Wednesday, June 27, 2012

*Le Sigh*

Yesterday I was super hyped up all day - the best mood I have had in AGES!! This probably highly motivated by the fact that I was reading Kristen Ashley's "Knight" and sat outside in the sunshine for a long time. YAY SUMMER! :-) But, all day I was excited about My Man coming home - I was going to pick him up from work in only a skimpy summer dress (and when I say only I mean... ONLY ) and a black "collar" (We are doing a "collar" experiment, where I wear a different colored ribbon around my neck to depict my "sexual mood", but also to signify that I am his. :)). (Black means "I am yours do with me what you like, but I hope you like to tie me up and give me erotic spankings" :-) )

We had been texting throughout the day. He seemed on board with this.

On my way to pick him up he confesses that he had looked at porn that day... and I crumbled. My previously good mood shot down in an instant. All of the sudden my desire to be dominated and ravished was replaced with sadness, anger, and lethargy. If I am not worth all of his attention and affection than what's the point? Why put out the effort if I know that he can get his needs met virtually...and by someone more agile, flexible, and attractive than I am?

He was so apologetic and repentant, and I tried to be forgiving and not bitter... but the mood was shot. I came home and put on pajama pants and he watched a movie while I finished my book. Not at all what I'd had in mind. We talked about having some fun this morning, but... I am still feeling "undesirous".

Do others have this problem? Or maybe it's not a problem for you - do you care if your guy looks at porn? Does he? And is erotica the same as visual porn?? I just don't know... Me reading books that involve spanking just makes me want him so much more, so as of now he has encouraged this and I have done it. But... him looking at porn doesn't give either of us the same result - he just leaves feeling dirty and I feel abandoned.

Any thoughts?

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