Dear "My Man",
I love you.
I am sorry that I have been so wretched the last few days. Er, week. Or...however long it's been. :)
I do love you bunches, and I Really really DO want to be good. I'm just not very good at it or conditioned for it or...well, it's not very fun to be good. It's boring. Even though I love to take care of you and do things for you and make you happy. I am so selfish that I feel like I HAVE to be naughty and get your negative attention or I'll DIE!
I still have nefarious plans about my dieting, but they are more a test of myself than a test of you. :-p :-) How about we employ the rule of "Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies"? :-D It makes me feel big and strong to eat little. It makes me feel like I could actually be one of those beautiful porn star type people. Even though I know I'll always be your "well endowed" Young Lady, for those few moments or hours it makes me feel important and impressive.
As for the "subbie business" I will try harder. Fondles can continue training me in the jedi arts of being subbie and lifting up my man. ;-) And I'll get there. I just need to know that you actually need and want that. I feel stupid kneeling at your feet or laying my head in your lap. It makes me feel silly to look at you doe-eyed when we're in private. I don't want to give up control in the bedroom because I don't like so much that happens in there. I want to be able to be in control so that I can say "There, not there. Yes No Stop Don't"... but I think you are right that as long as I am calling all of the shots we aren't moving forward. I am scared to go anywhere new. And I do trust you in a vague sense. I don't trust you in a specific sense because you've burned me so often in the past. (not literally we are not into that :)) I want to trust you in a more real way. So, maybe if you hold yourself way way way back and are pushing very lightly and loosely at my limits I'll be able to let go more fully. And....itmightbeagoodideatocuffmebecauseidontthinkIamcapableofjustlettingyoumolestme. *blush* And if I have a little panic attack, I have a little panic attack. We can work through it. Doing what you do and backing up 3 steps and giving me a second to breathe is PERFECT, but I think in that case (when you're not causing me pain), it's ok to come back and keep going while assuring me I am okay. :)
I love you, Hubby. I really really really do!! And, I want to be the most excellent Proverbs 31, subbie, wife you've ever met.
Your Unsubmissive, but VERY cute, Young Lady