that shouldn’t come out of your mouth EVER. We will deal with replacing those words with kinder more TRUTHFUL words later, but for right now I am going to spank you. I am going to spank you for being mean to yourself, I am going to spank you for using bad words, I am going to spank you for disobeying my instructions, and I am going to spank you because I can. I am your Daddy and you are my little girl, and this is one of the things that we have been SORELY lacking. I am going to use my hand, and I am going to use this paddle.” He reached into his desk and pulled out a solid wooden paddle. (http://img1.etsystatic.com/019/0/7455113/il_340x270.474182133_plt7.jpg) it didn’t LOOK very scary, but Daisy could feel her stomach in her throat. “Are you feeling panicky little girl??” “No Sir!! Nervous because I know it’s going to hurt, relieved because I know I deserve it and I just want my first spanking over with, but not panicked.” He smiled at her honesty, and grinned at little at her use of “first spanking” she wasn’t even trying to delude herself that this would be her ONLY spanking. “Alright Daisy Grace, please slide your underwear off and lay over my knees.” Daisy moved quickly for how nervous she was and laid with her hands pressed to the floor and the balls of her feet digging into the carpet on the other side. “Daisy Grace, I am going to start with my hand. This is for disobeying Daddy this morning and not doing the affirmations I sent you.” There was no prelude or warm up, he just started into stinging hard “SMACKS” with his hand starting on the left outside edge of her butt, alternating right edge and working his way in.

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

When Daddy gives you instructions you need to obey, right away…

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

Completely

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

And with a good attitude

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

I expect that next time Daddy gives you an order you’ll do it right won’t you?

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

What do you say?

SMACK SMACK

“YES SIR!!!!! Daisy was amazed at HOW much his hand hurt, she started kicking and squirming within the first 6 smacks and by the end she felt like her bottom was on fire. “Can we please be done, Daddy? PLEASE?? I’ll be SOOO GOOD!! I’ll ALWAYS OBEY!!”

Daddy smiled and rubbed her back a little, “No, little girl we’ve got quite a ways to go, now I am going to paddle you for the mean words you said to my little, Daisy,” Knowing that her bottom was probably burning from the hard hand spanking, especially since she hadn’t been spanked in over 20 years he was lighter with the paddle than he would normally be, but it still cracked down like the wrath of God upon her.

Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!

“You may NEVER use those type of mean words for ANYONE!”

Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!

“But ESPECIALLY my little Daisy!!”

Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!

“They were mean and hateful and nasty and destructive” He started going faster in shorter stinging motions all over her very red bottom and down onto her thighs

CrackCrackCrackCrackCrackCrackCrackCrackCrackCrack!!!

Do – CRACK

You – CRACK

Understand? CRACK CRACK!

Daisy started to cry and kick and struggle, this hurt worse than anything she had imagined in her reading or interactions online. It REALLY hurt!! “PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! I’ll never say a mean word again!! I’ll never cuss!! I’ll never be meeeean to meee aaaagaaaaaaaaaaaain” She started to sob in earnest and flopped the fight just gone.

Daddy rubbed her back gently and put the paddle on top of the desk. “Shh shhh it’s ok little girl, you did VERY well, Daddy is VERY proud of you. It’s all done. No more spanking for now. Only snuggles and cuddles. Shhh shhhh shhhh it’s ok it’s ok” Once Daisy had calmed down a bit Daddy helped her get up and sit on his lap. He grinned a littled as she hissed. “Sadist” she muttered. He pinched her butt and she yelped “SORRY!”  “Now Daisy, we’re going to snuggle for a bit and make sure that you know how very loved and accepted you are, and then you’re going to stand, or sit if you like, but I assume you want to stand, and write a list of 100 things you like about yourself or others like about. Good things. TRUE things. Life giving things.” “100?? I can’t do 100!!” He smiled “Yes you can little girl, I have faith in you. And if you need help I will give you some things **I** love about my little girl, ok?” “Yes sir.

After a bit Daisy said she was ready to start working on her list. It took her about 3 hours with potty breaks and a snack break, but she and Daddy came up with 100 things. That night as she snuggled down to sleep in her big bed and Daddy sat rubbing her back as she dozed off on her belly she mumbled “I wanna be your little girl forever and ever Daddy.”