If anyone has been reading my blog for any length of time you'd probably guess pretty quickly what I got spanked for tonight.
I cannot for the life of me figure out my compulsion to spend random money.
I guess I better back up....
So, like I said in my last post this week has been pretty intense as far as not a lot of sleep and stuff. So, today was like the worst. or the second worst. It's just between not having a GPS (it got stolen) and rush hour traffic and just...being exhausted. I keep getting lost and just having a rough time of it.
So, I was already overflowing with pent up emotions. And needing release. But, it was semi-managable. He fed me. I was feeling a bit better.
And then we got home and it just hit in the GUT... I was going to tell him about this letter I received today from this girl "we" gave $25 to in order to help her get to college. (she is the youngest of 11 children and has parents who are not big fans of college and yeah...)How she was so grateful and happy, and as I was going to tell him all of the sudden I just STOPPED. And I realized over the last week I'd sent her $25 and spent $25 on this stupid "mystery box deal" where they send you a box with $100 worth of stuff in it for $15 bucks, and I had a coupon, so I got some off and bought two. (looking back NO idea what the hell was going through my mind) So... basically I'd spent $50 that I not only had not asked him about, but I also hadn't TOLD him because I figured "it will be okay." SAME SCENARIO AS ALWAYS. Only for whatever reason, I felt REALLY REALLY REALLY guilty. And I couldn't get the words out.
He cornered me and basically drew it out of me word by word. He didn't get mad. He didn't yell. He wasn't like "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" he just said "You shouldn't have done that. I am dissapointed we are dealing with this again." and went to get ready for bed. He didn't withdraw, he let me know I could come back and hang out with him. He was super... nice? But I was just wracked with guilt. And he could see it. So he asked me if I thought I should be punished. Well, I wasn't sure what to say. There were so many things going through my mind. Main 2 were - 1. I don't WANT to be spanked, like it's not going to turn me on at this moment. 2. I feel like if he doesn't spank me I am going to combust. I feel so guilty and heavy hearted, but if he DOES spank me in order to relieve my guilt isn't that just rewarding me for being bad? Don't I deserve to just have guilt guy?
Finally, he kept asking and I said "Yes." So, he told me to bend over and he spanked me. It was pretty "normal" for us, but he prefaced it with "this isn't going to be a short one" and I knew I didn't deserve a "little spanking". So, after he was done he leaned over and asked if I felt "properly chastised" I asked him if it was okay to be honest, and he said "Yes, please." So, I told him that I wasn't "Enjoying" it, but that I felt like I deserved about 4x as much as he had delivered. So he did about 3x more. It was perfect. Not perfect like I liked it or it got me off...I actually cried after although not from pain, but just from release of tension and guilt. But, perfect like it was exactly what I needed to feel "chastised".
Then we had sex for the first time in like 2 weeks.
He was so completely loving throughout the entire process. And after we both agreed this was probably one of our most "purely punishment" spankings.
His last words before he left the bedroom to shower were "wow... those welts are REALLY impressive." and I said "You did that to me. No... actually *I* did that to me." ;-)
Remind me not to spend money without talking to him. it's not that hard of a concept!!