I don't deserve this...

I had wicked bad cramps today, and my amazing husband loaded me up with meds, snacks, heating pad, laptop, prayed for me, and told me to relax in bed. He is a treasure far beyond what I deserve. Then he brought me home taco bell after work. i sure love him bunches.






But...

Just For My Man

(nothing new, we are not moving to Charlotte, but REALLY REALLY hoping to move SOMEWHERE :))

Yesterday I was struck with the realization that everytime I look across a room and see My Man I am just overwhelmed with butterflied, jitters, excitement, desire... He is mine and I *LOVE* that!! :)










And just for fun...

I don't need to be spanked anymore....

I am in that stage... of my cycle? Of my year? Of my life? I get excited over the thought of being spanked, I do things to provoke him (or "poke the bear"), but when it comes time to for the actual event...nothing. Except annoyance and pain and "the grumps".

He even tried to give me an "erotic spanking" last week and it just...hurt. There were no butterflies or sparks. There was no excitement or sexual ANYTHING. It was just like "Please stop. This is not fun."

I get butterflies from "the look" or him saying "dommy things". I am still very excited by any exhibition in public. But any sort of pain just does NOT turn me on...or make me want to behave. I feel bullied when he uses pain or threats to get me to behave. Which is really unfair to him because we evolved to this place together. It's not like he just started doing this - it's been a team effort. And it's been just over a year. You'd think we'd be flying high  by now. But instead it's just "blah".

Don't get me wrong our sex life is WORLDS different than it was a 14 months ago. We are closer than we have ever  been. And, if I am honest about it, I am much more submissive and loving than I was 14 months ago. I am far far faaaaar from perfect or a "good little subby", but I am a much more submissive and loving wife than I was in the past. I don't say this to toot my own horn. I say it as an encouragement and reality check for myself. I can feel like the last year was for no good because I see all of the ways I am still disrespectful and angry and selfish. I can feel like I'll never be the type of wife he deserves. But, then I have look back and remind myself that I really am a different woman in many ways than I was a year ago.

So, I think we just need to work on some things. It's easier for me to see the things *he* needs to work on ;-), but I think as a team, as the 2 parts that make this whole, as the equal, but different roles in this marriage we have some things we can work on.

Him - Being more consistent. If you tell me not to drink Mountain Dew because it makes me crazy and I pour myself a huge glass and grin at you as I take a sip, probably an indicator I need some "help". (and no I did not want to be spanked I just wanted to see if you'd care. And true you did drink it yourself instead of me drinking it, but... yeah... Come to think of it - 14 year old sister is the one who goaded me into it saying "go pour yourself a huge glass now and drink it ALL!!! Hahahaha".... I think she wanted to see how you'd react. We were both left wanting ;-) At least mention it when we get home. :-p) (And no I don't want it "dealt with" now... I just using it as an example of something recent. It's over now. ;-))

Me - Being more intentionally submissive. It would not have hurt me in the least to go drink something else. And I was going to find a different drink until Sister goaded me. :-p I want to do things on purpose to be submissive rather than do things on purpose to brat.

Him - Being Constant. (goes with consistent, but a little different) If you expect me to view things as "always not okay" or "always required" than you need to "always enforce" even if you're tired or lazy.

Me - Trust. Trust and believe that the rules don't change just because you're tired or I'm hormonal/emotional. I know that you are trustworthy and I don't need to keep testing to see if I am still safe. I AM safe.

I am sure there are more, but I can't think of them right now. Recently I have been going  through a pretty dark time. I feel depressed most of the time. Our money problems are pretty bad right now, My Man's job situation keeps potentially changing and then nothing changes. It feels like everyone keeps having baby after baby while I keep having period after period. I feel totally out of wack and I take it out on him so much of the time. And somedays nothing helps. I just hurt. :-p

For something a little lighter - My "spanked wife friend" told me recently she wanted to be featured on my blog again. She cracks me up. She has been a "spanked wife" her whole marriage and WAY WAY WAY longer than me,  but she still gets such excitement and joy over the little things. Recently she and her husband had a time of "playful spanking" that had her so excited she gushed for DAYS! ;-) She missed out on church because they were wrestling and his elbow caught her eye and she didn't want anyone to see it. Well okay, she says she was actually being a good wife NOT getting spanked because HE didn't want anyone to see and told her to stay home. ;-) ;-) She cracks me up, and I love her and am glad to have the comradery! ;-)

Nothing to do. Nothing to see. Nothing to say.

There is absolutely nothing going on in our lives.

