Thursday, August 16, 2012


I told Mrs. Soft Bottom today that I always respond to people who leave comments. APPARENTLY I am delusional because when I just went back to confirm this I saw that I haven't replied to most of the comments people have left - SORRY! I guess I am replying in my head :-p I am sorry to anyone who has been kind enough to leave a comment and I did not reply. I have greatly appreciated each one and I don't know why I didn't actually reply. :-p

I will endeavor to be better in the future.

And My Man said lately my blog has seemed as if I am stating things in such a way that people can either agree with me or not reply. And I am sorry for that as well.

I want to respectful honest discussion - I don't intend to be "Agree with me or hit the road"

I am sorry.

For your reading pleasure here is something I wrote for our pastor recently to try to explain my views on submission criticism and critique is welcome. :)

He had asked us to reccomend some resources on why we view submission the way we do. I think he meant in terms of DD and D/s. (I hopefully changed everytime I use My Man's name to My Man :))

I wrote"

Heh heh, kinda depends on how we look at it Biblically or as a lifestyle. :-) 

I think Biblically like "what does God require of husbands and wives" we pretty much agree with most of the books articles and resources reccomended by "the church" :-) 

As far as some of the more "lifestyle" questions there are definitely resources we have gotten advice and input from, but it's hard because even the Biblically backed resources we don't have any one author/book/article we agree with fully. Although that might be true for men like Piper, Driscoll, Tripp too. We have eclectic beliefs at times and are still figuring out what works for us as individuals, a couple, children of God. :-)

Biblically I believe that my command to submit and My Man's command to love are equal. Like, that The Bible calls for everything I do as My Man's wife to be out of my respect and love for him, that he does have limited authority in my life, and that while overall we make all decisions as a couple he does have a special call to have the final say on decisions for our family. At the same time I believe he is called to do everything he does as my husband out of love and honor to me. He has a unique call to lay down his life for me, when he married me he took that promise/duty to care lead and protect me. I do not believe that husbands answer for their wives sins or that God in any way holds My Man responsible for my autonomous decisions, however I do believe that part of Gods call on husbands to love their wives is to lead them. Not be a dictator or harsh or selfish in any way, but to stand strong on what they believe God calls their family to. And part of protecting and leading is challenging their wives toward Godliness and good choices. *laugh* I am not explaining this very well. Like i DO believe that God holds My Man accountable for how he leads me, not how I submit. :-)

I think My Man has the much harder job in our marriage, husbands have the harder job in general, but specifically in our case because of the extra levels of authority I am granting to My Man and he is taking on.

Because God calls husbands to love their wives like Christ loves the church and because they are to follow His example in laying down their lives AND are called to lead and guide and direct I believe there is a constant temptation and pull towards selfishness. Wives have to submit even if their husband is being selfish, so I can see the really hard times My Man has to make sure anytime he issues a request that he is always checking his heart to see if he wants that out of selfishness or of its a God given desire or something it ultimately help me. 

I am constantly amazed at the grace God has given My Man to be able to navigate the waters between abdication and abuse. He sees my submission as a gift I give to him not a right he has. While I feel like I need to see it as both. It is a gift I gave to him on our wedding day ( and try to continue to give to him) but it is also a command I have from God. I suck at it, I am very strong willed, very independent, and very used to making decisions on my own without considering how they effect anyone else. I am selfish and fly by my emotions, and can be very hard to live with let alone lead. :-p  but I am so grateful that God gave me My Man who is equally patient and tender while at the same time is learning not to let me manipulate him or just take my desires and run with them.

Wow, I wrote a book so sorry! I think I express myself better in writing than I do in person and this is a topic I so want to be clear on."


  1. Ahhh, that feels good. Recognition at last!
    We Hohy men have a very hard job.
    As long as he keeps seeing your submission as a gift you want to give to him, and not as his right, you'll both be happy.

    1. Haha - I am not used to the term HoH, so I read it as misspelled "Holy Men" at first. *laugh* Thank you - we agree, it's a hard balance especially in this crazy world. :)

    2. Holy men.
      Hmmmm, I would not dare to go that far.
      Although, sometimes......

  2. It's interesting that you wrote this to your pastor. Was it aomethinth they requested or are you trying to explain more fully? I know ou were concerned about being outed and being treated differently- has that smoothed over or not?

    1. Hullo! :-) He knows about our lifestyle pretty in depth and we meet every week or every other week to discuss and dialogue about it. Overall he has been very supportive. He has concerns about our view of submission and about any play we might do in public. Also, he feels that the kinky community is not a healthy environment. But, he wants to support us as much as he can. He wrote asking for resources on why we believe or what we believe and since no one resource says it all I decided to at least tell him MY views on submission. He said it was really helpful for him to read. We are meeting with him tomorrow to discuss it. :)

    2. Thats excellent! I was really prepared for it to go the other way for you guys after you wrote about it. I'm glad you are working through that.

    3. Thanks - the OTHER couple who I had written about still are entirely against everything we are doing, but they are also against things that many vanilla couples do as well, so we are trying not to be too upset and just move on. :)

      I appreciate the well wishes!! We need encouragement! :)