Friday, November 16, 2012

To obey is better than sacrifice...

I have a question for my readers (and really for the bloggers that know so much more than I do :))

What do you do when your HOH tells you to do something or makes a decision and you think it's stupid or foolish or silly? What if you outright think it's wrong?

For the second category I feel free to tell him I feel it's immoral or "wrong" and if he persists in thinking that is the course we are going to take (and this has never happened in our marriage, where I said "I think this is WRONG" and he just decided we were going ahead with it) to go to one of his guy friends or our pastor or something and get them involved. Then, if they agree with him I can know I am just  being sensitive or something.

But, in the first category I am still trying to figure it out.

Example - Today the line at Chick Fil A was wrapping around the building and all of the parking spots were full, so My Man pulled into the handicap, told me to wait in the car, and he'd be "right out".

I said "Well, I'll just drive around until  you get out, so we don't get in trouble."

He said "No, just wait here. It'll be fine."

After he went in I started thinking "Well, I'll just drive anyways, I know we won't get a ticket that way and he won't really care."

But, then a little voice inside my head started saying "But he told you to stay here..." and I started thinking "worst case scenario, we get a ticket, and I obeyed." And decided to listen. He was less than 5 minutes and all was good.

But, it got me thinking - is it always the right course to just "do what he says" even if I think it's dumb or rude or whatever. Like, we are running late for a meeting with someone, he finds out I haven't eaten yet and tells me to make a sandwich or we are going through a drive-through. I think it's rude to keep the people waiting, but he feels it's important for me to eat first.

An example from our courtship was he let me borrow his truck to take my siblings to the library. He told me to park in the parking lot across the street which has big signs "No parking except for shopping center business, violators will be towed". I told him about it, he said it would be fine, I said "I really think it's a bad idea", he said "It's ok. It will be fine. Park there." So I did. And we got towed. I had to walk like a mile or more with 5 kids under 12. It was $100 to get it out of the tow lot. But I obeyed. ;-)

I am sure this will come up even more after we have kids and he either does or does not want our kids doing things and I don't agree... when it turns out I was right and he was wrong I ALWAYS tell him "I TOLD YOU SO!!!" and make a big deal about how he should have listened to my  superior wisdom, but with this new direction in our marriage I think that doesn't breed respect and I am trying to stop... but I can't help a little of it. ;-)

How do you ladies handle it? I am going to ask this one some blogs too!! :)


  1. I hesitate to answer this question, because I don't want to sound like the "my life is perfect and you are all doing it wrong" lady, but...

    If my husband tells me to do something and I think it's stupid or foolish or silly, I say so. And he, almost 100% of the time(I can't think of any time this wasn't so, but you never know what I may have forgotten) goes with what I say. If I say "I don't think we should park there," then he doesn't park there (or insist that I do).

    Generally he's pretty cautious about things too though, so there's not a lot of foolishness or silliness coming out of him in that way. (he's a clown sometimes but never a fool :))

    1. Oh thank you SO much for answering - I don't think you come across as "know it all" in the least!! :-)

      My Man and I are like opposites on the Meyers Briggs scale...and in most ways! :) We can look at a situation and come out with such opposite views of what would be best. He does everything from a "self(and me now :-D) preservation" angle and I come at it from a very "What will others think/do" angle. He is overwhelmed at big family get togethers, so will read at every chance possible *he'd read through T-giving dinner if he could get away with it... actually last year at My family's dinner he DID read the entire meal :-p ;-)*, I feel like it would be rude to read or hide, so I talk to people as much as I can *and have a break down later that night* He knows he needs food before work, so even if he is running late he will stop and get food - I am so scared of making people mad I'll "push through" and have a breakdown in the bathroom around 1pm. We meet with a pastor/counselor and the person says "I think y'all are really good at being honest with each other, but you don't seem to temper that with love you're very harsh." And I walk away thinking "We are harsh with each other and need to show more love." And My Man walks away thinking "We are doing awesome - we are the best at communicating!"

      Of course this is MY viewpoint, he may have a totally different take on the situation. :-p :-)

  2. i'm going to agree with conina. early on i had a question that she (and some others answered very logically too) and it had to do with what happens if i'm accountable for something, but then HE does the same bad thing - like text and drive. C's response was along the lines of - if you want me to be careful and not text while driving, then you need to remember that i love you and want you to be safe too, so same rules apply.

    in BIKSS case he seldom does things that are against the rules or fall in the "risky" department, unless he himself is willing to face the consequences. I suppose if it's HIM that's going to be parked in a no parking zone, it'll be up to him to do it if he chooses. but if i said I didn't want to take a risk parking there, he'd agree and leave me to park wherever i thought would be a safer place.

    having said that, i think it applies in general that if i make sense and present a valid reason for not agreeing with his idea, he'll go with the reasonable explanation.

    1. My Man is very approachable when it comes to holding him to the same standards he holds me to. The only thing that pisses me off there is that if he reminds me to put my dish in the sink and it is there in the morning I get a spanking. If I remind him and HIS dish is still there he says "I'm sorry. I should have put it away" and goes on with his day. ;-) But, such is the nature of him being the boss... we loved something read... I think it was something Christina posted that said something like "I am the one with the paddle, you are the one with the butt." ;-)

      And, My Man often gives into my pleadings, but he doesn't always and it's when he doesn't that I have to let go of control. If we get a ticket or a family member or boss is mad at us it's on his head now - not mine. :) Unless it's my boss or my family...and even then he would be willing to go in and "take care of it" for me. :-p :-)