We haven't heard back from the job interview.

We aren't pregnant.

We aren't doing anything fun or exotic or exciting.

We are being good. (meaning I am being good.)

I am on my period - big surprise.

I will be 30 in 33 days and I feel like a rutting rutting rutter. lol.


If I could do anything for my birthday I'd go back to that BDSM club and feel alive again. But as my leaning lean more towards the DD/HOH kinda thing and my "hoh" can't go to a club in good conscience and (oh so surprisingly) he won't let me go alone... I'll probably go to dinner and a movie like every other year. We are going to the beach with my family soon after. We wanted to to go to DragonCon, but with no money (because of not getting that new job in time) I think that's not gonna happen. I am asking for a Nook HD+, but I don't know if we can find 150 bucks. *sigh* I know I am having a pity party. There is a lot of joy and goodness in life. But I just don't see it today. Today I feel old and worn out. :-p

 - That would at least be something I've never done


 - haha I see what you did there...

Im so boring I can't even find pictures to express myself today ;-)

Independence Day

Happy 4th Everyone!! Even if you're not in the USA, you can still have a happy 4th of July! ;-)

I have Martina and Toby blaring in my head. *grin*

Nothing new to report here. Which I guess is good? I usually blog more when we are in crisis and less when we're doing well? :)

*hugs to everyone*

aaaand some pics just because they always make me smile







heh heh heh - 

Untitled because I can't think of one...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The winds of change...

I don't really have a lot of brain power for updating right now, so this is going to read a bit like a report.

Yesterday was my last day as an after school babysitter. I cried to see the girls go, but there is a nice feeling to know I will be home now.

Money is going to be even tighter than it has been with me not bringing in any income, but my hope is that staying home will mean eating in an less temptations to spend money. (I have spent 20 dollars on clothes for me in the past week, but My Man said both were okay when I asked him after the fact. :) One is a cool dress, one summer dress, a pair of hot pink capris, and a vest I am hoping to pair with stuff for a cool costume look)

Since I am going to be home full time he says "the time has come".... *sigh* He say he is going to start disciplining me for not doing stuff around the house. It totally makes sense, it's been a long time coming, I am not trying to "not consent", but.... I am also getting panicky. Panicky that my idea of "enough" won't be his idea of enough. Or that if we do sit down and make a chore chart that his expectations will be super high. Or... I don't even know why. I totally trust him. I know he loves me and he is not going to expect more than I can handle. I know there is no reason for me to be lazy ALL day... I should be doing stuff to clean and keep our house nicer to live in... but for some reason I keep almost crying and just feeling so overwhelmed. He is gone for the next 24 hours basically and just asked me to "get lots done" specifically the kitchen and living room. They haven't been cleaned in weeks and it's REALLY bad. I want to be good and productive. Not just for fear of punishment, but because I live here too and I really want to have a happy home. As a motivation and reward he told me to invite some friends over Friday night. But I am just... so tired. And I am sure it's laziness, but I just lose all mojo and just want to eat and sleep and not exist. :-p

Another big news is that he is interviewing for a job in Charlotte, NC (and if he doesnt get that one in other places). It's exciting, but scary. I want to move, but I don't want to leave my sister and the rest of my family.

I feel so lost and overwhelmed right now. And I can't even put my finger on why.

In fertility news I am having more regular predictable cycles, so this month we are going to have sex every other day - or at least try our darnest! I want a baby so bad and this is the last step before fertility meds. :)

Last night he spanked me REALLY HARD (for us) and I was kinda shocked. He say I have been getting sassier and legit more disrespectful and he is "nipping it in the bud"... I don't understand why when it's "his fault for letting it get this bad" I am the one who pays the piper. ;-)

I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I am just so sad and lethargic and scared and... I dunno. :-p

Rosy Red Cheeks

my facial cheeks that is.

Yesterday we are sitting with our friends (the ones we told all our secrets to a couple months back) and I was sassing My Man about something (in a teasing way) and he says, "Watch yourself little girl. "Larry" being here isn't gonna save you." To which "Larry" grins and says "Sorry, I don't have a paddle for you."


Because I told the wife in a letter and then we didn't really talk about it much again I just kinda forgot they "knew"... I wanted to DIE! *laugh*

Anonymously Yours...

Good Morning!!

