I am a very confused little wifey this morning.
Last night My Man and I had this huge fight in the middle of the mall. About sex as almost all of our epicest fights are. There were a lot of angry words said on both sides, each of us got up from dinner once to go to the bathroom to cool down, tensions and emotions were incredibly high. Word from experience - mixing hormones and lack of food is an incredibly bad idea.
We ended up talking it through and finishing dinner on a good note. We came home and snuggled in bed naked talking about theology. I offered to have sex with him, so we could feel "ALL made up", and I was trying y'all. But everything inside me was twisty turny and the reason for our fight in the first place (My lack of desire) (ok we didnt actually fight about my lack of desire, but more how I was communicating it) was rearing it's ugly head. I started freaking out because my emotions were so high and started crying a little. He kept asking me what was wrong. I kept lying and saying nothing.
And then something happened, he got "that voice", the one that says "Young Lady that isn't okay and you know it", and my belly got butterflies, Hey what?? This isn't supposed to happen anymore. And to make it "worse" when I was "struggling to get away", part of me really wanted him to hold me close and accountable. And then he said those words "If you don't stop I am going to spank you"...and I didn't stop. And we both kinda looked at each other for a minute. He asked "Do you want it...." I barely nodded. So he flipped me over spanked my butt. Not overly hard he was good to me. ;-) And IT HELPED. It released a lot of the tension I had been feeling, it made me feel better, it made me feel connected to him.
WHAT THE FREAKIN HECK??? *laugh* I thought I didn't like this anymore. I thought I closed the doors on this because it hasn't felt good or helped in months. I thought we were going to be a "normal couple" because it makes me angry and sad and annoyed instead of turning me on. And that was the thing last night, I probably WAS turned on a bit, but more than that I just felt...better. I felt like some of those awful feelings I couldn't get out just melted away. Or were slapped outta my ass. ;-)
He kept chuckling at me throughout the rest of the night because I was SO confused. I kept mumbling at various times "But I don't LIKE it..." He said I was adorable because I was so confused. ;-)