He says it's not his fault because I didn't safeword.
Well, fuck that.
Is it not obvious when I am turning around after every single "swat" say "You're hitting too hard! You're hitting too high" and the bastard is telling me to trust him and then he does it just as high and just as hard.
Maybe we need a "safeword" that means "I understand that I deserve this and I am not trying to get out of punishment, but you're really hurting me and if you don't stop I am going to have a panic attack.
ADDED AT 11:30PM
We had a good conversation. But his answer to the problem is that we are "not gonna do this for awhile" because he feels like we will just circle right back to this situation. I feel like if he would just listen and communicate better than this wouldn't happen as much.
He is not a bastard. He is a good husband and I love him very much. I am very grateful for all of the time and energy he has put into learning me and my body.
I also feel like I am spiraling out of control emotionally and I dont know what to do.