So, My Man has been asking me for like a week to disable anonymous comments on here, since we never get real people and that stupid "bot" keeps spoiling my beautiful posts. ;-) So, I did! I wanted to set it so folks could enter a name and reply, but there was not an option for that. If anyone knows a better way I could have done this, except for making it so only registered folks can reply - I'd love to hear about it. ;-)

Other than that the only news I have is not directly related to DD

1. I found out I am unemployed in 2 weeks for at least a month, probably for good. I am trying desperately to figure out a way to not have to get another job, but I really am afraid I'll have to go back to the dreaded retail or deal with stupid parents again. **sigh**

2. My Man found out that raise we've been waiting on for almost a year...isn't gonna happen. So he is going to start applying at jobs near and far... and most of them are far. **sigh** I want to move, but I don't want to leave my sister/best friend. :-p

T-t-t-t-t-that's all folks!

I'M SORRY I DIED!! ;-) SO MANY PICS!!!!!!!

Hey Guys!!

So, sorry it's been almost 2 weeks since I wrote, commented, was around pretty much at all!! :-p

We've had some crazy times *nothing serious just normal busyness* and as with some other bloggers - when  I am not getting "disciplined" I can feel like there is nothing to say. :)

For our anniversary Wed, but were celebrating Thur, My Man specifically asked me to buy some "fuck me pumps" (thank you Kristen Ashley for the phrase ;)) and I asked if I could spend 20 bucks on a dress to go with them. He said yes!!! He rarely says no when I ask permission to spend money, so you'd think I'd ASK more and suffer the consequences later less. :-p :)

I did hot curlers and lots of hair spray in my hair, then we went to a midnight showing of Iron Man 3 and his favorite burger place and CHIPOTLE!!!

My Man had to go on a business trip somewhere a couple hours away, and I needed to come back early and then go back and get him. SO HE LET ME BUY A GPS!!!!!!! He gave me a set amount to spend and when I realized there was only one GPS at that price and it looked like a piece of crap I tried several times to call him to ask if I could buy the one 30 bucks more, but did not have cell service. So I purchased the pricier one and saved all of the receipts and plastic and stuff, so he could take it back if he thought we needed to. HE LET ME KEEP IT!!! And I felt very responsible, like I was a grown woman who was making a decision for myself, but at the same time respecting my husband and trying to honor his requests and... I just felt like it was a good situation. :)

First,  Friday night we went to visit his grandparents in Richmond for one night (His grandfather was very sick in the hospital), and I got to meet his amazing Aunt. THEN, Saturday night he had to go on his business trip, so I rode along and got to chill in the hotel room Sunday!! I watched the entire 4th season of Gossip Girl! ;-) ALSO, we finally got to test out the "fuck me pumps" and I am pleased to say for the first time ever we had sex standing up and it was AMAZING!!!!! I say standing up and first time - I was leaned over a desk he was standing up and now that I think of it we DID manage this on a countertop on our honey moon in a bathroom at a religious conference. ;-) But, it was really awkward them and a really high counter we have not found since. so, it was amazing. (and I am really wordy and awkward there, but I am going to leave it because it's how I talk ;-))

He took me to a fun restaurant and we just enjoyed being together. Then, Monday morning I drove home, picked up the girls I nanny, and cleaned a teeny bit at home. I was supposed to watch them Tue and then drive out to Cambridge, MD again, but their dad texted at noon and said that he was getting off of work early, so he was gonna get them, so I drove BACK to Cambridge (I was very pleased with myself for driving so far and long and fast all alone!!! I decided if I ever get pulled over for speeding I'll tell the cop "My husband will spank me if I get a ticket!! Please just give me a warning!" What I don't plan to tell the cop is I bet getting pulled over for speeding - when I am know I am speeding - might trigger that anyways. Although, he has told me the acceptable "overage" and I tend to stay about there :)) and stayed in the hotel more, then he drove us both back the next day.

In fertility news - I am now taking 3 metformin pills a day, and the last 2 cycles were very "normal" like, they were 31 days and I have obvious ovulation sighs and then 13 days later had a period. So, I feel like there might be hope? We'll see. At this point we are waiting for his job situation to improve - IE more money - and then we will move on to actual fertility meds!!! :)

I think that's all right now... oh except that I had my siblings here from Fri - Tue and since then have been increasingly cheeky, so my guess is at some point soon I'll have a "cherry red post(eior)" up here! :) ;-)

HAPPY FOURTH ANNIVERSARY!!!

Today is My Man and I's 4th anniversary. Our marriage and relationship and journey is so short compared to so many of your's. We met when he was 6 and I was 10, but we weren't even close friends until almost 5 years ago when he asked me to consider courting him. It's been a wild and crazy ride, but I love this man so much that sometimes it's hard to breathe. :D

This is what I made him for our anniversary -

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FREE ORAL PLAY (on you or by you)

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FREE DISH WASHING(right away!)

