Dear "My Man",
I love you.
I am sorry that I have been so wretched the last few days. Er, week. Or...however long it's been. :)
I do love you bunches, and I Really really DO want to be good. I'm just not very good at it or conditioned for it or...well, it's not very fun to be good. It's boring. Even though I love to take care of you and do things for you and make you happy. I am so selfish that I feel like I HAVE to be naughty and get your negative attention or I'll DIE!
I still have nefarious plans about my dieting, but they are more a test of myself than a test of you. :-p :-) How about we employ the rule of "Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies"? :-D It makes me feel big and strong to eat little. It makes me feel like I could actually be one of those beautiful porn star type people. Even though I know I'll always be your "well endowed" Young Lady, for those few moments or hours it makes me feel important and impressive.
As for the "subbie business" I will try harder. Fondles can continue training me in the jedi arts of being subbie and lifting up my man. ;-) And I'll get there. I just need to know that you actually need and want that. I feel stupid kneeling at your feet or laying my head in your lap. It makes me feel silly to look at you doe-eyed when we're in private. I don't want to give up control in the bedroom because I don't like so much that happens in there. I want to be able to be in control so that I can say "There, not there. Yes No Stop Don't"... but I think you are right that as long as I am calling all of the shots we aren't moving forward. I am scared to go anywhere new. And I do trust you in a vague sense. I don't trust you in a specific sense because you've burned me so often in the past. (not literally we are not into that :)) I want to trust you in a more real way. So, maybe if you hold yourself way way way back and are pushing very lightly and loosely at my limits I'll be able to let go more fully. And....itmightbeagoodideatocuffmebecauseidontthinkIamcapableofjustlettingyoumolestme. *blush* And if I have a little panic attack, I have a little panic attack. We can work through it. Doing what you do and backing up 3 steps and giving me a second to breathe is PERFECT, but I think in that case (when you're not causing me pain), it's ok to come back and keep going while assuring me I am okay. :)
I love you, Hubby. I really really really do!! And, I want to be the most excellent Proverbs 31, subbie, wife you've ever met.
Love,
Your Unsubmissive, but VERY cute, Young Lady
Oh boy, oh boy. You are a cut handful, Young Lady.
ReplyDeleteMaybe, you buy him the handcuffs? Otherwise he'll have trouble believing what you wrote there.
DearBas, thank you for acknowledging my cuteness. Adorable incorrigible and downright cute are acceptable as well. ;-) and we already own cuffs, but you're right maybe I should initiate it so I don't back out. I already posted this and then had a big fight with My Man and told him u take it all back.
DeleteI take it all back not u. iPhone won't let me edit
ReplyDeleteMake love, not war? "Taking it all back" shouldn't even be on your radar - that's hurtful. Being hurtful shouldn't be the last thing on your list - it shouldn't be anywhere NEAR your list. I get it that people don't always get along - but there are better ways to disagree than to devolve into hurtful words.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, he can't force you not to be hurtful - that has to come from your love for him and a genuine desire for you both to be happy.
When you talk or argue, ask yourself "Does what I'm about to say add to the happiness in the world, or is it one of the more important things I have to say?" If the answer to both is no, then just don't.
Is it possible that you guys could transmute the "negative attention" into positive attention? Just go ahead and have the spankings whether you "misbehave" or not? In my view, spankings as punishments for people who thrive on spankings are a bad, bad idea.
Being good is SO not boring. Being good gets me all kinds of delicious attention. :) It just has to be that the attention is the reward for being good rather than the consequence for not doing so.
Good luck, guys.
Hi Conina! Thanks for the long thoughtful reply.
Delete1. I didn't mean I take back the letter I meant I take bak the part about letting him tie me up. :-p but he said I can't take it back and he was gonna do it before I offered.
2. I hate getting spanked wen I don't deserve it. I mean rarely I can handle am erotic spanking, but in general it's only fun for me as a punishment. If he just soanks for me fun or maintenance it pisses me off.
3. And we are working on our communication, I'm very stubborn AND I don't know what I want it if this so it makes for a really bad combo. :-(
I realized another thing that might help people, its not getting spanked that turns me on its being punished. I mean there is a part to being spanked that monitor punishment can fulfill, but its the act of him taking charge and chastising his errant bride that gets my heart pumoing
DeletePumping, I'm not a pain slut, the physical pain doesn't really turn me on, it's the fact that I'm being punished. I guess you could say I'm a punishment slut lol
DeleteI used to be like you. :) I didn't like it unless there was a "reason" for it. So, we made up ridiculous, impossible rules.... ones that I would break without even thinking about it. What I really like, now...? Is being "punished" for things that I have had absolutely no control over. "Christmas is coming and I haven't prepared, here, let me spank you for it!"
Delete"It's raining on our vacation, here, let me spank you!"
Whatever it takes. :)