Monday, April 15, 2013

Update to the Epic Day/Night

So, AFTER our epicness I wrote Peach an email "coming out more" I guess...

"Dear Peach,

Hullo!!! Thanks so so so so so so so so sooooooo much for coming over last night!!! I had such a great time, both of us did, and we can't wait 'til we are able to get together again!! We love you two bunches!! :-)

I wanted to apologize if any of the comments or actions I did (or My Man :-p) made y'all uncomfortable or were rude or inappropriate. We are pretty much more comfortable around you then almost anyone we know, (like as far as people we relate to as a couple I can't think of anyone else we feel more "safe" with :)). But, because of that I just let my mouth and actions run a lot. ;-)

I referenced my blog a couple of times last night... it's a blog under a pseudonym because it's a blog about our lifestyle choices and it talks about sex a decent amount. ;-) My Man and I have realized throughout our marriage, and really hit a revelation last summer, that I need/want/desire him to really be "in charge" or as we say "the Head of House" :). In every way you can think of I thrive on there being rules and consequences, boundaries, in knowing that he is in control, so I know I'm safe. :-) Most of the time it is playful/fun (like dumping the strawberries on his head last night **does victory sign**), but there are serious sides to it too. I need to know that if I am losing it in a hormonal tantrum or am beyond depressed and wanted to take a razor to my arm that he is going to step in and set limits, boundaries  and control that I am not setting for myself? 

Even the thing where Mario asked for more cake and I was like "Well, I don't wanna cut more strawberries, but I will if you want them.", 75% of My Man being like "You are going to honor our guest and get him strawberries" was him being playful. I "get off" on him exhibiting dominance/authority in public in that way.  :-p But, there was a small part that WAS serious - he was letting me know "Hey, that was's a chance to fix it." :) On my own, I would have realized that it WAS A selfish thing to say (and did almost as soon as the words left my mouth), and it was NOT what I meant to say. Sometimes I just let my mouth go faster than my brain, and by My Man making it a "silly" thing where he told me to go cut the strawberries and he told you I didn't need help, it was a way for me to "fix" my mistake and not be mortified and embarrassed all night that I was rude to Nathan.

Does that make sense? I hope so!! I also hope it's okay to say... :-p We have had some not exemplary situations where we shared this with someone and they flipped out thinking Ben was being a jerk to me or that we were doing something unGodly or something... we REALLY love y'all and want you as our friends, and if you have questions or concerns we are totally open to talking. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to know, but it's also so hard for us to not be open. We are trying to use discernment and not make y'all feel weirded out.. :-p :-)

I know this email is already long, but I did want to add one more thing... we live this way because, I GAVE My Man that level of authority. We even had a little ceremony for ourselves when he put my "collar" on my neck (the silver chain I wore all last summer/fall and the celtic knot necklace I wear everywhere now). Where I was giving him my submission and he was giving his protection and responsibility for me. . It's not something we think is "The Biblical way"- like we don't think husbands get to order their wives around because they are the man and they say so. (We do believe in  Biblical submission, and we try to model our relationship after what The Bible says, but we don't think the levels we take it to are necessary for a Godly marriage :)), we don't think that husbands have the RIGHT to do a lot of things My Man does for me. Its a gift? It's something I have given to him, I have asked him for, it's a gift he gives to me (his protection) and a gift I give to him (my submission). I am not an abused wife, he is a not an abusive husband. He does everything he does through servant leadership, or at least he tries to :). He looks out for my best out of love for me, he tries not to do anything or require anything out of selfishness or spite. He loves me and cherishes me. I am a VERY VERY cared for and cherished wifey. :) I am very loved! :) He is VERY patient and gentle and kind to and with me... I just wanted to make sure that is said!! The situations I mentioned before people thought that meant Ben was behaving like a cold dictator and I was his sniveling slave... and that's not how we roll. :) AT ALL!! If anything I yell, scream, and hit him for no reason *laugh* He is an amazing husband...for realz! :D ;-)

Hope this all makes sense and it's too much information and... yeah... maybe we can talk while the guys are setting up or the 4 of us could hang a little after the meeting or... something? :) I want to make sure we're still friends. :-p :-)


So, I was on pins and needles before church wondering if she had read it... when we got there is was kinda anti-climatic ;-) She just said "I got you're email, we're not weirded out at all, we love you guys and whatever floats your boat. I am trying to submit to Mario, just not in such a formal way" **laugh** I am grateful it went well...and that we have a couple in real life who we don't have to feel odd around :)

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