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FREE SHOW/MOVIE (my attn for duration)

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FREE ROOM CLEAN (complete!)

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FREE BED MAKING (5 USES <><><><><>)

Today's Money Funny...

The Scene: At the mall with my 2 "charges" 10 and 6 years old. One of those "vendors" pulls me aside and begs me to let him use his straightener on my hair. I keep trying to tell him I've had it done before, but he begs, and I REALLY enjoy it, so I let him. He does his little spiel and then tells me it's "only 89.99", "Super special just today." Now, I AM wanting to buy one soon, mine broke and I Really miss it. But I am like "I can't. I Really can't," and he says why.

So, I smile at the girls and ask them "Why?"

6 year old: She's not allowed to spend money.

Man incredulously: Whaaaaaat?

6 YO: She has a boss. He lives in her house.

Man: A boss??

6 YO: Yup. He's her HUSBAND! He thinks it's HIS house and HIS money. And when she spends it without asking...whew... BIG trouble...

Man: *eyes really big* For real?

6 YO: Mmmhmm... I think he is gonna kick her out of the house soon.

Me jumping in: No no, he will never kick me out honey. Kick my butt maybe, but never kick me out.

Man: Well, CALL him... ask permission.

Me: I already did and he said no. But, I'm saving up!! Really! I'm going to!

6 YO: My Mom and Dad have money, buut... my mom would never let my dad say it's all his money.

Man says something to Co-worker in his language, then looks at me: Well, I believe you and don't want you in trouble. Have a great day.

I have to say it's the LEAST badgering I've ever gotten from a clerk before. I should be brutally honest with everyone. ;-)

Sooo... that whole "not getting spanked" thing....

:-p

If anyone has been reading my blog for any length of time you'd probably guess pretty quickly what I got spanked for tonight.

I cannot for the life of me figure out my compulsion to spend random money.

I guess I better back up....

So, like I said in my last post this week has been pretty intense as far as not a lot of sleep and stuff. So, today was like the worst. or the second worst. It's just between not having a GPS (it got stolen) and rush hour traffic and just...being exhausted. I keep getting lost and just having a rough time of it.

So, I was already overflowing with pent up emotions. And needing release. But, it was semi-managable. He fed me. I was feeling a bit better.

And then we got home and it just hit in the GUT... I was going to tell him about this letter I received today from this girl "we" gave $25 to in order to help her get to college. (she is the youngest of 11 children and has parents who are not big fans of college and yeah...)How she was so grateful and happy, and as I was going to tell him all of the sudden I just STOPPED. And I realized over the last week I'd sent her $25 and spent $25 on this stupid "mystery box deal" where they send you a box with $100 worth of stuff in it for $15 bucks, and I had a coupon, so I got some off and bought two. (looking back NO idea what the hell was going through my mind) So... basically I'd spent $50 that I not only had not asked him about, but I also hadn't TOLD him because I figured "it will be okay." SAME SCENARIO AS ALWAYS. Only for whatever reason, I felt REALLY REALLY REALLY guilty. And I couldn't get the words out. 

He cornered me and basically drew it out of me word by word. He didn't get mad. He didn't yell. He wasn't like "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" he just said "You shouldn't have done that. I am dissapointed we are dealing with this again." and went to get ready for bed. He didn't withdraw, he let me know I could come back and hang out with him. He was super... nice? But I was just wracked with guilt. And he could see it. So he asked me if I thought I should be punished. Well, I wasn't sure what to say. There were so many things going through my mind. Main 2 were - 1. I don't WANT to be spanked, like it's not going to turn me on at this moment. 2. I feel like if he doesn't spank me I am going to combust. I feel so guilty and heavy hearted, but if he DOES spank me in order to relieve my guilt isn't that just rewarding me for being bad? Don't I deserve to just have guilt guy?

Finally, he kept asking and I said "Yes." So, he told me to bend over and he spanked me. It was pretty "normal" for us, but he prefaced it with "this isn't going to be a short one" and I knew I didn't deserve a "little spanking". So, after he was done he leaned over and asked if I felt "properly chastised" I asked him if it was okay to be honest, and he said "Yes, please." So, I told him that I wasn't "Enjoying" it, but that I felt like I deserved about 4x as much as he had delivered. So he did about 3x more. It was perfect. Not perfect like I liked it or it got me off...I actually cried after although not from pain, but just from release of tension and guilt. But, perfect like it was exactly what I needed to feel "chastised".

