This whole DD thing is usually a mix of real and fun for me. I'm never quite sure where the lines are going to cross, but they met in a big way this morning.
When I chose to text and drive yesterday, part of it,.one of the times, was emailing a friend who is aware of the whole journey, she is a spanko herself, and tellimg her I was emailing her while driving, baiting her to see if she would "tell on me"...I for sure was not thinking of it as manipulating her when I did it, but really it comes down to...I was. I was testing her, seeing how she would respond. And that is not nice or fair or right. And My Man grounded me and is gonna spank and lecture (again he already did last night), but ultimately what is killing me inside is that I sinned against my friend. I hurt her. I hurt our friendship and no amount of punishment or I'm sorry is going to erase that or take it back. And that is where the "cleansing"" of DD hasn't always helped me. There is no "cleansing" for this... the hard truth is that in real life when you hurt someone that's it. You can't erase that.
And I hate that. I hate that I hurt her. I hate that I made that choice.
I've only just read a little of your blog, and as far as I know you are a christian, so don't focus so much on D/s and forget that you have forgiveness through Jesus, so ask her to forgive you and confess to God.
ReplyDeleteThis may be going too far, but I would definitely advise not to involve others in your relationship like that though.
You're right! :) I k ew that ultimately God had forgiven me,butit still hurt so much thatI had hurt my friend.we are all good jow :-)
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