Then we had sex for the first time in like 2 weeks.

He was so completely loving throughout the entire process. And after we both agreed this was probably one of our most "purely punishment" spankings.

His last words before he left the bedroom to shower were "wow... those welts are REALLY impressive." and I said "You did that to me. No... actually *I* did that to me." ;-)

Remind me not to spend money without talking to him. it's not that hard of a concept!! 

Things are slow, but steady on the homefront...

We haven't done anything even a little kinky in weeks, heck we haven't even had sex in over a week. :-p Maybe 2 weeks actually?


I was on my period and than this week he is working 12 hour days and we have to be up before 6am (which is like 6 hours earlier than when he normally gets up, so it's been REALLY hard), although I'll admit even when we are regular much of the time it's like this  -

Even without sex or any sort of discipline I feel like we are doing well. We snuggle a lot, we have had some tensions and shortness because of tiredness, but I feel like we have both done a good job of guarding out words and thinking about the other person's needs.

It's funny how I can feel like I am not growing or changing at all, I am stopping myself from being disrespectful or apologizing a lot... and I can feel down only to realize that the fact that I am aware enough to stop or to apologize means I am having success and growth. :)

Other than a baby the 3 things I want most in the world right now are -



Umm... I just needed the beach with My Man, but hey that could be fun too ;)

Everything I ever wanted....

Everything I need....

We had our first dance to the Brad Paisley song "Everything To Me" and for some reason it was what stuck out in my mind as I sat down to write today.

I think it's interesting how some days I can feel like everything My Man does is "Wrong" and "stupid" and whatever, and then when the fog clears in my brain I realize that he really IS everything I ever wanted. All I have wanted my entire life was to be a wife and mother. Granted, the mother part was always on top, but I would make list after list of what I wanted in a man.

Some of the ones that showed up on every list...

Taller than me - check :)

Likes to read - double check :)

Likes to snuggle - oh yes, much to my chagrin most of the time THESE days :)

Likes to sing - YES

Expressive in worship - YES

Loves Jesus - YES YES YES! :)

Want kids - it seems every month that passes this is more and more true for him. Maybe God has us waiting so that he could catch up with my desire ;-)

Somethings that I wanted, but never thought I'd get were -

Will give me red haired children - there is a VERY VERY Good chance we will produce red-haired children (and I don't mean the step child kind ;-))

Will spank me. *smile* This is a desire I've had as long as I had unrestricted access to internet. As long as I knew there were people like that out there I wanted it. And it's funny because I didn't think I'd find someone who loved Jesus, was not an abuser or legalist, and would spank me. And God sent me the perfect man for me. He is gentle and tender and loving and giving and understanding...but he is firm when I need it. And I LOVE that. I LOVE that he gives me what I want 95% of the time... it doesn't make him less of a man or an "abdicator of the  husbandly role" it just means he loves me. And I love that. ;-)

http://youtu.be/Xrid-Ok2_yE

She's a yellow pair of running shoes
A holey pair of jeans
She looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything
She's I want a piece of chocolate
Take me to a movie
She's I can't find a thing to wear
Now and then she's moody

She's a Saturn with a sunroof
With her brown hair a-blowin
She's a soft place to land
And a good feeling knowing
She's a warm conversation
That I wouldn't miss for nothing
She's a fighter when she's mad
And she's a lover when she's loving 


And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
I talk about her, I go on and on and on
because she's everything to me

She's a Saturday out on the town
And a church girl on Sunday
She's a cross around her neck
And a cuss word 'cause its Monday
She's a bubble bath and candles
Baby come and kiss me
She's a one glass of wine
And she's feeling kinda tipsy

She's the giver I wish I could be
And the stealer of the covers
She's a picture in my wallet
Of my unborn children's mother
She's the hand that I'm holding
When I'm on my knees and praying
She's the answer to my prayer
And she's the song that I'm playing


She's the voice I love to hear
Someday when I'm ninety
She's that wooden rocking chair
I want rocking right beside me
Everyday that passes 
I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one 
That I'd lay down my own life for

And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me
Yeah she's everything to me

Everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me
Yeah shes everything to me
everything to me

Boobs ache, uterus aches, crying all the time...

i had some major meltdowns yesterday.

My man took pity on me as i sobbed into the phone that i was lost and hated life and couldn't handle any "dealing with".

i think i am going to ask him to "get it over with" this morning before i have another melt down.

i seriously hate my hormones. and hope. i hate hope. because all of this could be lining up nicely for a "big fat positive" on a pregnancy test, but we all know my body likes to lie to me and i won't get one. i never get one.

**sigh** trust God's timing, trust God's goodness *mantra over and over*

Why do they always come in groups??

Why is it that I will go weeks with no spankings and then once I get one it seems like the next several days they just pile on??

Also, why is it that when I think I am "doing well" that seems to be when things I am not doing on purpose start happening?

I am very (very very very very very) scatterbrained. As I have said in the past I lose things ALL THE TIME! So, in order to keep me from losing things My Man has instituted a few rules. Mainly that I don't put keys, money, credit cards, etc in grocery bags. (I rarely have pockets and it's very convienent to drop them in a bag to take into the house.) I mean, really that is the main one. We have a place for the keys to go, we have a jar for money and cards... but the grocery bag thing has been a long time. Like... most of our marriage.

So, last night I went to the store, dropped it all on a bag, drove home, emptied out the bag, went on with my life. I took it all out - no harm no foul. (no trouble :)) Well, this morning when it came time to take My Man to work the car keys were NO WHERE! I remembered dropping them in the bag, but I had emptied out all of the bags. I checked EVERYWHERE! The trash, the bed, the couch, the bathroom, EVERYWHERE.

And then it hit me.

There was a bag I had thrown in the fridge. Another pet peeve of his is when I don't empty out the bags and just toss them in the fridge. Low and behold our keys had spent the night in the fridge.

Apparently the fact that we have gone through this so many times in the past means I don't get off easy. (He was late for work so we havent "dealt with it" yet.) And ALSO apparently the fact that I took the cards and money out of the other bag means the last spankings DID help me remember and it just hasn't sunk in QUITE far enough yet.

**sigh**

Oh, I figured out why I didn't catch them. Because when I dumped everything in the bag I was at the store. But, I needed the keys to drive home, so I dropped them in a different bag when I came home.

These seem to fit



and I saw this one in my search and it made me laugh :)

The "Real Me"

It was commented to me yesterday that I seem like a different person when I am sharing thoughts outside of my blog, than I do here on my blog.

I was super confused by this because I pride myself on being "real" all the time. A lot of the time I feel I am "too real" or "too transparent". I share things that I wish I had kept to myself and I don't try to look like someone I am not.

So, I brought this observation up to My Man and asked him what he thought about it. His insight was that on my blog I tend to share "events" without sharing what I thought about them (this is also the other person's observation, that I don't share my thoughts or emotions of these events just "here is what happened") or I share what I am striving towards. I share the me that I want to be, the "Good subby wife" that I am working towards. Not like I pretend to be her, but more like "I want to be XYZ and here is how I am going about it"

It was noted that it's "my blog", so I can share whatever and however the heck I want, but it really concerns me if I am coming across as fake or somehow ashamed of who I am and trying to stuff be back into a closet.  I am a wife. I am a sister. I am an aunt. I am "collared". I like erotic spankings. I receive not so erotic ones when needed. I am a Christian. I want to be a mother. I was home-schooled. I can be a total brat in fun ways and not so fun ways. There are so many things that make me up, but I am "me". And it makes me feel awful if I am somehow not being "me" on my blog.

ways My Man is not an Alpha Male (but IS an amazing husband)

1. He shaves his balls for me. He knows it makes making love to him 100x easier, so he does it.

2. He shaves ME for himself, but that could be Alphay I dunno.

3. He takes care of me and cooks when I am sick.

4. He folds laundry. (and washes and dries)

5. He cleans the kitchen.

6. He always puts the toilet seat down.

7. He watches chick flicks with me.

8. He (sometimes, rarely, but sometimes) lets me drive even when he is in the car.

9. He lets me play with his belly fat. ;-) (rarely, but sometimes)

10. He is gentle, kind, sweet, amazing... not words I think of being associated with Alpha Males, but I think ARE important in HOHes :)

I love him. SOOOOOOOO much!!

You find Kindred Spirits in the weirdest places...

So, y'all know I was homeschooled, right? Well, I am part of an online forum (we used to call them message boards :)) where former homeschooled married ladies and moms can post and share different stuff together.

Yesterday, someone messaged me because of some of the stuff I had said and started asking me some questions... turns out she too is in a DD/TTWD marriage...and has never told anyone! *laughing* It's not something she researched and planned it just... happened because she married "one of those guys" ;-)

What a small world I live in. :)